“Ooo, a story problem.” Demetri threw his free hand into the air. “Love those! Here, let me figure it out. Bob how much do you weigh?”
Silence.
“Bob, stop ignoring me.”
Silence again.
“Bob!” This time Demetri yelled his name so loud, I almost covered my ears. “I’ll let you watch TV by yourself tonight.”
“Three hundred and five,” came Bob’s swift reply.
Demetri turned toward me and shook his head. “It’s almost too easy, poor guy.” He wiped his hands on a towel and leaned forward against the counter, making eye contact with me. My stomach flipped.
“If Bob tries five pieces of candy a day, and each piece of candy weighs roughly two ounces and…” His eyes glazed over, and his head moved, nearly touching my lips. “Are you wearing makeup?”
“I, ugh.” I ducked behind my hands and covered my face.
“No, no don’t.” Demetri ran around the side of the breakfast bar and pulled me into a hug. I still tried to cover my face. “Lyss, let me see you.”
I shook my head. Why had I tried to look good today? I felt so stupid. Was I really doing my makeup and hair for him now?
“Lyss.” Demetri’s voice rumbled. “Take your hands away before I kiss you in front of Bob and start taking your clothes off.”
I yelped and pulled my hands away from my face. He leaned in and kissed me anyway.
“Sorry, couldn’t help it.” He grinned and ran his thumb down the side of my jaw. “God, you’re beautiful.”
What’s a girl to say to that?
Demetri seemed mesmerized as he tilted his head and examined my face, turning my chin this way and that, and then he ran his fingers through my hair. “Does it always feel like this?”
“Like what?” I was breathless.
“Silk.” He exhaled and threaded it between his fingers before closing his eyes and smelling my hair. “I think you’re trying to kill me.”
“By washing my hair?” I croaked.
“By being too damn perfect.” With a curse he released me, and the happy smile plastered itself comfortably back on his face.
Demetri grabbed a few plates.
“Time to eat.”
Abrupt subject change, but okay. I was uncomfortable with his attention anyway. Nobody had called me pretty since the day Brady died.
It was getting harder and harder to remember the way his face looked when he pulled the truck over and kissed me hard on the mouth.
“You’re perfect, little seal, so perfect.” His tongue trailed down my neck. Giggling, I pushed him away.
“Brady! We’re going to be late for the game! Come on, we need to go.”
“Sorry.” He smiled unapologetically. “Okay, fine, I’m not sorry, but everyone’s going to be late, girl. Look at this weather.”
The rain was coming down in sheets, which was typical for Seaside. We had been on our way to Lincoln City for the weekend football game, in which, of course, Brady was starting quarterback.
I clenched his hand and sighed. Life was perfect. I had the perfect boyfriend. He was getting a full ride to Boise State next fall, where he’d start as their quarterback. Nobody could understand why he would choose such a small state school. But I loved Brady for it. He wanted to be close to family and knew the importance of being part of a football team that was about the team and the game more than the stars. And Boise State was that team. I admired him so much.
“I love you.” I had said it without thinking.
Brady put the car into drive, but before he pulled out he turned toward me. “Good, because we’re getting married.”
“Um, I’m sixteen,” I pointed out laughing.
He grinned then reached over for another kiss. “I’ll wait.”
I bit my lip and looked away, totally fighting the urge to clap my hands and shout from the window that I loved the most amazing guy in the world.
“We should go.” He winked and pulled out into traffic.
Then everything went black.
“Lyss? Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I hated it when I daydreamed like that.
Well, technically it wasn’t a daydream, it was a nightmare. But still.
I tried to smile even though my throat felt like it was closing up.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” My lower lip quivered.
A hot plate of food sat in front of me. Demetri was to my left. “You know what?” He pushed his food away. “I’m not that hungry yet, why don’t we take a walk on the beach?”
I nodded. I don’t know how he knew it, but I needed to get out of that house. I needed to breathe in more air. I needed to feel the salty wind against my face.
Demetri gripped my hand and pulled me through the house.
Our entire walk to the beach was silent.
Once we reached the water, Demetri spoke. “Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“That bad?” He put his arm around me. I tucked my head into his shoulder and nodded. I couldn’t trust myself to speak.
“I wish I could do more than say I’m sorry, Lyss. But know that I am. I don’t know what just happened back there, but you looked like you saw a ghost. If I was smart like Dr. Murray, I’d say you need to bleed your feelings all over the place, but shit…” His arm tightened. “I’m not a doctor, and I know that it hurts like hell when you’re going through something that no one else understands.”
