I inhale deeply; glad to be saved because I don’t think I’d made my mind up on what to do just yet. My heart tells me I want to listen to him, understand what happened, and figure out where to go from here. But my head, my head tells me, “Quack.”
“Presents!” I repeat as I walk out of the kitchen and brush past Colton without acknowledging his comment.
Shane’s excitement is more than contagious to the rest of us bystanders as he opens his gifts. His eyes are full of excitement, and his smile reflects a teenager who feels loved. I stand on the fringe of the crowd, watching the action and reflecting a bit on what a good job we’re doing here with these boys. It’s odd how sometimes it just hits you, and right now is one of those moments. I lean against the beam of the patio cover as Shane lifts his last present up and shakes it as the little ones yell out what they think it might be.
It’s a flat rectangular box that I hadn’t seen on the table before, and I take a step closer to see what it is, my curiosity getting the better of me. Shane rips the paper off and when he opens the box, a card slides out. He turns the card over in his hand, and when he sees nothing on the envelope, he shrugs and tears it open. I watch his eyes widen and his lips fall open as he reads the words inside. His head snaps up and he searches the partygoers to meet Colton’s eyes. “Seriously?” he asks, incredulity in his voice.
I’m curious as to what’s written in the card and my sight focuses on Colton’s as a shy smile spreads across his lips, and he shakes his head, “Seriously, Shane.”
“You’re shittin’ me?”
“Shane!” Dane snaps out at him in warning, and Shane’s cheeks turn red as he blushes at the reprimand.
Colton laughs out loud. “No, I’m not. Keep your grades up and I will. I promise.”
Still mystified as to what the two of them are talking about, I ease out of the shadows and walk up to Shane. He holds the card out for me to see. The card is a typical birthday card, but it’s the penmanship inside that makes my heart flop.
Happy Birthday, Shane! What I remember the most about turning 16 is wanting desperately to learn how to drive…so this card entitles you to driving lessons—from me. (I get to pick the car though…and the Aston is off limits). Have a good one bud. –Colton
I look down at Shane who still seems like he can’t believe that a famous race car driver has offered up to be his behind-the-wheel instructor. And I see in his eyes the self-worth that Colton has given him in this one offering and bite back the tears that burn my throat. He doesn’t offer him something of material value that he can buy easily, but rather gives Shane something much more valuable—time. Someone to look up to. Someone to spend time with. Colton understands these boys so well and what they need at what times, and yet he can’t comprehend what I need and how I feel about what I walked in to.
Shane gets up and walks over to Colton and shakes his hand to thank him before passing the card to everyone to show them what it says. I look away from observing Shane to see Colton silently watching me. I just shake my head softly at him trying to convey my appreciation for his well thought out gift. He holds my gaze as he slowly walks over to me. I bite my bottom lip in hesitation. My body is filled with a civil war of emotions, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Colton places his hand on my lower back, the contact sending my nerves dancing even more than they already are. His signature scent envelops me, and I reflexively part my lips, craving the taste of him that I’ve missed so much.
He leans in to me and asks for the second time tonight, “Can we speak for a moment?” His rasp fills my ears and the warmth of his breath feathers over my cheek.
I step back from him, needing distance to keep a clear head. “Um…I don’t think it’s a good idea…The House isn’t the best place to…” I fumble with the words.
“Don’t care. This won’t take long,” is his only response as he steers me the fringe of activity on the patio. The short reprieve gives my mind time to think. To rationalize. To decide. “I’m talking, you’re listening. Understood?”
I turn to face him and look up at the lines of his magnificent face partially hidden by the shadows of the night. My angel struggling between the dark and the light. I take a fortifying breath before I open my mouth to speak, options and indecision swirling around with mixed emotions. “Colton…” I begin before he can speak and when I see the annoyance flash across his face, I decide to change tactics. Try to protect my heart from further devastation even though it’s crying in protest over what I’m about to do. “There’s nothing to explain.” I shrug; swallowing down the lump clogging my throat so the lies can prevail. “You made it clear from the beginning what was between us. I mistook our physical chemistry for love.” Colton’s eyes narrow and his mouth falls lax at my words. “Typical female mistake. Great sex doesn’t mean love. Sorry about that. I know how much you hate drama, but I realize that you’re right. This would’ve never worked.” I grit my teeth, knowing this is for the best as I watch the confusion flicker across his face. “It’s not like we were exclusive. What you did with Tawny is your business. I may not like it, but that’s the breaks right?”
If I write him off, it might make having to work together less awkward for the both of us despite knowing deep down that having to be beside him when my heart still desires him—hell, when every cell in my body wants him in one way or another—will be brutal.