Alec twitched beside me. His thigh just barely grazing mine. A commercial popped on the screen but still neither of us moved.
“It’s late,” he said softly.
“I know.”
“We should go to bed.”
I opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted.
“Separately.”
“Right.” I got to my feet and waited while Alec turned off the TV as well as the rest of the lights. Once the last light downstairs was extinguished, my agony as well as blood pressure heightened.
“Alec?” I called, because I couldn’t see a thing in their house. It was pitch black and I still didn’t know where I was going. I’d never in all this time been to Demetri’s room, only Alec’s.
“I’m here.” His breath was hot on my neck, his hands slowly moved to my back and he guided me out of the living room and toward the stairs. Everywhere he touched felt like a livewire, even though I know he was only trying to be helpful. I stumbled on the final stair.
“You okay?” He chuckled.
No. I wanted to scream, No! But I didn’t. Instead I nodded mutely, forgetting that he couldn’t really see me, and waited while he walked in front of me and then grabbed my arm to tug me behind him.
We walked down to the end of the hall where his room was located, but instead of going to the left we went to the right.
“So…” Alec pushed open the door and flicked on the light. It wasn’t at all what I expected it to be. The room had muted colors of khaki and white. His bed was a large king with a navy blue duvet and a ton of fluffy pillows. The windows were wide and facing the ocean. All in all, it felt more like a hotel than a guy’s bedroom.
“Creepy, I know,” Alec said behind me. “He’s weird about keeping his room clean and clutter free, says it messes with his music if he has clutter in his life.”
“Sounds like him.” I smiled. I really did miss that boy.
“So,” Alec clapped his hands together as if he was a tour guide making and important point, “The bathroom’s right through there, and the sheets are clean. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Okay.”
Alec nodded and walked out of the room.
I called after him. “Alec, thanks for letting me stay and for…” I sighed. “For saying I’m important.”
“No problem.” He gave a sad smile and closed the door behind him.
I let out a sigh of relief as I slumped onto Demetri’s bed. I really wished he was there. If he was there then his stupid brother wouldn’t be distracting me like he was. Or at least I could lock myself in his room and pretend that his very attractive very unattainable brother wasn’t across the hall from me.
The problem was, now that I was alone in their house, all I really wanted to do was tip toe across the hall and climb into Alec’s bed. I mean it wasn’t that I wanted to do anything, I just hated being alone, and he knew that.
Just as I was getting brave enough to go knock on his door and beg to sleep on the floor, the thunder rattled the windows. With a yelp I jumped into bed and threw the covers over my head like a little kid.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, something was chasing me. I was running toward Demetri. His face was filled with so much fear, and then I looked behind me and a car was coming around the corner.
Demetri screamed. I screamed and everything went black.
“No! No!” I jolted awake.
“Nat! Nat, wake up, Sweet. Wake up.” Alec tenderly took me into his arms and rocked me gently. “It was just a dream.”
My hands shook as he tried to pull me to a sitting position in his lap. I buried my head in his chest. His smell was such a comfort to me. I felt stupid for trembling, but I couldn’t help but feel like my dream was somehow prophetic.
No matter how I looked at it.
I was going to hurt Demetri.
“Nat? Talk to me, Nat.” Alec’s voice shook.
I shivered. “It was so real.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He caressed my head, keeping it firmly tucked under his chin.
“No.” My body convulsed again.
“Come on.” Alec lifted me into his arms. I noticed his chest was bare as I completely wrapped my arms around his neck. He was warm and comforting. The outline of his tattoos was dark in the moonlight. He brought me into his room and hit the door closed with his foot.
“What are you doing?” I asked, suddenly fearful that my dream was hitting too close to home. I couldn’t be with Alec. I was with Demetri. I couldn’t hurt him like this.
“Relax.” Alec placed me on his bed and very carefully pulled back the covers. Exhausted, I snuggled into his pillow, savoring his scent.
He kissed my forehead and crawled in beside me. “Sleep, Nat.”
I wanted to sleep. But how does a person sleep when she’s emotionally cheating on her boyfriend with his brother? I shivered again, hating myself almost as much as I hated the nightmare.
“Come here.” Alec draped an arm around me and tucked me into the curve of his body. My head fit perfectly beneath his chin. His breathing was so calm, so even. How was that possible when my heart was actually ready to take flight? The material of his pajama bottoms tickled my legs. I had stolen a pair of running shorts and a T-shirt from Demetri’s dresser, and again the guilt stabbed me in the heart.
I wasn’t sure if it was Alec reading my mind or just being really perceptive, but he grunted, “Nat, I’m exhausted and most of all I’m a good guy. Close your eyes, and stop worrying. Demetri would understand.”
