My dress swishes against my bare thighs as I take the stairs two at a time. My Chucks are on my feet in case I have issues with my car. There are always issues with my car. If I really take more clients, like Mel encouraged me to do, I can replace the misfit car with something that actually runs. I’d like that. But maybe not. This car is one of the only connections I have to my father. I worked on it with him, taping it up when it dumped oil all over the drive way. It’s always been a bad car, but maybe I’ll keep it anyway.
As I round the corner, I run into Amber. She’s sitting on the stairs with her face in her hands, all hunched over. I came this way to avoid people. As it is, I got three cat calls walking down the hallway and one was from a girl. I pause. There’s nothing I’d like more than to kick Amber and run down the stairs laughing, but I don’t.
I sigh dramatically and sit next to her, ignoring the dirty floor and my insanely expensive dress. “Hey, bitch,” I say teasingly. “Why are you hiding in the stairwell?”
Amber lifts her face. It’s covered in a sheen of tears and snot. Gross. I hand her a tissue. She takes it and looks at me like I’m insane. “Are you here to gloat?”
“No, I came this way so no one would see me spray start my car. It’s parked at the end of the building in that dark lot. As soon as I put the hood up, guys flock over like I’m too stupid to start my own car.”
She snorts, “Yeah, well…” I can tell she has something nasty on her tongue, but Amber swallows it and looks sheepish. “You have more guts than me. I’ve put my hood up, if you know what I mean, just to get a guy to talk to me.”
“Yeah, I realize that. You’re a prickly bitch when you want to be, but it’s like you’re bipolar or something because there’s a sassy smart mouth in there too. I’m guessing she lost that battle of the alter egos.”
Amber holds onto her knees and dabs her face with the tissue. “Yeah, something like that. It’s easier to get guys to like me when I act like that.”
“You know they don’t really know you, right? I mean, if that’s not really you. At this point, I’m not really sure who you are.”
“Me neither,” Amber says. Turning her head toward me, she looks at me and finally sees me. “What are you wearing?”
I shrug, suddenly feeling nervous. “Nothing. I have a date and can’t wear heels driving my car. It stalls a lot.”
“I heard you chased down some dick who stole that car out from under you.” There’s an expression on her face that I haven’t seen before—respect.
“I did. Several times.” Wonderful, my legacy is the crazy chick who chases a car that’s well past its expiration date.
“I wish I had guts like that. It’s like you don’t care what people think of you.” There’s a far off look in her eye, like she can’t fathom being that way.
I don’t know how to answer her. My life is a mess. I stand and say, “The room’s empty if you want it. I won’t be back tonight.” I start to walk down the stairs.
Amber calls after me. “Where’s your crazy friend?”
“Out,” I call back, and then I’m out of sight. I don’t understand that girl. Awh, hell, I don’t understand anything. I should really stop trying. I spend half my life trying to get a grip on things, but they just slip through my fingers in the end. I’m lucky I know my ass from my elbow. There’s no clear cut answer for anything anymore.
The air is crisp and cold. My breath makes little white clouds the moment I walk outside. I tug my ratty sweater over my head, carefully not to mess up my hair. I think about the way I felt earlier today, the way Sean called me on torturing myself with the weather. Maybe I should stop doing that. I don’t know. It’s one of the few comforts I have. How f**ked up is that? Freezing myself is comforting. Damn, I need a shrink.
I spray the can of ether and slam the hood shut. Jumping in, I start the car. It warbles to life sounding like a spastic birdsong. I rev the engine and back out. The car doesn’t stall once on my way to Miss Black’s. Tonight might not suck so much after all.
Holy hell, was I wrong.
CHAPTER 10
I strip and weigh in, again. It seems redundant since I was here last night, but since Sean let me leave for the middle of the day, Miss Black does everything again. I’m wearing the same dress as yesterday. I didn’t have anything else.
Miss Black holds it out and shakes her head. “This is a major infraction.” She takes the dress and tosses it onto her chair. It sits behind her desk getting wrinkled. I’m standing in front of her in my freshly laundered lingerie from the other night. She’s not happy about that either.
“I haven’t been paid, yet. I took this job because I’m broke. This is all I have.”
“Yes, well. Be glad that we have some wardrobe for photo shoots.” She plucks something from her closet. “Put this on.” It’s a tiny black piece of fabric that looks way too small to be a dress.
I eye it and do what she says. As I’m wiggling into the dress, Black takes a box from the bottom drawer of her desk and unlocks it. She removes cash and the book I saw the first night that I was here with Mel. I barely have the dress on when she says, “Leave it. It’s supposed to sit high on the thigh, but this—” she tugs the neckline, straightening it. The dress is form fitting. I feel like a sausage shoved into a balloon. There’s no way I look hot, but I don’t comment. The black dress clings to me. There’s a keyhole opening that reveals my cl**vage. The skirt hugs my h*ps tightly and barely covers my panties.
