He kicked the door closed. Dropped the bags onto the counter. Stared.
The same memories were in those piercing baby blues, growing darker with desire as he kept studying her, his gaze lingering on all the sensitive parts he had touched and bit and licked. She tried to talk, failed, and tried again.
“Thought you had left.” She cleared her throat and forced out more words. “Thought you went home.”
His brows lowered. “You think I’d just take off after the night we had?”
She swallowed and tried not to cling to the wild hope they could make this work. Whatever this was. “Didn’t know.”
He set the large coffee in front of her. “Now you do. I may be a jerk sometimes, but I’d never hurt you like that.”
Gen stiffened her spine. “If you stayed just because you’re afraid I’ll freak out, don’t worry. I’m fine. You can take off your armor.”
His lips tipped in a smile. “You are always cranky before your coffee. Drink up.” She glared but managed a few sips, closing her eyes in ecstasy at the first hit of caffeine. “I brought pastry, too. Apple turnover. Just out of the oven.”
She slid onto the stool while he opened the bag, removed the wrapping, and put it on a plate. The sticky phyllo dough combined with fresh apples sent a sugar rush into her blood. “So good,” she moaned. “Thanks.”
She glanced up and froze.
His gaze devoured her alive, heavy with need and a hint of primitive maleness that made her want to strip off her clothes and tempt the beast. The image hit her hard. Knees spread, his mouth on her pussy, writhing and moaning her pleasure while he brought her to orgasm. The pastry dropped from her fingers.
He seemed to fight his decision to close the distance between them. Take her in his arms and kiss her. But then he turned away, and the spell was broken. Gen sipped more coffee, her appetite suddenly gone.
Screw this. She’d never been afraid to speak her mind with him before. Sex wasn’t about to take away her honesty.
“Guess this gives awkward a whole new meaning,” she offered. “You look like you’d rather have a battle with a tarantula.”
A strangled laugh echoed in the air, but he still didn’t meet her gaze. “We’re definitely on unfamiliar ground. I’ve never done this before.”
“Had wild sex with a woman?”
“Had wild sex with my best friend.”
“I’m still your friend,” she said quietly.
He sighed. “I know. But I wonder now if I’ll always want more.”
She sucked in her breath. He turned. Gen ached to touch him, smooth the worried frown from his brow, but they needed the distance. “What if you could have more?” Her heart pounded as she threw the words out. An invitation to her heart and soul. No RSVP needed. Just show up and claim. She was so stupid. She so didn’t care.
Slowly, the hope and life drained from his expression, and a bone-numbing grief took hold. “I can’t, Gen,” he said. His arms lifted in supplication and surrender. “I can’t give you what you need.”
“How do you know? Maybe all I need is for you to try.”
“And ruin our friendship? Turn something good into pain and resentment? Because that’s what I do well. I can’t get close, tell you who I am. I never will. I’m only half a man, and how can that be good enough for you? One day you’ll hate me, and we won’t be able to go back. If we stop now, we can salvage the good stuff.”
She hated his rationality and the excuses he made without trying. She hated him not wanting to fight for her, for them, for himself. Something terrible had happened to him, and he seemed to accept he’d never get past it. And since he refused to share, it was like fighting a ghost. Loss slumped her shoulders. No. She wouldn’t beg anymore for something he didn’t want to give her. Never again.
“How?” she asked. “How do we move forward?”
He took a step closer. “Let me stay a little longer. Give me a chance to get back to friendship.”
A humorless laugh escaped. “Are you kidding? Living together is what made this whole friendship thing change between us. You have to move out.”
He shook his head stubbornly. “No. I don’t trust David not to pull something else. With a restraining order against me, it means he can’t get near you while I’m here. I’ll give you space, Gen. I’ll prove we’re meant to be better as friends. I swear.”
She groaned and buried her face in her palms. Ridiculous. All he had to do was walk in the room and she wanted him. Did he really think she could forget the most amazing sex of her life and get back to beer, darts, and being buddies?
The voice inside her gut screamed, But it’s what he needs. Losing her would damage him. Damage her. She couldn’t walk away. If they both tried, maybe they could exorcise that one night and change it into something good. A bonding experience. She heard Kate’s high-pitched voice yelling in her ear that she was batshit crazy, but what else could she do? If it didn’t work out, she’d make him go back to his apartment.
You want him here. You’d use any excuse to keep him close.
So what? She’d get over it. Now that she knew there was no way for anything more between them, maybe she’d be able to let it go.
Lie.
Leave me alone.
“And if it doesn’t work?”
His face reflected pure stubborn lines and an implacable determination. “It will. I’ll never forget last night. You showed me things that were—” He broke off, but she needed him to finish.