“Lyss? You okay?” He chuckled, tilting my chin toward him.
His smile was my addiction; it was too bright, too beautiful not to respond to. His deep set dimples made his face light up into what I think every woman in my position would refer to as perfection.
“Yup,” I croaked. “Just awesome.” I felt my eyebrows lift as if to prove how totally fine I was, when really on the inside my heart was racing like crazy.
“Mmm…” His mouth descended.
Forget what I said earlier about him being like any other guy.
Other guys don’t kiss like that.
What do they do in Hollywood? Give kissing lessons? Teach the art of seduction?
His tongue tasted like the Jack Daniels taffy I had given him, sweet with a bit of salt. I opened my mouth to him as his warm hands braced my lower back, reaching lower than what was probably appropriate in public. He pushed me against the car and moaned into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to press harder against him. It was as if I couldn’t get enough of him.
“Dude,” Alec ground out. “We’re going to miss the movie.
You can make out later. You’re going to kill her if you keep sweeping in like that with no warning whatsoever. She can barely stand straight!”
Demetri pulled back chuckling. I was that girl. The girl that I swore I’d never be. The one that would literally stalk the object of her affection and never look back. His kiss did so many things to me. Things that, the minute Brady died, I thought too painful to experience again. I waited for the all too familiar stab in my chest.
But it didn’t happen. Demetri held out his hand and smiled at me.
Being with Demetri wasn’t the absence of pain. It was the added presence of peace, making it easier and easier for that little part of my heart to heal again.
“Your call.” Demetri smirked, kissing me softly across the neck. “Movie or make out?”
“No. No skipping out.” Alec approached us. “Don’t listen to him, Alyssa. He’s using his Jedi mind tricks on you. Look away!
Look away!”
I bit my lip and closed my eyes.
“Or that,” Alec said.
“Movie,” I squeaked. I hadn’t been to see in one in over a year. I just rented everything and sat alone at my house.
No wonder I’d lost all my friends.
Demetri grabbed my hand and led me into the theatre.
It suddenly dawned on me how disappointed Brady would be in my behavior. He’d always said I would change the world one day with my constant cheerfulness and positive attitude.
How did I go from that person — a person I don’t even remember being — to someone my parents put on suicide watch?
The smell of buttered popcorn bombarded my senses as we made our way past the ticket counter. The boys wouldn’t let Nat or me pay. Which was weird for me. The only person I’d ever dated before was Brady. We were such good friends that I never wanted to take advantage of him. We always went Dutch. Until now, I’d never understood how good it felt to have someone treat me.
My smile was huge. I couldn’t help it. Demetri walked up to the candy counter and scanned the glass. “One box of Swedish Fish, a bag of Gummi Worms, two bags of plain M&M’s and three sodas.”
“Are we feeding an army?” I nudged him as he paid for the candy and pop.
He grinned and nudged me back. “Nope, just a recovering drug addict with a very serious candy addiction.”
“Thanks, bro.” Alec swiped the Swedish Fish away from Demetri and opened the bag, dangling a fish in front of Nat. She blushed and kissed him before tossing it into her mouth.
“Never mind them. Swedish Fish are kinda their thing.”
Demetri smirked and wrapped his arm around me.
“And worms are yours?” I asked.
“Worms, taffy, soda, Alyssa…” His voice trailed off.
“Too bad I don’t fit in your pocket and give you a cavity.” I sighed.
“You’re short enough to, let’s be honest. And while you couldn’t give me a cavity, you make me want to taste you every second I’m with you.” He licked his lips and grinned.
“Oh.” I felt my cheeks heat as I looked away. Thankfully the movie theatre was somewhat dim, thanks to the crappy lights they used. Otherwise, I would have been embarrassed over the fact that I was blushing like a fool.
We found the right theatre and went to the back. The previews started just as we sat down.
I should have known my perfect day would end horribly.
The screen went green, and then the first preview started.
My chest tightened as I watched the preview unfold. The story so similar to my own. Girl and boy fall in love. Boy dies, but not before getting girl pregnant, and then she’s shunned by her friends until the new boy in school takes her under his wing.
The new boy is a football player.
I smiled at the relationship between the two.
And then that guy gets in a horrible accident, leaving her wondering if she would be left alone again without her love. My breathing was erratic, that much I knew. I tried to close my eyes, but the screeching of metal hitting metal was suddenly too much for me.
I ran out of the theatre, tears streaming down my face. Crap.
Why did I have to cry now, when everything finally felt normal? As if it was going to be fine.
I ran right into Sam, who was standing with Aaron. “Hey, you okay, Alyssa?”
“Fine,” I mumbled then pushed past them. My vision blurred as I tried to get to the women’s restroom in time. I felt like I was going to pass out. The sound of the crash played over and over again in my head.
