Miles laughs a little. You like him, huh? He seems amused.
I nod. Yeah. I like him a lot. Sometimes I like him more than I like you.
He laughs loudly this time and leans in again, planting a kiss on my cheek. His hand conforms to the nape of my neck, and his eyes drop to my mouth. I like that you like him, he says, bringing his eyes up to mine. I wont be rude to him again. Promise.
I bite my lip so that he doesnt see how much I want to smile at the fact that he just made me a promise. It was a simple promise. But it still feels good.
He slides his hand around to my jaw, and his thumb meets my lip. He pulls it away from my teeth. What did I tell you about hiding that smile? He takes my bottom lip between his teeth and bites it gently, then releases it.
It feels as if the temperature in the pool just shot up twenty degrees.
His mouth meets my throat, and he breathes out a heavy sigh against my skin. I tilt my head back and let it rest against the ledge of the pool as he kisses his way down my neck.
I dont want to swim any more, he says, sliding his lips from the base of my throat all the way up to my mouth again.
Well, then, what do you want to do? I whisper weakly.
You, he says without hesitation. In my shower. From behind.
I swallow a huge gulp of air and feel it fall all the way to the pit of my stomach. Wow. Thats very specific.
And also in my bed, he whispers. With you on top, still soaking wet from the shower.
I inhale sharply, and we can both hear the tremble of my breath as I exhale. Okay, I try to say, but his mouth is on mine before the word is even all the way out.
And once again, what should have been an eye-opening conversation for me is shoved aside to make room for the only thing hes willing to give me.
Chapter thirty
MILES
Six years earlier
We quietly walk to an empty waiting area. My father sits first,
and I reluctantly sit across from him.
I wait for his confession, but he doesnt know I dont need it. I
know about his relationship with Lisa.
I know how long its been going on.
Your mother and I … Hes looking at the floor.
He cant even make eye contact with me.
We decided to separate when you were sixteen. However,
with as much as I traveled, it made financial sense for us to wait
until you graduated before filing for divorce, so thats what we
decided to do.
Sixteen?
She got sick when I was sixteen.
We had been split up for almost a year when I met Lisa.
Hes looking at me now. Hes being honest.
When she found out she was sick, it was the right thing to do,
Miles. She was your mother, and I wasnt going to leave her
when she needed me the most.
My chest hurts.
I know youve put two and two together, he says. I know
youve done the math. I know youve been hating me, thinking
I was having an affair while she was sick, and I hated allowing
you to think that.
Then why did you? I ask him. Why did you let me think
that?
He looks at the floor again. I dont know, he says. I thought
maybe there was a chance that you didnt realize Id been
dating Lisa for longer than I let on, so I thought bringing it
up would do more harm than good. I didnt like the thought
of you knowing my marriage with your mother had failed. I
didnt want you to think she died unhappy.
She didnt, I reassure him. You were there for her, Dad. We
both were.
He appreciates that I say this, because he knows its true.
My mother was happy with her life.
Happy with me.
It makes me wonder if shed be disappointed now, seeing how
things have turned out.
She would be proud of you, Miles, he says to me. With how
youve handled yourself.
I hug him.
I needed to hear that more than I knew.
Chapter thirty-one
TATE
Im trying to listen to Corbin go on about his conversation with Mom, but all I can think about is the fact that Miles is due home any minute now. Its been ten days since hes been home, and thats the longest weve gone without seeing each other since the weeks we spent not speaking.
Have you told Miles yet? Corbin asks.
Told him what?
Corbin faces me. That youre moving out. He points at the potholder on the counter next to me.
I toss him the potholder and shake my head. I havent talked to him since last week. Ill probably tell him tonight.
Honestly, Ive wanted to tell him I found my own apartment all week, but that would involve either calling or texting him, two things we dont do. The only times we text each other are when were both home. I think we do this because it helps us maintain our boundaries.
Its not like the move is a big deal anyway. Im only moving a few blocks away. I found an apartment thats closer to both work and school. Its definitely no downtown high-rise, but I love it.
I do wonder, though, how it will affect things between Miles and me. I think thats one of the reasons I havent mentioned that I was even looking for my own place. Theres a fear in the back of my mind that not being right across the hall from him will become too inconvenient, and hell just call off whatever is going on between us.
Corbin and I both look up as soon as the apartment door opens and theres a quick knock on it. I glance at Corbin, and he rolls his eyes.
Hes still adapting.
Miles walks into the kitchen, and I see the smile that wants to spread across his face when he sees me, but he keeps it in check when he sees Corbin.
What are you cooking? Miles asks him. He leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest, but his eyes are scrolling up my legs. They pause when he sees Im wearing a skirt, and then he smiles in my direction. Luckily, Corbin is still facing the stove.