Feeling less gloomy after her shower, Randi went into what used to be her parents’ bedroom. It was now a home office, since she couldn’t bear to make their room into her bedroom. Not now. Maybe not ever.
It’s only noon. I have time to check my email.
Of course, she was rationalizing. The sooner she got outside to plow, the faster she could go get food. But she hadn’t checked for a reply from S., and she’d love to know what he had to say about her email to him last Friday.
Sitting down at the small desk, she opened her laptop and waited for her email to boot up.
Dear M.,
I’m sorry you got stood up. Oh hell . . . I’m not really that sorry. I never want anything to happen that hurts you, but I really was envious of your date. Maybe he’ll stay sick for weeks so you can’t reschedule.
I did end up getting stuck in the blizzard, so I’m still in Maine. I’ll be here until the weather clears, so talk to me. What stupid thing did you do tonight if your date never showed up?
Sincerely,
S.
Randi glanced at the date on the email. He’d answered back only a short time after she’d emailed him two days ago. She’d been too restless to sit, so she’d kept herself busy and hadn’t checked her email since she’d sent her note on Friday.
She had told him it had been a long day, and that she’d done something stupid. Randi wasn’t certain she wanted to fess up to exactly what she’d done.
I kissed Evan Sinclair. Okay, he kissed me, but I kissed him back. I don’t want to want him. I don’t want to be attracted to him at all.
“I can’t stand the guy. Why did it feel so amazing?” she asked Lily, who was now on the floor next to her feet. She smiled as Lily’s head came up and she let out a huge yawn. “Human problems are boring stuff to you, huh?” Randi guessed that her problems weren’t much of an issue to a creature who lived for food, belly rubs, and playing fetch.
Toying with her computer mouse, she contemplated how much she wanted to share with her email friend. Finally, she decided to just tell him the truth.
Dear S.,
Have you been attracted to someone who you don’t even like as a person? I haven’t, at least not until recently. I didn’t think that something like that could even happen. How can you want to be intimate with someone you don’t even like?
Randi let the question hang there for a moment before pressing the “Send” button. She talked to her friend about many things, but they’d never gotten quite this personal. But she’d found that being anonymous had allowed her to talk about any number of thoughts and feelings openly. In many ways, she had developed an indescribable connection to S. over the last year. She didn’t think there was much she couldn’t tell him.
She wasn’t really surprised when a reply popped into her mailbox a few moments later.
Dear M.,
I thought your date stood you up. Who are we talking about?
She smiled and quickly typed a response. Somehow, she’d been almost certain he’d start talking to her. What else was there to do in the middle of a Northeast blizzard if you still had an Internet connection?
Dear S.,
He didn’t actually stand me up. He was sick. I’m talking about someone else I’ve known for a while. I’ve always thought he was attractive, yet I don’t like him. How does that happen?
He wrote back.
Dear M.,
I’m not certain, to be quite honest. But I do know that two people can irritate the hell out of each other and still desire each other. I’ve had the same experience myself recently.
Randi was slightly taken aback and wasn’t sure how she felt about her longtime email buddy wanting another woman. He’d kept her company during some of her darkest times, and it stung a little that he had other women in his life. She’d always assumed he was alone, like her, and that was one of the reasons they’d connected so well with each other.
She shrugged. He was a nice guy, and it wasn’t like she wouldn’t date if the opportunity came up with somebody she could connect with and liked. It made sense that he had women in his life. She’d just never considered the possibility. They always laughed about being alone on date nights.
Dear S.,
Glad to hear it’s not just me. I have nothing in common with the guy, and he’s totally obnoxious. Yet I find him physically attractive. Weird, huh?
It took a minute to get his response.
Dear M.,
Not really weird. However, I think you should stay away from him. You deserve someone who adores you, and he sounds like a jackass. Don’t settle for anything less.
Randi sighed as she stared at his answer. Why couldn’t there be a man in her life as nice as her pen pal?
Dear S.,
Maybe I’m a raving bitch? Sometimes I am, you know.
She laughed at his return email.
Dear M.,
Impossible. I don’t think you have a mean bone in your body except when it comes to agreeing to meet me.
Randi sighed. It wasn’t that part of her didn’t want to meet the mysterious S., but she knew she never would. Deep down, she wasn’t certain that he really wanted to meet her, either, even though he said that he did. Being anonymous was what made them such good friends. Randi never wanted to lose that connection. Meeting him wasn’t worth the risk of losing a valuable friendship.
Dear S.,
That just goes to prove that you don’t know me well. I’m off to stock up on dog food and junk food to ride out the next storm. Stay warm.
TTYS,
M.
She waited for him to sign off.
Dear M.,
Be careful. Even if you are in a small town, the roads are bad everywhere. Let me know that you got back safe.