I stare at her for a moment and then turn back to the case, needing a minute to digest what the one person that knows me better than anyone else has just said. “I’ll think about it,” is all I can manage. “Am I missing something here? Why are you pushing this so hard when you are the queen of moving on to the next guy when there is the smallest transgression let alone the guy screwing someone else? I just don’t get it.”
“Because he makes you happy. He challenges you. Pushes you outside your comfort zone. Makes you feel again—both good and bad—but at least you’re feeling. How can I not when in the short time you’ve been together, you’ve come back to life again?” She throws a box of cereal in the cart I’m pushing. “I know I’m supposed to side whole-heartedly with you because you’re my best friend, but I’m holding out hope.”
I try and let her words sink in. “You didn’t see what I saw, Haddie. And let’s face it, words mean nothing. One minute he says nothing happened and then the next that it was just a kiss, but you know what? Something did happen, and I’m not just talking about between him and Tawny. I told him I loved him—and the something that happened was him running away and turning to another woman.” My voice cracks on my last words, my resolve weakening. “I understand that he might have issues because of his past—I get that. Running away for a while to figure your head out is one thing, but running to another woman? That’s unacceptable.”
“I’ve never known you to be so hard on someone. To not give him the benefit of the doubt. From what you said, he seems to be as miserable as you are.”
“We’re done here,” I tell her, and I mean more than just the shopping. I don’t want to listen to her sympathize with Colton any more. I roll my eyes on a sigh as Haddie steps in front of the cart to block me.
“A man like Colton isn’t going to wait around forever,” she warns. “You need to figure out what you want or else you’re going run the risk of losing him. Sometimes when you love someone, you have to do and say things you never thought you ever would—like forgiving. It sucks donkeys, but that’s just the way it is.” She steps to the side of the cart, her eyes steadfast on mine. “There’s a fine line between being stubborn and being stupid, Rylee,”
“Hmpf,” is all I manage to say in response, pushing the cart past her, but her words hit their target. I blow out a long breath as I fight back the tears threatening and the images that flood my memory. I struggle to figure out where exactly that line is. At what point do I actually open myself up and listen to Colton’s explanations with the possibility of believing him? And at what part of that process do I become stupid for either forgiving or not forgiving him. Am I willing to let the man I love walk away on principal alone?
It’s a no win situation, and I’m so sick of thinking about it and dwelling over it. Seeing as how I will be spending time with him and his team in St. Petersburg starting Thursday, I think I’ll have more than ample time to dwell some more on it then. Right now, I just want to buy Shane his birthday present and go enjoy his party without the complication of Colton’s presence.
Fuck! I groan internally. I’m being a coward and I know it. I’m just so afraid to forgive and get hurt again. To get sucked up in the tornado that is Colton and be hurled back into emotional suicide. I laid myself out bare and he chewed me up and spit me out just like Tawny said he would. But what if Haddie’s right? What if I’m fucking this up? What if he didn’t do it?
And it’s in the middle of my self-deprecation that I look up and my eyes catch the latest issue of People. And there he is—the current cause of my misery and schizophrenic emotional state—gracing the cover of the magazine. A candid shot of him and Cassandra Miller together at a party.
The pang hits me in a flash and I do my best to recover quickly. Unfortunately I’ve been getting good at it over the past few days.
“As miserable as I am?” I question Haddie, sarcasm rich in my voice. I try to tear my eyes away but they won’t budge. They scrape over every detail of the picture. “Yeah he looks like he’s really suffering.”
Haddie sighs in exasperation. “Ry, it was a charity auction. One that you were supposed to attend as his date if I recall, and I read online that he showed up alone.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. It’s bad enough to think of him with Tawny, but now I have to push the image of Cassie out of my head too. “Arriving alone and leaving alone are two completely different things,” I respond wryly, forcing my eyes from the cover.
“Ry—”
“Just drop it, Haddie,” I say, knowing I’m being irrational but so beyond caring any more.
Haddie and I chat about everything but Colton as we leave the store, our earlier conversation tucked away for me to ponder later and a new set of noise canceling head phones and an iTunes gift card for Shane under my arm. Haddie and I are a few feet from my car when I hear, “Excuse me, Miss?”
I glance at Haddie before turning to the voice at my back, suddenly grateful that Haddie asked to accompany me on my errand. There is nothing more unnerving to a female than a random man approaching you in a parking lot when you’re alone. “Can I help you?” I ask the gentleman as he nears me. He’s of average height with a baseball cap covering his longish brown hair and eyes masked behind a pair of blacked out sunglasses. He looks completely normal, but he still makes me uncomfortable. Something about him seems familiar, but I know I’ve never met him before.