Six months.
I feel like I’m dying on the inside.
Tears are fighting at my eyes. My lower lip trembles. I bite down on it.
“Daisy, the ultimate goal here is to have Jesse back with his family, and that’s you. But I need to make sure that the environment I put him back into is a stable one. You need time to acclimate to life on the outside. And this will give you time to get your finances steady, get your life in a good place, and get you ready for Jesse’s return.”
“Am I…” My voice breaks, so I clear my throat and blink back the tears. “Will I be able to see him?”
“Absolutely. I have talked to Jesse, and he is willing to see you.”
“He’s still angry with me?”
She presses her lips together. “The anger has simmered. It’s more like he’s harboring resentment, but I have no doubt that, once the two of you start spending time together, he’ll come around in no time.”
“When can I see him?”
“I was thinking next Saturday. So long as Jesse is okay with it, I see no problem with you picking him up at nine a.m. and spending the day together. He’ll need to be back at five for dinner. But, aside from that, the day will be yours to do with as you wish.”
“Thank you,” I tell her.
She picks up her cup and takes a large gulp of tea before putting it back on the table. “Well, I must get off. My husband will have dinner waiting on the table for me.”
I stand at the same time as she does.
“Oh, before I forget, here’s the address to where Jesse is living. I’ll call the home on Monday to let them and Jesse know that you’ll be coming.”
She hands me a piece of paper, which I look at before folding it up into my hand.
I walk her to the door, opening it. “Thank you for coming to see me,” I tell her.
She puts her hand on my arm. “Try not to feel too disheartened, Daisy. Just try to remember that you and I are both working toward the same goal—doing what’s best for Jesse.”
I want to tell her that I am what’s best for him. Not living in that boys home with a bunch of strangers, but being here with his family.
Of course I say nothing. I just smile and nod my head.
“We’ll talk soon.” She steps through the door. “And have a lovely time with Jesse next Saturday. Call me on the Monday after to let me know how it went.”
“I’ll call on my lunch break.”
“Perfect. Chat then.”
I watch her walk away and then shut the door.
I lean back against it, once again fighting tears in my eyes.
I’m not getting him back.
But I am going to see him in just over a week. That’s a good thing. I know it is, but I just want him back here with me.
Fucking Jason! He ruined my life.
But more so, I’m angry with myself for being so gullible and stupid. For not seeing when I was being played.
I hear my phone beep in the living room. I go to retrieve my phone and see a text from Cece.
Is she still there? I’ve finished work early, but I can hang around here if you need more time.
I decide not to text but to call her back.
“Hey,” she says.
The sound of her voice breaks my resolve, and a sob slips out. I press my fist to my mouth.
“Dais, what happened?” she asks, concerned.
Lowering my hand, my voice trembling, I say, “I’m not getting Jesse back. Well, not anytime soon.”
“Oh, Dais…”
“I have to prove to them that I’m responsible enough to care for him and that I’m not going to end up back in prison.”
“You were already all of those things. Fucking Jason!” she seethes. “I swear to God, when I find that little bastard, I’m gonna kill him. Hang him up by his balls and chop his cock off!”
Her anger for Jason soothes me a little. Cece has never been shy about vocalizing it. I know she wonders why I don’t get mad like she does. But I know that losing my shit over Jason isn’t going to help me get back those eighteen months. And it sure as hell isn’t going to help me get Jesse back.
“If you chopped his cock off, wouldn’t the rope just keep slipping off his balls?”
“Nope, because I’d tie it so tight that the circulation in his ball sack would be cut off, and then his balls would just shrivel up and die.”
“But wouldn’t they just fall off, and then he’d be free?”
“Maybe. But at least he’d be cock- and ball-less.”
That makes me laugh. “You always manage to make me feel better, Ce.”
“I am the queen of comedy.”
“That, you are.”
“So, what else did Anne say?”
“She said I could see Jesse. A week from tomorrow.”
“That’s great news.”
“It is. I just…” My smile fades away, seeping into the sadness.
“I know. You want him home. I want him home, too. Look, I’m leaving work now. I’ll pick up a bottle of wine on the way home. So, I’ll see you in twenty.”
“Thanks, Ce. See you soon.” I hang up the phone and rest my head back against the sofa.
I can’t believe I was so stupid to think that, if I dressed nice and fed her tea and biscuits, then she’d let me have Jesse back.
I mean, I wasn’t expecting to get him tomorrow, but…six months…
God, I’m so fucking dumb.
I should have known that nothing is ever that easy for me. I have to fight for everything in this life.
Another sob breaks free, and this time, I don’t stop it. I just let the tears flow.