“Damien was always going to die. You just beat me to it.” The corner of his lip tips up into a half-smile, making me smile.
Then, it drops when I remember the reason I’m smiling.
I killed a man. Just like Kas has.
I guess we have more in common now than we ever did before.
Mirroring him, I wrap my arms over my chest. “How did you know that Damien was here that day?” I ask him the question that’s been plaguing me for a while now.
“I didn’t. It was just lucky timing.”
“So, why were you here?”
“To see you.”
“Why?”
He sighs. “Because being without you just didn’t feel like an option.”
My heart constricts at his words. But something tells me there’s a but in those words.
“And now?” I ask quietly.
He blows out a breath, pushing his hands into his pockets, his eyes making friends with the carpet. “And, now…it still doesn’t feel like an option, but…”
And there it is.
I tighten my arms around my suddenly cold chest. “But?”
He lifts his eyes to mine, and what I see in them makes my heart break.
“I’m leaving, Daisy. Once the thing is sorted with the police, I’m leaving.”
He’s leaving.
“Oh.” I step back, needing the distance, though wanting to be closer to him now more than ever.
He exhales roughly. Freeing his arm, he shoves a hand through his hair. “You’re so close to getting Jesse back, and being with me, it would hinder that. I might be close to getting off with self-defense, but in the eyes of the law, I killed a man. I have killed men. In cold blood. There’s no coming back from that, Daisy.”
“I’ve killed someone, too.”
Fierce black eyes meet with mine. “You need to forget that ever happened.”
“You want me to forget when you won’t allow yourself to forget?”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because I fucking deserve to remember everything. You don’t.”
“Bullshit!” I snap. “This is bullshit! You’re leaving me here, and I’m just supposed to accept that? Fuck you, Kas.”
“Daisy…” He takes a step toward me. “You know I’m right. If I stay here, you won’t get Jesse back. They’ll use me as a reason to keep him from you—”
“No, they won’t. Anne said—”
“Daisy,” he reasons. Taking my face in his hands, he forces my eyes up to his. Tears are filling them. “I don’t want to be—I can’t be the reason you don’t get Jesse back. You’d resent me. End up hating me. I couldn’t bear it if that happened.”
He’s right. I know he’s right. Just the selfish part of me doesn’t want to let him go.
The selfish part of me wants it all.
Wants him and Jesse.
But I know, in the real world, the two things just don’t go together.
Jesse has to come first. He will always come first.
Turning, I step away from Kas.
“Your name is clear,” he says from behind me. “You can do anything. Go anywhere. Make a better life for yourself and Jesse. You don’t need a screwed up fuck like me holding you back.”
I spin around, ready to argue, but he holds a hand up, stopping me.
“And I need time, Daisy.” His eyes hold mine, a thousand emotions running through them. None of them are good. “I need to find out who I am.” His words cut me down. “I’ve spent the last seven years of my life chasing revenge, being obsessed with it…and, now…” He blows out a breath, looking lost. “I need time,” he whispers.
He’s leaving. He’s really leaving.
I want to curl up into a ball on the floor and cry.
But I don’t.
I do what I always do. I hold steady. “Where will you go?” I ask quietly.
“Greece. If you still need the job at the estate, I’m hiring someone to run it—”
I shake my head.
I couldn’t go there every day and see that place. See the bed where he once made love to me…
“If you need money,” he says.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, I know you will be.”
I lift my eyes to him to see a sad smile touching his lips.
And I don’t look away. I keep staring at him, soaking in every detail of him, knowing it’s the last time I’m ever going to see him.
And he stares right back at me.
My heart is beating painfully. I’m slowly dying on the inside.
I have to get away from him. I need to stop feeling this way.
But I’m not ready to leave him yet.
Deep down, I know I’ll never be ready.
“So…” I hear myself saying, breaking our quiet.
Kas doesn’t speak. He just walks over to me. And, when he reaches me, he takes my face in his hands. His eyes roam my features, like he’s drinking me in.
My mouth is dry. There are hot tears behind my eyes, and my throat feels like it’s about to crack.
“Daisy…” he whispers my name. He slowly brings his mouth to mine, only closing his eyes when our lips meet.
He softly kisses me, tasting me, letting his tongue slide along mine.
Tears fill my eyes as I memorize the feel of him against me, the way he kisses me.
Then, he deepens the kiss, clutching me to him. And I match him stroke for stroke.
“I love you,” he breathes against my lips. “That will never change, no matter where I am.”