I felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of the room. I didn’t know how to explain myself, didn’t know how to tell her how freaked out I’d been, how goddamn miserable it had made me to keep her in the dark, how alone I’ve felt trying to fix something that wasn’t fixable. But breaking her heart…losing her faith and support…Lying had been a way to avoid doing that, and like the lazy, self-absorbed asshole I was, I’d taken the easy option. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. The show got cancelled and I panicked…I didn’t want to let you down.” Please understand, I silently begged. You’re always so understanding. That’s why we work.
All the color drained from her cheeks but flared in her eyes. “Jesus…how long have you been lying to me? How long have I been in the dark?”
My heart was pounding. I was such a fucking idiot. Maybe at the beginning I could have convinced her, but there was no way she’d understand and support me now. None. The sham was over. “The show was cancelled…right after the VMAs.”
Her eyes widened in shock again, and she opened and closed her mouth, but no words came out. With glistening eyes, she looked around the silent room, then she turned and stormed off to the bedroom. I followed as quickly in her wake as I dared. When she got to our room, she slammed the door. It felt like the wind from the motion slapped my face. “Anna?” I knocked again when she didn’t answer. “Anna? You’re gonna have to talk to me sometime. It might as well be now.” Please don’t shut me out.
The door flew open so fast I again felt the breeze. “Talk to you? Why should I talk to you? You don’t have the decency to talk to me. Or even tell me the truth! You make all these plans behind my back, then you fill me in on them when it’s too late to change them!” She slugged me in the arm. “You lied to me for months? And you lost everything we had! What the hell were you thinking?”
I tried to step into the room and close the door so I could put at least a small buffer between us and everyone listening, but with Anna not letting me inside, it was difficult. I finally managed to step in and edge the door shut behind me though. “I’ll fix this, Anna. I swear.” How, I had no fucking clue.
Anna echoed my thoughts. “How the fuck are you going to fix this, Griffin? We have nothing, and we’re fifty thousand dollars in debt with no possibility of paying it back with income from your sure-to-be-a-hit show. I should have known it was crap the second you told me they weren’t paying you until it aired. God, I am such an idiot.”
She obsessively started smoothing back her hair while she paced, like she was frantically trying to calm down. I could tell from her expression that it wasn’t working though. Her eyes were watery with pain, but her cheeks were red with anger. All the torment I’d been trying to keep away from her was hitting her all at once. Watching the struggle was choking me up, but anticipating the outcome was making me sick.
“No, you’re not,” I said in a hoarse whisper. I am. Defeat settled around me like a toxic cloud, choking every last remnant of hope I had. “It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. The album was supposed to fix everything. It was supposed to be amazing…”
“Well, it’s an amazing piece of shit.” I snapped my eyes to hers and she shrugged. “I can’t sugarcoat this one, Griffin. It’s not well-produced, it’s not well-written, it’s not well-anything. It’s terrible, and you’re going to be a laughingstock when it releases.”
I was so shocked by her brutal honesty, I didn’t know what to say. What I did say was probably something I should have said months ago. “Okay…so what do you suggest I do now?”
Anna crossed her arms over her chest. “You call the guys and beg for your job back.”
Bitter heat temporarily blanketed the mountain of guilt that had been suffocating me. Lifting my chin, I firmly stated, “No.” Begging was not an option.
Anna narrowed her eyes as she nodded. “Of course that’s your answer,” she sneered, her voice shaky with rage and pain. “You and your goddamn pride.”
Stopping right in front of me, she stared me down. There were flecks of gold in her green eyes, and they flared at me as brightly as the sun. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the people, the city, the I’m better than you attitude. I’m even sick of the weather, and I’m not even sure how that’s possible.” She lifted her hands in frustration, then dropped them with a long exhale. “And it’s weird, because L.A. never bothered me before. Honestly, I think the real reason I hate it here is because it’s not where we’re supposed to be. We should be home…in Seattle.”
Like all of her strength was gone, Anna collapsed onto the bed. “Do you know why leaving Seattle was so hard for me?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t sure I knew anything at this point. “Your sister?”
With a wistful sigh, Anna nodded. “In part. But it was so much more than that. For the first time ever, I finally loved every aspect of my life. I was completely happy with where I was and with who I was, and I didn’t crave more. I was just…content. And then you ripped me away from everything I’d grown to love, and I felt like I would never get that feeling of being completely satisfied back. But I tried to be a loving, supportive wife anyway, because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do…but what thanks did I get for my loyalty?” She shot up off the bed and thrust her finger into my chest. “You lied to me! Over and over! Just so you could keep doing what you wanted. Well, I can’t do this anymore, and I don’t want to be here anymore. This isn’t home to me. Seattle is home. The D-Bags are home.” She said their name slowly and deliberately, like she wanted that to sink in.