Not to mention, the house is a constant pigsty.
I start in the living room and throw away enough beer bottles to fill a thirty gallon trash bag. When I reach the kitchen and witness the mountain of dishes piled in the sink, I actually smile. This should waste at least an hour. I organize the dirty dishes to the left of the sink and begin filling the basin with water. I spin around and walk to the refrigerator while the sink fills up. I grab a soda and pop the top, then take a sip. I close my eyes and sway to the music spilling into my ears from the headphones. I haven't felt so at peace in this house since the first two months I lived here. Back when the good Asa was around.
As soon as memories of the Asa I fell in love with flood my mind, I feel his arms go around me from behind and he begins swaying to the music with me. I smile and keep my eyes closed and wrap my hands in his, then lean back against his chest. He kisses my ear, then laces his fingers with mine and spins me around to face him. When I open my eyes, he's smiling down at me with a genuinely sweet expression. I haven't seen this look in his eyes in so long, it actually makes my heart ache, knowing how much I've missed it.
Maybe he really is trying. Maybe he's tired of this life, too.
He takes my face in his hands and kisses me; a long, passionate kiss that I forgot he was even capable of. Lately, the only time I get kissed is when he's on top of me in our bed. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. I kiss him desperately. I kiss the old Asa, not knowing how long I'll have him here with me like this.
He pulls the headphones out of my ears and breaks his mouth away from mine. "Somebody wants a continuation of this morning, huh?"
I kiss him again and smile, nodding my head. I do. If this is the Asa that I'll get in my bed, I actually do.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and laughs. "Not in front of the company, Sloan," he teases.
Company?
I squeeze my eyes shut, scared to turn around, unaware that we were being observed this entire time.
"There's someone I want you to meet," he says. He spins me around and I open one eye, then the other, hoping the shock I feel in my stomach isn't clearly sprawled across my face. Leaning up against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest and a hard look in his eyes, is all six feet of Carter.
I gasp, mostly because he's the last person I expected to see here. Standing in front of him now is suddenly more intimidating than sitting next to him in class this morning. He's a lot taller than I thought; taller than Asa, even. He's not as defined as Asa, but then again, Asa works out every day and based on the size of his biceps, probably dabbles in steroids. Carter is more naturally built, with a darker complexion and darker hair—and at the moment, very dark, angry eyes.
"Hey," Carter says, easing his expression with a smile, extending his hand to me without a trace of recognition on his face. I realize he's pretending not to know me for my own benefit—or perhaps for his own benefit, so I place my palm in his, introducing myself to him for the second time today.
"Sloan," I say shakily, hoping he can't feel my racing pulse through the palm of my hand. I cut the handshake short and pull back. "So how do you and Asa know each other?" I'm not sure I want to know the answer, but the question spills out of my mouth anyway.
Asa puts his arm around my waist and spins me in the other direction, away from Carter. "He's my new business partner, and right now we've got business to conduct. Go clean somewhere else," he says, patting me on the ass. I spin around and scowl at him, but not nearly as intense as the hatred spilling out of Carter's eyes as he watches Asa.
I normally don't push things with Asa, especially in front of other people, but I can't help my temper right now. I'm furious at his cavalier attitude about bringing in someone else, despite the fact that he promised me he was getting out. I also can't deny the fact that I'm pissed that it's Carter. I'm angry at myself for developing a false first impression of him in class today. I thought I was better at reading people, but the fact that he's involved with Asa shows me that I don't know a damn thing about reading people. He's just like the rest of them--but I should expect it by now. As hard as I try--as hard as it was leaving my childhood home in order to get away from this same type of lifestyle, only to end up right back in it—it makes me feel ignorant. How can I crave and work toward a normal life so incredibly bad, yet I keep falling right back in the middle of this shit? It's a damn curse.
"Asa," I say, pleadingly. "You promised." I toss my hand in Carter's direction. "Hiring new people isn't getting out...it's getting in deeper."
I feel hypocritical asking him to stop doing what he does. Every month I let him send a check for Stephen's care with the same dirty money I wish he wasn't making. But it's easier for me to allow that, since it's not for me. I'd take the dirtiest money there is if it meant my little brother would be taken care of.