It wasn’t as expensive as I had expected. Don’t get me wrong; it was a lot of money, but it was affordable for me.
I asked if I could view it. The estate agent told me she had a free spot that day.
So, I got showered and changed, and I headed back to the coffee shop where the agent was waiting outside for me.
The minute she let me inside, I just knew. It was meant to be mine. It was perfect. I loved everything about it.
I asked her why the owner was selling and selling so reasonably. She just said they had to leave the country unexpectedly due to a sick relative, and they wouldn’t be coming back for some time.
As awful as it sounds, their bad fortune became my good fortune.
So, I told the agent I would think about it. But my mind was already made up.
It would cut into the money, but it would give me a good income to help with Jesse’s future. And there would still be a decent chunk to get him started in whatever he decided to do when he left school.
I put an offer in on the coffee shop the next day. Lower than the actual asking price.
It was accepted an hour later.
I couldn’t stop smiling. And I couldn’t help but think that Kas would have been proud of me.
He was the first person I wanted to call. But, of course, I couldn’t because I didn’t know where he was, and I no longer had his phone number.
After he’d left, I’d deleted it, knowing that I would probably break down and call him. And I couldn’t do that.
So, I had no way to contact him.
And then I realized that I also knew absolutely nothing about running a business.
It wasn’t just about making coffee—even though I do make an awesome cup of coffee. This was running a business. It was huge.
And I thought I would probably fuck it up.
I started to panic, thinking I’d made a mistake, before rationality decided to make an appearance.
Look at everything I’d done…overcome. I could run a fucking coffee shop.
I could do it.
So, I got Cece’s laptop out and went searching for business management courses. I found one at my local college. The classes were at night, so it was perfect.
I enrolled and was accepted.
Then, I focused on making the shop mine. I gave the place a lick of paint and put my own stamp on it, and then I renamed the coffee shop to Thessa’s. It felt right to call it that. It was because of Kas that my name was cleared. He was the reason I could afford the place.
And I just wanted something of his, some connection to him, to remind myself that he was real. Because, sometimes, it felt almost unreal. Like Kas had never actually existed. Like he’d never really been mine.
But he had.
I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.
Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.
And I did.
Kind of.
But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.
After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.
Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.
Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.
It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.
She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.
He’s cute.
He’s just kind of…pretentious.
But I think she could do better.
Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.
So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.
But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.
I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.
But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.
I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.
But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.
So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.
My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.
Even though he just left me for university.
I’m not going to cry again.
I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.
My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.
When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.
Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.
But he’s gone.
He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.
I wonder if he’s happy.
I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.
I just wish we could have been happy together.
My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.