I snorted, typical response. “Really, Demetri?” I pulled away from him and stared hard. He had the world at his feet! He was beautiful, gorgeous — everything a girl could want. He had money, he had fame, he had it all. I didn’t, and he was going to sit here and tell me that he knew?
“You know nothing.” I bit off. “You’re just some spoiled rock star who can’t handle the pressure of life. You escape through alcohol and drugs and if what everyone says is true, you tried to kill yourself. Yeah, you’re right. You know exactly what it’s like to feel loss.”
Demetri took a step back, hurt etched across his face. “So that’s it? You’re going to put me in that category? Write me off like everyone else in town?”
I sighed. “Look, Demetri, I’m not trying to say your pain isn’t real, but it’s self-inflicted. All of it.”
Demetri’s eyes closed. He ran his hands through his hair and cursed. I hated hurting him, but maybe it was better this way. We were from different worlds. He didn’t know pain like I knew pain.
There was no way.
“Fine.” His voice was hollow. “Let’s just go eat.” He motioned for me to follow him back to the house and started walking in that direction, but I backed up and shook my head.
“Lyss?”
It would be too easy, so easy to walk into his arms and cry.
To let him kiss my tears away and promise to be the one solid thing in my life.
But I knew the ending to that tale.
The guy didn’t end up riding in on a white horse. No, he left the world in a dark hole — never to rescue the fair damsel again. I wouldn’t allow myself to get close enough to feel that kind of pain again. My heart was already in pieces, and if Demetri put them back together again, I would always be fearful of it shattering into a million jagged pieces.
“Lyss, come on. I promise we won’t even talk. Let’s just go eat.” His eyes pleaded with mine. I shook my head again.
“It’s better this way.” I bit my lip. “You’ll see.”
“Will I?” He shoved his hands in his pocket. “Think whatever you want of me, Lyss. But know, when I said I was your friend, I meant it. If you ever need me… for anything, you know where I am.”
I almost ran to him, but I told my feet to stay planted.
He walked a few steps then stopped and turned. “I won’t stop trying.”
“You should.”
He shrugged and offered a small smile. “What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment, and you’re the first real friend I’ve ever had.”
My heart was beating out of my chest. Why was he being so nice? And why, after hanging out one time, was he suddenly offering his shoulder for me to sob on? I didn’t need him — not now, not ever. Sharing hurt too bad, and I would rather die and join Brady in the cold hard ground than open up to someone who had the potential to hurt me as much as Demetri did.
He pressed his lips together and sighed. “Look. I can tell you I’ve changed. I can spout crazy nonsense about how I feel different about you than I have any other girl. Hell, I’ve given that speech more times than I’m proud of. But I’m being honest here. I don’t know what type of crap you’ve got going on, and maybe you’re right, maybe I won’t understand. But take it from someone who knows. That shit will destroy you.” He swallowed and looked at the crashing waves before nodding his head. “I’m not going to push you. I’m not going to beg. Just know that I’ve changed. I’m not the man I used to be, I never want to be that guy again. I like you. I want to kiss you. Hell, I want to watch you eat spaghetti.
Does that make me crazy? Probably. When you’re ready, if you ever are… you know where to find me. Night, Lyss.”
With that he walked off.
And I realized in that moment I was wrong about so many things. Because as the waves crashed against the sand, as I dug my nails into my hands, one truth kept screaming at me from somewhere I thought long dead.
He already had a piece of my heart.
And I was powerless to stop him.
Chapter Twelve
Demetri
“So. Did you think about it?” Mrs. Murray was chewing her gum wildly behind her notepad. Ever so often I would hear her swallow and then pop the gum. I think I made her stressed when I was in one of my moods.
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes. I was so damn confused. It seemed no matter how careful I thought I was around Alyssa, she was always running off. Or getting that weird look on her face. Like she wasn’t even present, but somewhere else entirely.
“What’s her story?” The first thing I asked when I plopped down on the floor the next week for my counseling session.
Mrs. Murray had smiled. “I can’t tell you that.”
And we had sat in silence for the last ten minutes, until finally, she mentioned being the group facilitator again for group therapy.
“I don’t know.” I pulled the toothpick out of my mouth and sighed. “I still don’t know if I’d do a good job.”
“What if I told you a certain girl was going to be attending the first session?”
My head snapped up to attention. “Alyssa?”
Mrs. Murray rolled her eyes. “Yes, but remember, during session times she’s off limits. Besides…” She took a deep breath.
“There’s a lot about her that you don’t know.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. She’d been ignoring my phone calls all weekend. When I stopped by her parents’ store they always had some sort of lame excuse or said she was using the bathroom.
Either the girl had some serious bathroom issues, or she was gone. Either way, I was persistent.