"Wait, what? How?" I asked confused. Luke took a deep breath. As he spoke, I could see it in my head.
Audrey poured another shot from the bottle on the table. The room was all smoke and darkness while music played loudly from the boombox in the corner. Audrey leaned against the wall, drinking shots like water. The house party was beginning to fill as the night got darker, so she didn't even bother looking up when someone slid into the spot next to her.
"A pretty lady like you shouldn't drink alone," said the handsome stranger next to her. She didn't feel like being social, but at the same time she didn't want to be alone either. She looked him up and down, taking him in. He was tall, with light brown hair and striking blue eyes. Something about his easy smile drew her in. She could do much worse, and tonight of all nights she didn't want to go home alone.
"Well, you should have a shot with me so I'm not drinking alone," she said smiling. The handsome man held out his cup for her to pour a shot for him. It splashed a little as she poured the bottle.
"What are we drinking to?" he asked as he raised his glass to hers.
"To forgetting," she said after a moment. He clinked her glass and they both gulped the liquid. She poured another right away, offering some to the stranger. He held his glass steady for more.
"What would someone as pretty as you need to forget?" He asked. She squinted her eyes at him, debating whether or not she should tell him. His smile seemed nice enough. The night was still young enough to find someone else if he left.
"My ex-boyfriend is getting married today," she said, watching to see his reaction. He simply nodded and took her bottle, pouring her another shot.
"Maybe I can help you forget, then," he purred. She clinked her cup against his.
"He is a pretty hard guy to forget," she said, looking up at him through her eyelashes. He grinned and moved in closer.
"Then I'll give you something to remember," he whispered in her ear. She shivered, anticipation and instant desire flowing through her. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the heartache. Maybe it was just plain loneliness, but she wanted him. She craved him, her body aching to be loved. Maybe it would let her forget.
"My name's Audrey," she said, extending her hand. He took it in his own, but instead of shaking it, brought it to his lips and kissed it. She giggled.
"I'm Charlie."
"You mean, Andrew was an accident?" the words felt strange in my mouth. "Does Andrew know?" Luke shook his head.
"I don't think so. My dad didn't say it explicitly, but with what I could get out of him and the timing... it is too close to be coincidence," he said.
"Is that the reason they're fighting?" I asked. My brain was still trying to figure out the repercussions of what Luke had just told me. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, acid began to boil.
"No, it was just something that came up. I think they just never really worked out why they broke up in the first place. I don't think they even know why they are fighting," he said with a sigh. "It sucks. They were really happy for a while there. I thought your master plan was going to work for sure."
"It sure seemed that way. Wow, so Andrew was an accident." I couldn't seem to get past it. Luke just looked at me. "I mean, he's mad at me for being in the same situation that his mom was in. It's so hypocritical."
"It's not hypocritical if he doesn't know, Holly," he said tactfully. I stood up and started pacing the deck. My stomach rolled and my hands were sweaty. I wondered if I was going to get sick. I braced myself against the deck railing and took a deep breath. The air smelled like pine trees and dust.
"I hate this. I want to be angry with him, but I'm just angry with myself." I wanted to cry. It didn't feel right to have Andrew mad with me. I wanted more than anything to go back and change things. My fury fizzled quickly, leaving me feeling hollow. "Do you think if I had told him, things would have turned out differently?"
"I don't know, Holly. Maybe. Maybe things would have turned out just the same or worse. There isn't anything to be gained by worrying about the should-have-could-haves," Luke answered patiently. I must have asked him that question every day this week.
"I know. I'm just frustrated. Thank you for everything, Luke. Thanks for putting up with me," I said as he stood up and stretched.
"Just keep giving it time," he said. He cracked his knuckles and opened the door back to the house. "I have to get going, my shift at the hardware store starts soon. Stop by the station sometime this week and put your name on the volunteer list. You want to carpool? I'll drive."
"Sounds good to me. I won't have a car this weekend, so I'll sign up on Monday," I answered.
"Why won't you have a car?" Luke asked pausing at the door.
"Mine is in the shop, and Dad has to work this week and over the weekend. I have the weekend off, so I am just going to hang out here," I sat down on the swing. "You know, work on my tan and catch up on some reading."
"Oh, okay. I'm on fire duty all this weekend, but if you get bored, give me a call." He gave her one last look. "all right then, I'm off," he said with a wave as he shut the door behind him. I was glad we were speaking again. At least one thing was right in my world. I stretched out on the swing, feeling the warm sunshine. The air was stale and parched, the wood warm on my back. I lay there and contemplated what I had just heard from Luke.
It seemed so strange. Andrew was an accident. I guess it explained why Audrey and Charlie never had more kids. It was sad though. Audrey and Ray could have been happy together. They even got a second chance, but they were letting it fall apart over a twenty-year-old argument.
