I looked around at the blood and smelled the acrid scent of spent gunpowder that lingered in the air. I flexed my bruised hands and shifted on my feet.
“I do.” And that was why I had to get the hell out of Dodge, before I did something stupid like fall in love with a girl that didn’t have any idea what I was really like.
CHAPTER 18
Quaid
Orsen was staring at me from across his desk with an expression on his face that I had never been on the receiving end of. He looked frustrated and disappointed, but more than that he looked resigned. He had his hands resting on the slight roundness of his belly and his mouth was drawn in a line so tight it made the rest of his face look like it was stretched too tautly across his bones.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Quaid?”
I lifted an eyebrow as he bit out the words and settled back in my chair. I felt a lot like a kid getting pulled into the principal’s office. Where I would normally be doing everything in my power to placate Orsen and fix the situation, now that I had a better understanding of what was really important to me and what I really wanted to fight for, it was all I could do not to roll my eyes at him and his exaggerated bluster.
“Nothing.” I leaned back in the chair and crossed my ankle over my knee. I wanted him to know I wasn’t intimidated by this little meeting and that I was done letting him yank on my chain. “I have nothing to say for myself, Orsen. I told you I wasn’t going to represent your friend, so even if I had been in my office when you brought him back by this afternoon, my answer would have been the same.”
Orsen’s bushy eyebrows rose until they almost disappeared into his snowy hairline. “Have you forgotten that you work for this firm? The firm you have been chomping at the bit to be made partner in, I might add.”
“I haven’t forgotten because it’s this firm that has dangled that partnership in front of me like a golden carrot for years, while I jump through every single hoop you’ve put in front of me. Answer me honestly, Orsen, are you and Duvall ever planning on offering me a full partnership?”
He huffed a little and I watched as red filled his puffy cheeks. It was no wonder Orsen had me handling all the trials for the big-name clients; he had no poker face and was as easy to read as an open book.
“You have to prove yourself in order to be made partner, Quaid.” His tone was firm but his hands were fidgety, telling me all I needed to know. They were going to work me like a dog, put my face and my talent out there in front of the entire legal world with their title behind it, but they were never going to let me be one of the shot callers. They were never going to consider me their equal.
“I’ve proved myself, Orsen. In fact, I’ve more than demonstrated what an asset I am to this firm and to the legal community in general. I’ve earned the right to pick and choose the cases and the people I want to represent, and if you don’t agree with that, then I think it’s time we go our separate ways.”
I watched the older man balk and some of the arrogance that surrounded him waffled. “You won’t quit. You’ve got too much time and energy invested in your career here.”
He sounded so sure and he was almost right. Before Avett, the thought of quitting would have never crossed my mind, but after you survived a hurricane your perspective on the things that mattered most in life changed and I no longer needed or wanted to impress Orsen McNair. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to work for him any more either.
“That’s the thing, Orsen. It was time and energy invested in the wrong thing. If I hadn’t been so focused on you finally seeing me as an asset, maybe I would have noticed my marriage falling apart sooner. If I hadn’t been convinced that being made partner would finally make me happy and give me the kind of self-worth I was sorely lacking, maybe I would have realized the people I was fighting for, the people I was giving my all to, were the kind of people that absolutely didn’t deserve the best of me and would never, ever appreciate what I gave. I’ve been searching for the good life for as long as I can remember, Orsen. This sure as shit isn’t it.”
Orsen held his hands up in front of him and his face went from accusatory to cajoling. “Now, son, don’t make any rash decisions. Where else do you think you’re going to get the kind of opportunities and money you’ve had access to here? We have a wait list a mile long of young attorneys right out of law school that are dying to be let in the door. You’re lucky we offered you a position at all considering your less than stellar credentials. I handpicked you because I saw the fire and the drive in you, Quaid. Don’t forget that.”
I snorted at him. “I’m a good lawyer. Fuck that, I’m a great lawyer, and I’m the one that has handled every ugly, sticky, complicated, tangled case this firm has profited from since I signed on. You really think anyone wants you or Duvall representing them in front of a jury when you haven’t left your goddamn office in all that time? I go and the media and the high profile cases are going to go with me. So don’t pretend I don’t know who is doing who the favors here. Day in and day out, I persuade people to go against their better judgment. I lie for a living, old man, so here’s a word to the wise … you’re out of practice when it comes to bluffing your audience so don’t try and outmaneuver me—it won’t work.”
Orsen dropped all pretense of this being some kind of friendly office chat and leaned forward so that his hands were resting on the desk in front of him. The red in his face turned a furious maroon and his words sounded like each one was being bitten off and spit out in my direction.