Unlike me.
The school bell buzzes and it’s only now I realize the crowd around us. I’ve been too busy restoring the boys’ dignity to notice. And honestly, fuck if I care. I note the bystanders’ eyes flicker over my shoulder, and I have a feeling the dipshit authority is near. I don’t even have to check because I know the look he’ll have on his face already. It’s embedded in my memory from too many trips myself. I guess pissing off principals is one thing I’ll never stop doing whether I’m thirteen or thirty.
It’s time to make sure the crowd understands where I stand in regards to the boys. I ratchet my smile up a notch and wink at the bullies. “Bye, boys! Make sure you say ‘hi’ to my man Aiden here when you see him in class!”
They just continue to stare at me as The Suit uses his hands to physically guide them toward the front doors of the school. He then turns back to Aiden, Ricky, and Scooter. “Boys, you too,” he says in a monotone that makes me think of the teacher in Ferris Bueller.
I glance over at Rylee for the first time during this whole display, and I can see her fighting back a smirk. She just subtly nods her head at me when I ask her with my eyes if this is the prick taking sides. It takes everything I have to keep my temper reined in this time because the boys are still attached to my sides. Fucking judgmental asshole.
My smile is so fake it kills me. “One moment please, sir. I just need to say bye to my boys.” I go to face the boys but I can’t. I have to say something right here, right now. For the little boy in me always doubted and deemed at fault, for the hundreds of others like me, and for the boys beside me living it in the present.
I hang my head for a moment to make sure that my composure is nothing less than respectful. And that in itself is a fucking feat. “Next time, sir, it’d be best to remember that Aiden is telling the truth. It’s the bullies that need to be sent home, not good kids like Aiden here. He may not be perfect, but just because he doesn’t come from a traditional home, doesn’t mean that he’s at fault.” I stare at him, holding those flustered eyes of his as he listens—not just hears but listens—to the words I’ve said. When I see them register, I do the only disrespectful thing that I can and turn my back on him, dismissing him without further comment.
My smile changes from tight to genuine when I look at the three pairs of eyes looking up at me. It’s one thing to stick up for them with bullies that are the same age, it’s another thing when it’s done to an adult. I understand that more than anyone.
“I don’t think they’ll be bugging you anymore, Aiden.” I reach out and when I see his eyes accept my intention, ruffle his hair. “In fact, I don’t think anyone will be bugging you guys anymore. If so, you let me know, okay?” All three boys nod like bobble-head dolls, their minds and egos trying to comprehend what’s just happened.
“Time to get to class,” Ry tells them as she steps up beside me to watch them walk toward the doors, heads held high and pride in their posture. They reach the door, looking the principal in the eye and that alone fills me with a sense of right. Ricky and Scooter disappear through the door, but Aiden stops.
I immediately worry that he fears entering the school—years of belittling not fixable with one appearance by a guy like me—but when he looks up, his eyes meet mine and I see awe, clear as day. “Thanks, Colton.” I can’t help the feeling that twists within me. Two simple words but the way he says them implies so much more.
Rylee glances over at me as we walk back to the car. Pride is brimming in her eyes, and I swear to God something shifts and twists inside of me. A fucking foreign feeling. But fuck if I don’t want her to look at me like that again.
I get the boys understanding why I did what I did. But Rylee? She’s got to be assuming things that I’d rather remain hidden. She’s got to wonder what exactly it is that burns so deep within me that I still fear it every minute of every day. Even twenty-two years later.
Too bad she wasn’t around to save me way back then.
The question is, can she save me now?
“Why did you agree to come here if you don’t like coffee?” That in itself says volumes to me.
She denied me at the track even though her body said otherwise. I got a ration of shit from the guys for her being there too. They’re not used to a woman walking away when I ask her to stay. They thought it was the funniest fucking thing on the face of the earth, Rylee denying me.
And her reason for having to get the boys was a bullshit excuse. That much I know.
So she must be scared. Fuck, I’d be scared too after the shit I’ve pulled with her. Back and forth like a goddamn tennis match because my head’s so fucked-up that I want her but know I can’t give her what she needs.
The fucking problem is my wants are changing and I’m not sure just yet how to deal with that. Because I don’t want them to change. So I let her in more than anyone I ever have and then lash out because I can’t deal with the shit her being around churns up. The vulnerability of my past being exposed, my demons reawakened.
And yet she still called me when she needed help. Fuck if that call didn’t surprise me, but blowing off the Penzoil rep was worth it to be standing beside her right now.
Trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing because fuck if I know.
I study her profile, a soft smirk on her face as she contemplates my question while staring at the muffins in the glass case in front of us. She’s pretending to decide what to order, but I can tell she’s figuring out how to answer me. With honesty because despite the smiles on our faces there is still an underlying tension of unanswered questions between us, or with humor to try and add some levity.