Taking ahold of his hands on my waist, I peel them off and step back, still holding his hands because I’m worried he might fall over. I stare into his face. His eyes are half-shut and glazed.
“Let’s get you to sit down, and I’ll make coffee.”
“Don’t want coffee.” He frowns. “Just want you.”
He wants me.
My heart lurches.
He’s drunk, Daisy. Drunk people often say things they don’t mean.
He lurches forward again, and I catch hold of him. His head falls to my shoulder, his forehead pressing to my bare skin. I feel his body tremble.
“I never wanted you to know.” His words are soft but choked.
Then, I feel wetness on my skin.
Tears.
Jesus, fuck.
I feel sick.
“I’m so sorry, Kas. So sorry.” Tears blur my eyes. I press my hand to the back of his head, holding him to me, as I wrap my other arm around him.
His face slides into the hollow of my neck, his even breaths hot against my skin.
“It was my fault,” he mumbles. “If I’d been stronger…fought harder…she’d still be alive.”
Haley.
Pain clamps down on my chest and twists my gut.
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting tears. “Shh…” I soothe, running my hand over his head. “It’s going to be okay, Kas. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“It’s already too late,” he says, his lips brushing against my skin.
“Too late?” I whisper.
“For Haley…and for me.”
What do I say?
You’re still here. She’s gone. But you are still here, and I care about you.
I can’t say that, so instead, I say, “It wasn’t your fault, Kas.”
He draws in a shuddering breath. “You don’t know anything.”
“So, tell me. You can talk to me.”
Pulling from my hold, he lifts his eyes to mine. They’re still glazed with alcohol. “You don’t want to know.”
“If you want to tell me, then I want to know.”
He turns from me, eyes on the wall, and his body sways. “You don’t want to get involved with me. I’m not a good man, Daisy.”
He’s said that to me before.
“Yes, you are,” I argue.
“No, I’m not.” His voice sounds so sure. He turns his head to look at me. “I’m a fucking monster, Daisy. Not like those bastards, but a monster all the same. The things I’ve done…”
The things he’s done?
Something cold and hard settles in my stomach. “What have you done?” My voice wavers.
He holds my stare for a moment longer, and then he looks away, back to the wall. “Nothing. Forget I said anything. I don’t even fucking know why I came here.” He stumbles back a step, his back hitting the wall.
I try not to let his words hurt me.
I try…with no success. They sting like a bitch.
Breathing through the hurt, I focus on him. “Let me help you,” I say softly, taking a step closer.
His eyes turn to mine. I can see fissures of pain in them, and they crack me wide open.
“No one can help me,” he whispers, broken. “I was lost a long time ago.”
Tears start to swim in his dark eyes, and I nearly start bawling.
“Fuck,” he mutters angrily. Then, he tips his head back against the wall, hitting it with a thud. He shuts his eyes and begins breathing in and out deeply.
I see movement from the corner of my eye and turn to see Cece standing in the doorway of her bedroom.
“All okay?” she asks, concerned.
“He’s just drunk,” I answer.
“I’m not drunk. I’m just happy,” Kas mutters.
My eyes flash to him. His are still closed.
I remember saying those very words to him when I was drunk.
“Do you want me to make coffee?” Cece asks.
I shake my head. “I’ll just put him to bed. Let him sleep it off.”
“I don’t wanna go to bed,” Kas mumbles.
“You’re going to bed,” I tell him.
“You need a hand?” Cece asks.
“I think I’ve got it. He can walk.” I nudge his chin with my hand. “Can’t you?”
Sleepy eyes open to half-mast. “Huh?”
“Can you walk?”
“Of course I can,” he slurs, drunkenly sleepy.
I reach over and lock the door. Then, I put my arm around his waist. Gripping ahold of him, I move him off the wall. He starts to walk with me, but he’s leaning a lot of his weight on me.
God, he weighs a lot.
I consider myself to be quite strong for my size, but I’m buckling under his weight.
I keep moving, trying to get him to pick up the pace before I fall over. We pass by Cece.
“See you in the morning,” I tell her. “And sorry about…you know.” I tip my head in Kas’s direction.
“Don’t worry about it. And he came to see you, so all is not lost,” she whispers that last part.
My eyes flash up to Kas, whose eyes are firmly shut, but I’m sure he heard her.
I give Cece an annoyed look.
She just grins at me and then disappears back into her room.
Sighing, I maneuver Kas into my bedroom and then onto my bed, which he hits with a thud and nearly takes me down with him.
Righting myself, I walk over and switch on the bedside lamp. The light illuminates his gorgeous face.
He’s sprawled out on my bed, eyes shut, breathing deeply, with one leg hanging off the edge.
Of all the ways I imagined Kas being in my bed, this was not one of them. Drunk and passed out.