I glanced at my phone, hoping Andrew had texted me back. The screen stayed blank. I sighed and put it back in my pocket. This wasn't something that was going to be fixed easily. I had betrayed his trust. I felt my shame threatening to overwhelm me again, and this time there wasn't anyone to stop it. All I could see was the revulsion on his face when he thought I had been pregnant and didn't know the father. It was good he didn't know all the things Bobby had done to me.
The swing creaked gently as a soft breeze came up the mountain. It was peaceful here. I closed my eyes and tried to absorb all of it into my soul. I could see all my mistakes lined up neatly, and then they all fell like dominoes to squish me. I couldn't run from my past. I had to live up to it. Hiding from it had only made things worse.
I promised myself that if Andrew started talking to me again, I would tell him everything. Even the things I didn't want to tell. He would know all of it because it was a part of me now. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.
I checked my phone again, knowing that I hadn't heard or felt it. I just wanted it to ring. I wanted to move on, but I was trapped by the past. It felt like an overgrown forest closing in around me. I couldn't seem to escape and I wanted a hero to come save me.
Chapter 14
The growing flames made the air visible. Shimmering heat rose from the parched ground as the flames approached. The ground burned with embers, coals bright like eyes staring into the souls of the men who tried to stop it. The firefighters gave up ground reluctantly to the hungry flames.
***
I woke up thinking a storm was rolling in from the lack of sunshine, the glowing clock casting strange shadows in my darkened room. The sky outside was black with smoke, gray ash falling like desecrated snow. The smell of smoke permeated everything, even when I closed the windows and stuffed a towel under the front door. I stared out the window into the dark sky, wondering where the fire was. The fire danger had been marked extreme for over a month, but even then it was still early in the season for a fire this size. The dry winter and abnormally warm spring had made the entire area a tinderbox ready to burn.
I started a pot of coffee as I checked my cell phone and the home phone to make sure there were no messages, and then turned on the TV. Flames engulfed a hillside as a news chopper circled in the sky. I recognized the hill as my favorite sledding spot a couple of miles away. I watched in silence as my childhood memories burned.
"The small town of Conifer is burning this morning. Fire crews are struggling to contain a wildfire that started late last night off of US-285. Mandatory evacuations via reverse 911 are in full effect for certain divisions of Conifer and the surrounding areas." The scene cut to firefighters in full yellow gear battling the flames.
I wondered if Luke was out there with them. Knowing him, he was probably right in the heart of things trying to save the day. A map of the town appeared with lines drawn for the fire. I was on the far side and up the mountain. My house didn't look like it was in the evacuation area on the map.
"Winds are expected to increase as the day continues, making hard work for the firefighters. We'll have more on this breaking story after the weather. Back to you, Jim," the attractive reporter signed off and the scene returned to a desk in a studio somewhere. I muted the TV as a commercial for some sort of gadget blared out of the screen.
The house was eerily quiet. A chill hit me, like someone walking over my grave. I got halfway to the kitchen to grab my keys before I remembered I didn't have a car. I glanced out the window at the smoky sky, wondering just how close the fire actually was. I checked the land-line phone again just to make sure I hadn't received an evacuation phone call. Nothing. Something didn't feel right though, and I decided to get some things ready in case an evacuation was issued.
I pulled out an old duffel bag and threw in some clothes, toiletries, and shoes. I then went up to the attic and grabbed the photo albums, making sure I got the ones with my mom in them. The photos were all I had left of her.
I could remember her smile and the way she smelled, but she had died when I was four. I put the picture of her holding me, the both of us smiling for the camera in my pocket. I wondered if she was looking out for me, or just watching me and wondering what I was doing with my life. I found myself wishing she were there with me, helping me pack and comforting me so I wouldn't get scared.
I grabbed some things for my dad, including, of course, his binder full of important legal papers. I stumbled across an old photo of Andrew and I, our young faces smiling for a camera. The picture was on my dad's desk. It was faded and worn, but I remembered the day. We had found my dad's old camera and had insisted on finishing out the roll of film on it. That picture was the only one on the whole roll that had actually developed. I almost didn't bring it with me, but something made me slide it into the legal binder.
Everything all fit in the bag and I put it by the front door. I picked up a plastic grocery bag and filled it with dog food before double-bagging it. That and Shadow's leash went by the door too.
The sky seemed darker outside, so I checked the home phone again, feeling a little silly. I still had this horrible, nagging sensation that something wasn't right. I paced the house a couple of times, making sure that I had all the sentimental stuff from the walls as well as all the practical things. My pile by the door grew a little, but not much. I couldn't shake the edgy feeling. Smoke and flames flashed on the silent TV screen.
I picked up my cell phone, thinking I would call Britney or someone from work to come get me. There was a missed call and a text message. Both were from Andrew. I felt my heartbeat quicken and I nearly dropped the phone, my fingers clumsily pressing the buttons to view the message.