There’s an accusation in his voice—soft but there all the same.
“I do, Ethan. You’ve been so good to me.”
His grip flexes on my hips. “Then why did you do it? Why did you take the money?”
Surprise freezes me to the spot. He stares down at me, no longer soft but completely hard, stark devastation and cold anger in his eyes.
Chapter Forty-Five
Fiona
Ethan has never looked at me in anger. It’s a horrible thing to see it now. “I can explain,” I say.
He scoffs. “Just the words a guy wants to hear after he’s been metaphorically kicked in the teeth by his woman.”
My breath pushes out in an anxious rush. “I’m not going to London.”
Not the best opener. Based on the sidelong look he gives me, Ethan clearly thinks so too.
“Okay. And that has to do with taking Bloom’s fuck-money how?”
Wincing, I try to touch his chest, but he backs away, shoving his hands deep in his pockets as he goes. The fact that he no longer wants to touch me, that he’s putting physical distance between us, has my insides tumbling.
“I realized that going to London was just me running away—”
“No shit,” he cuts in, his voice flat, his gaze blazing with tamped anger. But it’s slowly starting to simmer. He looks so different without his beard, his head shaved close to his skull. His features are stern and unforgiving.
I clutch my skirt with cold fingers. “Right, so…thing is, I didn’t want to run any more. I demanded the money from Bloom because I knew that would end it.”
Another ugly snort leaves him, and he shakes his head. “Well, it certainly does end things—”
“No, Ethan,” I say, stepping forward. “Not like that. I’m giving the money to your charity. All one million. Ivy and I had a press conference. I said I was donating it on your behalf, because Bloom getting sleazy PR by exploiting your personal life should come to some good.”
He stills, his eyes narrowing. “You gave it to charity?”
“Of course. Did you really think I’d claim that disgusting prize for myself?” I swallow hard, trying not to be offended at the idea. I ought to have warned him.
Ethan’s shoulders bunch with tension. “No. But I didn’t know what to think, Fiona. I had some fucking linebacker laughing in my face, telling me my girl went for the money.”
“Baby…I’m so sorry.” I take a step forward.
But he backs away, his face closed off. Regret punches through me.
“Do you have any idea what it did to me,” he grinds out. “To hear it from someone else? Because, let me tell you, not a single fucking person on that field knew about you giving the money to charity. They looked at me like I was a massive dupe, a fucking joke.”
Shit. I didn’t consider the lag time between asking for the money and my interview, which should be airing right about now.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan. You’re right. I should have warned you. I wasn’t thinking. I just… I wanted to set us free. I needed to take the wind from their sails. Taking that money and giving it to your charity? What can anyone say about us now?”
He expels a breath. “Okay, fine. But we should have done it together.”
I give a jerky nod, misery spreading. “I’m sorry.”
Ethan laughs without humor, tilting his head back to blink up at the ceiling. “God. You cut me off at the knees out there, Fi. I walked into that blind.”
“Ethan—”
“I know,” he says with a terse snarl. “You’re sorry. You didn’t mean it.” He glances at me, and there’s no joy in the look. “Believe me, I’m trying to get over it. But you were my safe harbor, Fi. The one person I’ve never had to worry about…”
He spits out a curse and turns away, as if he can’t look at me.
“You’re my safe harbor too,” I say, holding back a sob. “I messed up. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t think—”
“No,” he shouts, “you didn’t.”
Emotion punches into my chest, and I snap. “Damn it, Ethan. I’ve been hurting here too! It wasn’t your naked picture spread all over the Internet. You’re not the one being called a whore or having fucking creepers comment on your body!”
“You think I don’t know that?” He takes a step toward me as a deep flush works its way up his neck. “You think it doesn’t fucking gut me that I caused it? You know it does.”
“Then don’t rip into me for finally taking control of the situation! Because your whole ‘no comment’ stance wasn’t doing the fucking job.”
He freezes and frowns at me as if seeing me for the first time. “Shit, did you do it this way because you were pissed at me?”
All the air leaves my lungs. I practically choke as I stumble back. “Did you just say that? Did you just fucking accuse me? Fuck you, Ethan!”
His face twists. “Don’t get all righteous on me. I’m allowed to question this.”
“Then don’t you go getting all righteous on me,” I snap back, stabbing my finger in the air. “I get that I fucked up. I get that you’re mad. But you have no right to—”
“I’ve no right?” His expression is feral now, teeth bared, muscles bulging. “Because I’m calm, sensible Dex? The guy who takes a beating and gets back up without complaint? Well, too fucking bad. I am mad. And I’m sorry if that offends you, but I’m not going to suck this up. Not yet. Not fucking yet, Fiona!”