Wishing everyone would stop second-guessing my choices, and a little irritated that Anna had called my future career a “thing,” I shook my head. “No. This is the path I’m supposed to be on. I can feel it. The D-Bags were a stepping-stone, but I don’t need them anymore.” Saying that made me feel like I had a frog in my throat, and I had to swallow three times to remove it. It was true though. I’d given them their chance. They’d blown it.
Anna took a step toward me; her eyes were glistening. “You told me once that ever since you were little you wanted to be a rock star. You made it. You’re there. Why would you want to throw away your childhood dream?”
Running a hand down my face, exhaustion seeping through every pore, I let out a long sigh. “I said I wanted to be the star of a rock band, not band member number four that nobody knows or cares about.” I lifted my hands as I pointed out what should have been obvious to her. “All they care about is Kellan, but the guys won’t let me do anything to change that. They never let me do anything. They hold me back. All I wanted was one fucking song—one! And the fuckers wouldn’t even give me that. I can’t go anywhere with them. I’m stuck.” Despair started to creep in as I thought of the boxy cage they’d thrown around me. Truth be told, I’d stay with them…if I thought it would get me anywhere. But it never would, and Anna needed to accept that. If she felt so strongly about me remaining a D-Bag, then she should be having this conversation with them.
Anna put her hands on my chest, imploring me to listen. “Okay, you’re right, but quitting isn’t the answer. Talk to them. Please.” I could hear the utter desperation in her voice, and it freaked me the fuck out. I’d never heard anything like it from her before. Anna didn’t beg, not like this. But goddammit! This was my only chance to break free. If I didn’t take this opportunity, I’d never get another one. I firmly believed that.
“I have, Anna, several times. It doesn’t make a difference, and it never will. This is the only way.” Please accept that. Please stand by my side again. I’m not sure I can get through this without your support.
Her lips compressed in a familiar expression of frustration. “We’re supposed to be a team. Why are you suddenly making deals behind my back and deciding everything that happens to this family? Don’t I have a say? Don’t I have a vote? I mean, can’t we at least negotiate about this?” Even though she looked exasperated, her eyes were full of pleading, full of hope that I’d let her earn a chance to win the argument. I couldn’t afford to though. Not this time. I was going to have to be a chauvinistic jerk to help her past her unfounded fears, but she’d thank me before this was all said and done. We were going to come out of this even stronger. I knew it.
Knowing I was being a bossy asshole, I shook my head and firmly stated, “We’re leaving Seattle, Anna. This is happening. End of discussion.” She opened her mouth, but I turned away to go find my daughters. Hopefully they would be excited for me, since nobody else was.
Like Kellan had predicted, a shitstorm sprang to life after I very publicly dropped out of the band. I think every branch of the media called me; it was kind of awesome. I was finally getting a chance to speak, and I told them all the same thing: I’d hit a wall with the D-Bags, and I was branching out to try something new, something where I could be the star.
Some assholes asked me if my rash decision was due to jealousy. I told those guys to suck it. I wasn’t jealous, I was tired. Tired of being chained and restrained. It was time for the Hulk to be free.
“So we’re going to move to Daddy’s hometown. That cool with you?” I was explaining to Gibson that we’d be getting on a plane tomorrow and might not ever be coming back. I wasn’t sure how she’d take it.
She tilted her head of blond curls and gave me a look of complete and total trust. I stuck my thumb out in an A-okay gesture and with a big grin, she copied me. “Okay, Daddy.” At least someone had my back.
I patted her head, then gave her a kiss and stood up. Anna was holding Onnika while she watched Gibson and me. “We all packed and ready to go?” I asked her. A car was coming in the morning for us and some of our stuff. We’d send for the rest of our crap once we found a permanent place down south.
Anna nodded in answer, but she didn’t look happy about doing it. She wasn’t one to stress about things, so her reaction to my announcement was wiggin’ me out. Once she got over the fact that I’d sort of lied to her…and basically forced her to go along with my plan…I thought she’d be 100 percent on board. Especially after I explained how kick-ass our life was going to be when the show got huge. She didn’t seem moved by our upcoming awesomeness though. She seemed moody, pissy, and full of doubts, more like her sister than herself. Motherhood had sucked some of the carefreeness out of her.
I cupped her arms, just above her elbows. “We’re gonna be fine. Better than fine, even. You don’t need to worry about anything…except making sure we all get up on time to make the flight, because you know I’m unreliable as shit when it comes to stuff like that.”
“Shit.” Gibson giggled.
Anna sighed as she glanced at our little mockingbird. When her eyes returned to mine, they were a little lackluster, like she was just going through the motions. She’d looked like that ever since I’d told her we were leaving. “Don’t worry…I know my job. Just don’t be out late, otherwise nothing I do will wake you up.”