The way I held his broken body, the way my hands looked so tiny trying to do compressions against his chest.
But it wasn’t enough.
It hadn’t been enough.
I tried to get him to breathe, to get him to do something.
“Brady! Stay with me, Brady! It’s going to be okay! Help is on the way. Can you hear me, Brady?” I tried to speak softly even though I wanted to scream.
“Brady?”
I tried to feel for a pulse, but there was too much blood, and my fingers kept slipping. I pulled his shirt open and continued doing compressions, even though he was lying back in his seat. It was a blessing that at least something was holding his spine in place.
I tried so hard to breathe into his mouth, but it was as if I didn’t have enough breath.
“Brady? Brady!” That time I yelled, hitting his chest harder.
His eyes flickered open.
“Beautiful,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
“I love you, Brady. Stay with me, okay? Can you keep your eyes open?”
He mumbled something else, and blood trickled out of his mouth.
Oh God, there was so much blood. His hand reached for mine. I didn’t know if I should stop and hold it or keep going.
I kept going.
He had to live.
I needed him to live. My heart was breaking in two. I would have taken his spot in a second.
“Brady? You still with me?” I tried to keep my voice light as I heard sirens in the distance. Thank God.
“Will always…” He coughed up more blood.
“Will always what?” The ambulance had just arrived.
“Love you.” He exhaled one last time as the door was torn open.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” The paramedics kept talking and talking, but all I heard were Brady’s last words. All I saw was blood, and all I felt was empty.
I fell to the ground, forgetting I was at the movie theatre right in front of the girl’s bathroom.
Voices were muffled behind me, but it was as if I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I clawed at the door. Why wouldn’t it open? I couldn’t have a meltdown in front of the whole town!
Strong arms picked me up to my feet embracing me from behind. “Shhh,” Demetri whispered in my ear.
Was I crying?
I touched my face. It was wet.
“How’d you find me?” I whispered hoarsely, refusing to turn around and look at him.
“Sam and Aaron said you ran by them toward the women’s restroom.”
I nodded. My heart beat slowly, reminding me that I had life, when all I wanted to do was crumble into a tiny ball and die.
Why was this still so hard? Was it because I refused to forget him?
But by forgetting him, I lost him. I didn’t know what to do.
I turned in Demetri’s arms and wept against his chest. He brought out the vulnerability in me. I both hated and loved it.
“Do you want to talk?” he asked after a few minutes.
I wiped some tears from underneath my eyes and shrugged.
“Let me text Alec and let him know what’s going on. We can walk back. It’s only a few miles, and it will give us time to talk, okay?”
I didn’t trust myself to speak, so I nodded.
Chapter Eighteen
Demetri
She was a damn mess. I mean I knew what she’d been through, but only because the guys in group had filled me in.
Maybe it was worse than I thought. I cursed, and rather than texting Alec, thought it might be best to explain things in person, so he didn’t think I was off doing who knows what. I jogged into the theatre to locate my brother.
“We’re gonna go,” I whispered once I found Alec.
He gave me a confused look. I shook my head, my way of saying leave it alone. I mean, he and I had our own deal of shitty baggage we had to deal with. Hell, I was still dealing with some of mine, but this girl… I don’t know. There was something about her, something more that was spiraling her into the anxiety I saw in her eyes. I knew what it felt like to be so lost all you wanted to do was allow the darkness to consume you until you breathed your last breath.
“We’ll come back and see you for your birthday.” Alec gave me a pat on my back. Nat teared up.
She was always tearing up when we all had to part ways. I knew it was hard on her to leave her home and to leave me. She was always worried I was going to fall back into bad habits.
Poor thing.
She reached over and squeezed my hand then whispered, “Don’t be an ass, Demetri. I like this one.”
Ah, Nat. Why I fell in love with her in the first place, that damn honesty. “Thanks, Nat.”
I ran back down the stairs and went in search of Alyssa.
She was standing next to the exit, her arms protectively wrapped around her frail body.
“Ready?” I held out my hand. Without answering, she took it. At least she wasn’t crying anymore.
We walked at least a mile in silence.
Damn. I hated that type of silence. The kind that’s so thick with emotion you nearly choke every time you try to breathe.
My eyes searched the landscape as I struggled for breath.
Even though we lived in Malibu, nothing really compared to the way the Pacific Ocean smelled in Oregon. The climate sucked hard, but when it was nice, it was one of my favorite places in the world.
Not that I would ever tell Nat or Alec that. They’d think I was back on drugs for sure.
“So,” I bravely spoke into the chasm of silence between us.
“Was it the preview?”
“Kind of.”
“Kind of?” I looked away. Maybe if I wasn’t focusing all my attention on her like she was some sort of broken bird, she would feel freer to speak her mind.