“Okay,” I said in a small voice then my eyes fluttered closed.
The heat of the sun woke me up. Groggily I moved just slightly trying to stretch, but I couldn’t move.
My body was pinned beneath Alec’s. Our legs entangled with each other in such an intimate way that I’m sure I was blushing to the roots of my hair. I tried to pull out from underneath him, but if anything his arms tightened around me. Dang his eyelashes were long. Black against tan skin and his constant five o’clock shadow. I didn’t notice before, but there was a small tattoo near the back of his ear that trailed down his neck onto his back. I leaned in closer, trying not to laugh as his lips parted slightly and then his eyebrows furrowed as if he was having a dream.
He was gorgeous.
Not yours, Nat. Not your gorgeous, I reminded myself as I pushed up on my elbow and peeked at his tattoo.
“Stop inspecting me, it’s creepy,” Alec said in a hoarse voice that I found so dead sexy, I was paralyzed. His eyes fluttered open, vibrant green pools of beauty stared back at me. “Did I mention I haven’t slept that good in years?”
“I’m the best bed partner ever.” I joked trying to nudge him, instead, my nudge made it so I fell back onto the bed rather forcefully. I had forgotten our legs were intertwined. The action made it so that our bodies fell together.
Alec closed his eyes and cursed. When he opened them again, they were full of steely resolve. Man, this guy was good. Not that I thought I was any kind of prize, but if he truly was trying to keep his hands off, he deserved to be sainted.
“Nat, we should, um, go for a run.”
“Okay.”
Neither of us moved.
My breathing grew faster as his eyes fell to my lips and then, in a flash, those same green eyes darkened.
I couldn’t stop him, even if I wanted to.
His head descended, and I didn’t care that I was alone with him, that Demetri was gone, that this was wrong. I was lost in him, and I never wanted to come back.
His lips touched mine. I wanted to cry out in frustration when he pulled back. I reached up and tugged his head down.
With a groan he pinned my hands to the bed and threw his other leg over my body, straddling me with his weight. He tasted so good, so warm. His kiss was so different than Demetri’s, it was the only kiss I could compare it to. Where Demetri was playful, Alec was aggressive. Where Demetri had nipped teasingly, Alec possessed.
He wrapped his hands around me, pulling me against him as his tongue pushed deeper into my mouth. This was a guy that was experienced, that much was certain. I wrapped my legs tighter around him, making his body one with mine as I gave into the kiss with everything in me. It didn’t matter that it was morning, that I was cheating, that it was so horribly wrong. All I could taste was him, and all I wanted was him.
He sucked my lower lip, then bit it and with a curse pushed away, his eyes closed as he lifted himself from me and cursed. “I’m sorry, Nat.”
Every muscle was flexed as he sat on the edge of the bed. His back was ramrod straight, his arms clenching the sheets.
“Why are you always apologizing after kissing me?” I asked, slowly moving to sit next to him.
He laughed bitterly. “Because I shouldn’t be kissing you, Nat.”
“But I thought you liked me.”
“Liked you?” Alec nearly shouted. I backed up. I didn’t like seeing him mad, he was normally in such control of his emotions that I didn’t know how to respond to him. “I don’t just like you, Nat. But it doesn’t matter.”
“Why?”
“He loves you, Nat.”
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. “I care for Demetri, you know I do.”
Alec swallowed and looked away, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as if he was trying to keep from shouting again.
“I just care about you too.”
“Damn it! Do you have any idea how screwed up this is, Nat?”
I nodded, my shoulders slumped. I was so tired of fighting my feelings. So tired of telling myself I had to choose or I would lose them both.
“It won’t happen again.” He swore. “I promised him it wouldn’t happen again.”
“What do you mean? Why are you so cryptic?”
Alec bit his lower lip and then let out a long sigh. “I would lose much more than your friendship if I answered that question, and regardless of my actions around you, I still truly desire to be your friend.”
“Can you? With this between us?” I was grasping at straws. I needed him to admit it wasn’t just me. That I wasn’t going absolutely bat shit crazy.
He was quiet for a few minutes. It felt like hours when he finally answered, “I have to.”
“So that’s that?” I said angrily.
Alec stood and turned to face me. “Yes. End of discussion.”
I glared but he stood firm. What was with him and his need for control? “Fine, let’s go for a run.”
“Nat.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Please don’t be mad. I don’t think I could handle it if I knew you were mad. I know you don’t get it, but we’re messed up, both of us. My brother and I. You’re the only one that’s been able to bring him out of it. He needs you.”
“More than you do?” I whispered looking down at the floor.
Alec cursed. “No.”
Surprised by his answer my head jolted up.
“I just know at what cost it would be to have you, and it’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”