Mira shrugged. "Okay. But you won't want to miss out on blueberry pancakes with whipped cream."
As the girl wandered into the kitchen with the other Breedmates, only Elise remained. Her soft eyes were sympathetic. Far too knowing for Tavia's comfort. "Something happened with Sterling." Not a question, a gentle statement of fact. "Is he gone again?"
Tavia nodded, seeing no sense in denying it. "A couple of hours ago. I don't know if he'll be coming back."
Elise let out a small sigh. "I'm sorry. I saw how he was with you. If he left, don't think it's a question of whether or not he cares for you. It was plain to me - to everyone - that he does." Tavia shrugged, managed a faint smile. "I can't stay now either."
The female's expression went a bit cautious. "Perhaps you should talk with Lucan first." "Is that a polite way of telling me I'm not allowed to leave?" She exhaled a soft apology. "When Chase comes back - if he comes back - I don't want to make things harder for him. He needs the Order."
"Yes," Elise agreed. "I think he needs you too."
Tavia shook her head, wishing that was true. "I have to go."
"Stay for breakfast, at least," Elise offered. "The warriors and Renata will be here before sunrise. Perhaps Sterling will be back by then too."
"I can't," Tavia replied. She glanced past Elise as Dylan popped her fiery red head out from the dining room.
"Are we setting another place at the table?"
"That's what we're discuss - " Elise's words were left unfinished.
Because in the time it took for her to swivel her blond head around to answer Dylan, Tavia had summoned the speed given to her by her Breed genetics and had disappeared out the front door.
HE WAS AN IDIOT.
It had taken him several hours to arrive at that realization. Several dozen miles of running like a wild animal through the cold, dark wilderness to understand he would never be able to get far enough away from his biggest problem: himself.
He had to face his demons, not hope he could outpace them or deny them.
Tavia had been teaching him that by example from the moment he first laid eyes on her. He'd just been too thick-headed to grasp the concept.
He'd hurt her earlier, scared her, and he needed to repair that damage - if she'd let him. He didn't know how to live with someone, how to love someone the way a special female like Tavia deserved, but he wanted to try. As unsure as he was about proving himself worthy of her, he could not imagine his life without her.
He loved her, and if it took locking himself up below the Order's new compound to starve the Bloodlust out of him, then he was damn well good and ready to get started.
His bare feet flew over the snow and ice of the forest floor. He felt none of the cold, only the warm promise of a future he hoped to convince Tavia to share with him as his mate.
But as the sprawling bulk of the stone-and-timber compound appeared in the distance ahead of him, Chase realized she was gone.
He felt her absence even before he climbed back in through the window she'd left open in the bedroom where they'd made love. Where he'd fallen on her like the animal he was and fed until she was weeping and terrified. His blood told him she was nowhere near now.
By the vacant chill of his veins, he guessed that she was easily miles away. He'd lost her, probably forever.
He should be relieved, for her, if not himself. She'd made the decision for him. The safest one. The only one that wouldn't put her life at risk every time she got near him.
He sat down on the edge of the empty bed, naked, bereft.
Dawn was rising, sending slivers of pale pink light down through the thick canopy of pines outside. He watched it for a moment, unable to summon the desire to close the shutters. The house's electronic security took care of it for him, automated steel louvers locking tight, blotting out the morning.
He didn't know how long he sat there. When the hard rap sounded on the door behind him, his voice was a rusty sound in the back of his parched throat. "Yeah."
"Harvard." Dante spoke through the closed slab of hand-hewn wood. "You two decent in there, man?"
Chase gave a faint scoff. "She's gone," he murmured.
The door opened and Dante stepped inside. "Jesus, it's freezing in here. What do you mean, she's gone?"
Chase pivoted his head to meet his old friend's confused frown, turning amber high beams on him. The warrior lifted his chin, dark brows rising as he took in Chase's feral appearance. "Ah, shit. You didn't - "
"I drank from her," Chase admitted. "Things got ... out of hand. I scared her pretty bad. I hurt her, and now she's gone."
Dante stared at him for a long moment, studying him. "You care about this female."
"I love her. That should be reason enough for me to let her go, right?" He slowly shook his head, considering how much better off she'd be without him. "I'm the last thing she needs in her life."
"More than likely," Dante replied, grave. No mercy in his voice or in the sober eyes that held Chase's amber-swamped gaze. "She doesn't need you in her life like this, my friend. Nobody who cares about you wants to be there to watch when you crash and burn. I'd say least of all her. I don't mean to be harsh. You're trying to get your shit together, I can see that."
"Yeah," Chase agreed. "I have to. I want to prove to her that I can beat this."
Dante shook his head. "No, man. First, you have to want to prove it to yourself."
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
DAWN WAS COLD and brittle, clouding Tavia's breath as she stood on the stoop of the little house she'd called home until roughly a week ago. Yellow crime scene tape sealed the front door, which was still festooned with a ribboned Christmas wreath and sleigh bells that jangled as she broke the tape and stepped inside.