“There, that’s better. Now turn.” I do as she says. Miss Black grabs my shoulders and I stop. I feel her gaze on my back. She thrusts her hand forward. “Give them to me. You can’t wear that kind of panty with this dress. Panty lines are ungodly.”
I freeze. I am not going commando in this tiny skirt. “I don’t think—” I start to say, but she cuts me off.
Snapping her fingers, Miss Black huffs, “No one cares that you were prude, Avery. Hand over the panties so we can get on with things.” Reluctantly, I shimmy them down and fork them over. I tug at the hem of the dress, but Miss Black slaps my hands away. “Leave it. Oh, and before I forget, here’s an advance on your paycheck. Spend it wisely.” She hands me several large bills. I reach for the money and stuff it in my purse.
Miss Black continues, “You can pick up your clothes tomorrow when you check in. One more thing before you leave. Here is your next client.” She turns the big book toward me and points to a page. “I need you to update your preferences sheet and sign.”
I glance at the papers. The man is a little older, but still attractive. He’s not Sean. With every fiber of my being, I don’t want to do this, but I have no choice. I lift the pen and sign the contract. There. Done. I start to walk away.
Miss Black stops me, “Avery, your preference sheet?” She pushes it toward me and sits down behind her desk. I look back at the paper.
“I don’t care. Whatever he wants.”
Black looks at me like I don’t understand what I’ve said. “Avery, dear, I think you’ll—”
“I don’t care,” I say more poignantly this time. “Whatever he wants. It’s all the same to me.”
Black smiles like she won the lottery. “I’m pleased to hear it. You’ll fetch a higher price with that attitude.”
I smile back at her like I’m excited, but I’m not. I leave the building and duck into the limo waiting at the curb. I slip back into my seat and slouch. I pick at my nails for a moment and then stop so that I won’t ruin the polish.
How quickly things change. A few nights ago I was so nervous that I nearly puked. Now, I just want to go and get it over with. Staring out the window, I remind myself that this isn’t real. It doesn’t matter what Sean says or does, this isn’t love.
CHAPTER 11
I hate how short my dress is, but I walk with confidence the way Miss Black told me to and step into the elevator. When I emerge, the hotel restaurant is in front of me. I pass the hostess at the podium and wave at her, like I’m here every day. Lately, I’ve been here too much. She nods and I walk into the restaurant, past poshly decorated tables to find Sean seated in the same location in the back. He has that look on his face, and the same dark intensity lurks behind his eyes that was there the first night.
Lifting his gaze, Sean runs his eyes over me, taking in every curve. His lips don’t move. There’s no expression on his face. I don’t sit. Instead, I stand there, waiting for him to say something. Sean’s cold again. This feels like a business transaction and nothing more. Now I understand why he does it. It’s because he has to. There’s no way to be both warm and contained at the same time.
Sean lifts his steely gaze. I step forward and press my finger to the monogram on his plate. His eyes lock with mine. My heart tries to race faster when he looks at me, but I forbid it. I can be cold, too. I shut everyone else out. What’s one more person? I’m not sure why I let him into my messed up life in the first place.
Sean arches a brow at me, but my meaning is clear. Whatever happened this morning is gone. Things are back to the status quo now. Sean nods and extends his arm, waving me to sit. “Avery,” he says my name like we’re strangers.
My stomach feels like I ate a window—wood, glass, and all—and churns uncomfortably. The waiter appears from nowhere when I take my seat. He pulls back the chair for me and I sit down. Sean orders wine and the waiter disappears.
“Nice dress,” he says, carelessly.
“Nice tie,” I say, leaning to the side, like I don’t care. Sean looks stunning. He’s wearing a black suit with a black shirt. His silk tie is midnight blue which makes his eyes look bluer than I would have thought possible.
Sean smirks. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d wear something like that.” Sean is mirroring me. I pretend not to notice. I sit up and tilt my head, making my hair fall over my shoulder.
“Yeah, well, it turns out that I do.” I lean closer to him and give him a lazy smile. “Before I left, Black stripped me and stole my panties, so half the work’s done for you.” I wink and sit back.
Sean is still leaning forward. His cool façade cracks a little. “You’re not wearing panties under that?” I shake my head slowly and smile at him. It seems to do something to him, but he tries to hide it. Sean’s voice sounds a little too breathy when he speaks. “Well then, it’s only fair to tell you that…” he leans closer. I lean in to hear him whisper, taking a sip of wine as he speaks. “I’m not wearing any panties either.”
I try so hard not to react to him, but I can’t help it. I snort laugh and choke on the wine. It’s so embarrassing. I keep coughing and I can’t stop. Sean smiles at first and then looks concerned. He moves his chair closer to me, leaning in and placing his hand on my back. “Are you okay?”