Rose rolls her eyes. “When you do have sex, please make sure he’s safe with you. I would have a talk with him, but Connor forbade me. He said it wasn’t my place,” she scoffs. “You’re my sister. It’s most definitely my place to threaten his testicles and penis.”
Lily frowns. “When does Connor forbid you to do anything?” Rose does have equal footing in her relationship with Connor. Except probably in bed. God, I balk at the memory of him dominating her as they had sex. I restrain the urge to disappear beneath the water.
“He threatened to return all of the Hermes clothes he bought for me.” She inhales deeply. “It was low. But I’ve moved past it.”
“Right,” I say with a smile. “Well you don’t need to worry. I’m not ha**ng s*x with him.” Yet.
This should be the moment where I open up about my very first orgasm, where I share all the details. I’ve told them about these troubles before, so telling them about my success would be natural. But I keep that inside. Not just because it involves Ryke but because it feels attached to more things I can’t express to them anymore.
Night terrors. Sleeping.
I have no more pain medication, which means no more sluggish sleep for me.
I’ll be taking Ambien tonight, a pill that combats my insomnia but brings me to a dark realistic dream-state.
I’m nervous about screaming in the middle of the night, waking and worrying them. How do I explain myself?
Do I say: I can’t sleep at night because I think about the man who crawled into my room to snap pictures. I think about the paparazzi who’ve cornered me. I think about all the friends who hate me, scorned me and terrified me. I think about all the men who believe I’m Lily. And you’re the cause, big sis. You’re the reason I can’t sleep. If it wasn’t for your sex addiction, I’d be free. So f**king free.
You’ve hurt me.
I can’t say those words.
Not tonight.
Maybe not ever.
No one brings up Ryke again, but after one minute, Lily winces. “Ow. Don’t pinch,” she tells Rose.
“I didn’t,” Rose snaps. “Stop rubbing up against the rock.” And then Rose’s gaze drifts to me, and her eyes slowly grow.
“What?” I say. “I know you don’t like my haircut, Rose—”
“It’s not that,” Rose says softly. “Lily, get out of the water.”
“What?” Lily says, and then she follows Rose’s gaze. “Oh…shit.” Lily motions to my neck and then she turns and crawls onto the rock. The moment she does, I see, on Lily’s back, what Rose is internally freaking out about.
Leeches.
We’re swimming with leeches.
38
RYKE MEADOWS
I chug a water bottle after finishing my burger.
Lo tosses his dirty paper plate into the fire. No one mentions how long the girls have been, but with every pause in our switch of conversation, it’s the unspoken thing that’s said. We ate without them because none of us wanted to eat cold f**king food.
“Lily looks like she’s gaining more weight,” I tell Lo. She’s always really bony, naturally skinny and gangly, so it’s a good sign when she’s bigger. It means she’s getting healthy, not so consumed by her sex addiction.
“Her boobs are bigger,” Lo says, taking a sip of his water. He twists the cap, lost in thought for the hundredth time since the camping trip.
“Or Daisy’s are smaller,” I add.
Lo glares. “I shouldn’t even have to f**king say it.”
“What? That I shouldn’t be looking at her boobs? It’s not like there’s anything there,” I say the f**king truth, but I realize immediately that it sounds bad. I don’t need a girl to have big br**sts in order to love her or find her attractive. None of that matters.
Connor arches his brow at me.
Yeah, this is exactly what he told me not to do. Fucking A.
Lo waves his plastic butter knife at me. “How many times in two years do I need to remind you not to talk about her boobs? Seriously? It’s f**king weird.”
Now I feel like shit. I keep reminding myself that she’s my girlfriend, but it’s really f**king hard when Lo is looking at me like I’m another Julian. “You were the one who brought up Lily’s tits. I didn’t say one f**king word about them until you did.”
Connor wraps aluminum foil over the plate of leftover burgers. “You just used a kindergarten argument,” Connor says. “The he did it first isn’t a good rebuttal.”
I swear they love to f**king gang up on me—probably because they know I can take it. “Thanks for the opinion, Cobalt.”
“Always,” he says. Then he checks his watch, glancing at the woods where the girls disappeared off to. It’s been a f**king long time. I start to worry about Daisy. I don’t know where she was taking Lily and Rose, but she could have easily climbed a tree and fallen off a branch. My heart plummets to my stomach.
And then Lo shoots off of the chair, tossing his water bottle on his seat. “I’m going to go find Lily.” He spoke the f**king unspoken words, and just like that we’re all standing, following Lo’s trail. We can leave the fire for a few minutes without putting it out.
Walking in the general direction of where the girls went, we hear the rush of water and figure Daisy would’ve been attracted to it. Voices echo the closer we near the stream or waterfall.
“It’s leeching all my nutrients!” Lily shouts. And Lo takes off, his walk turning into a sprint.
“Hold still,” Daisy says calmly.
Rose winces loudly. “I’m going to murder every one of these disgusting things!” Connor matches Lo’s pace, and I stay behind them, thinking Daisy’s fine.
When we come into the clearing, Lily looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
A na**d f**king deer.
I try not to look, but black leeches are stuck to her abdomen and arms while Daisy tries to pry them off…who’s also naked.
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her completely undressed. Last year. New Year’s Eve at Rose’s house in Princeton, Daisy had a scheming look on her face with this really playful smile. The countdown to midnight happened, and while her date, some f**king Abercrombie model, was about to kiss her, she avoided his mouth by starting to strip, backing up towards the kitchen with each discarded article of clothing. She said that the new year couldn’t start off right without someone streaking.
Her eyes were on mine.
Mine were on hers.
And then the model she was with—he cut in and helped take off her bra.
I grabbed him by the shoulder, instinctively, a gut reaction out of irritation and anger. I didn’t want her with this fratty f**king guy, a grade A douchebag. She finished undressing, and I caught a glimpse of her body before she sprinted outside, laughing in the cold. And then her date went off on me, yelling in my f**king face, and my date—she shot daggers at me from across the room, holding a champagne glass in a tight hand.
I can’t even express how many months we both tried with someone else. But even seeing her now na**d another time, it’s different. My concern is at a f**king peak, heightened, revved to the max.
My brother has blinders on. He just goes straight to Lily without looking at anyone else.
Connor is already beside Rose while she stubbornly tries to pull a leech off her shoulder blade, refusing his help at first, and so Daisy is instantly pushed to the side.