Honey, it was spur-of-the-moment. We were in Vegas.
Neither of us wanted a big wedding. Please dont be mad.
Rachel begins crying into her hands. I wrap my arm around
her and want to console her. I want to kiss her reassuringly, but
my father and Lisa wouldnt understand it.
I need to tell them.
My dad looks confused that Rachel is so upset. I didnt think
either of you would mind, he says. Youre both leaving for
college in a couple of months.
He thinks were mad at them.
Dad? I say, keeping my arm around Rachel. Lisa?
I look at both of them.
I ruin their day.
Ruin.
Rachel is pregnant.
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
DEAFENING SILENCE.
Lisa is in shock.
My father is comforting Lisa. His arm is around her, and hes
rubbing her back.
You dont even have a boyfriend, Lisa says to Rachel.
Rachel looks at me.
My father stands. Hes angry now. Whos responsible? he
yells. He looks at me. Tell me who he is, Miles. What kind of
guy knocks a girl up and doesnt have the balls to be with her
when she tells her own mother? What kind of guy would let a
girls brother be the one to break the news?
Im not her brother, I say to my father.
Im not.
He ignores my comment. Hes pacing the kitchen now. He
hates the person who did this to Rachel.
Dad, I say. I stand up.
He stops pacing. He turns and looks at me.
Dad …
Im suddenly not as confident as I was when I sat down to do
this.
Ive got this.
Dad, it was me. Im the one who got her pregnant.
My words are hard for him to swallow.
Lisa is looking back and forth between Rachel and me. She
cant swallow what Im saying, either.
Thats not possible, my father says, trying to push away all
the thoughts that are telling him it is possible.
I wait for it to process.
His expression changes from confusion to anger. He looks at
me like Im not even his son. Hes looking at me like Im the
guy who knocked up his new stepdaughter.
He hates me.
He hates me.
He really hates me.
Get out of this house.
I look at Rachel. She grabs my hand and shakes her head,
silently pleading for me not to leave.
Get out, he says again.
He hates me.
I tell Rachel I should go. Just for a little while.
She begs me not to go. My father walks around the table and
shoves me. He pushes me toward the door. I release Rachels
hand.
Ill be at Ians, I tell her. I love you.
Those words are obviously too much for my father, because his
fist immediately comes at me. He pulls his hand back and looks
almost as shocked as I do that he just punched me.
I step outside, and my father slams the door.
My father hates me.
I walk to my car and open the door. I sit in the drivers seat,
but I dont crank the engine. I look in the mirror. My lip is
bleeding.
I hate my father.
I get out of my car and slam the door. I walk back into the
house. My father rushes to the door.
I hold my palms up. I dont want to hit him, but I will. If he
touches me again, Ill hit him.
Rachel isnt at the table anymore.
Rachel is in her room.
Im sorry, I say to both of them. We didnt mean for it to
happen, but it happened, and now we have to deal with it.
Lisa is crying. My father hugs her. I look at Lisa.
I love her, I say. Im in love with your daughter. Ill take care
of them.
Weve got this.
Lisa cant even look at me.
They both hate me.
This started before I even met you, Lisa. I met her before I
knew you were with my father, and we tried to stop it.
Thats kind of a lie.
My father steps forward. The entire time? This has been
going on the entire time shes lived here?
I shake my head. Its been going on since before she lived
here.
He hates me even more now. He wants to hit me again, but
Lisa is pulling him back. She tells him theyll figure it out. She
tells him she can get it taken care of. She tells him itll be
okay.
Its too late for that, I tell Lisa. Shes too far along.
I dont wait for my father to hit me again. I rush down the
hallway and go to Rachel. I lock the door behind me.
She meets me halfway. She throws her arms around my neck
and cries into my shirt.
Well, I say. The hard part is over with.
She laughs with her cry. She tells me the hard part isnt over
yet. She tells me the hard part is getting him out.
I laugh.
I love you so much, Rachel.
I love you so much, Miles, she whispers.
Chapter twenty-three
TATE
I miss you so much, Miles.
Thoughts like that are why Im drowning my sorrows in chocolate. Its been three weeks since he brought me home. Its been three weeks since Ive laid eyes on him. Christmas came and went, but I barely noticed because I worked through it. Two Thursday game nights that Miles didnt show up to. New Years came and went. Another semester of school began.
And Tate still misses Miles.
I take my chocolate chips and my chocolate milk and walk to the kitchen to hide them from the person knocking at the apartment door.
I already know its not Miles, because the knock at my door belongs to Chad and Tarryn. Theyre the only friends Ive made here, as busy as I am, and theyre only my friends because were in study group together.
Which is why theyre knocking on my door right now.