“Yeah, I guess so,” I say. “Though you should know it doesn’t really count because you’ll barely remember it in the morning.”
“Yes I will.”
“Naaah, you won’t.”
She almost falls over when she’s done and pushes herself back into a stand. I grab ahold of her arm and slip mine around her waist from behind. Then I kiss her on the top of the head. “I love you so much.”
I don’t know why I felt so compelled to say that in this moment, but just having her next to me and knowing that she’s in no condition to take care of herself tonight, I needed to say it. The words were there in the back of my throat and, I admit it, they were starting to choke me up. I would blame it on the alcohol, but no, even completely sober I love her just as f**king much.
She wraps both arms around my waist, nestles her head against my chest as we start to head back, and squeezes me. “I love you, too.”
24
As the night wears on, things happening in our small group begin to shift. People are talking less and making out more. Bray and Elias are lying down next to each other on one side of the bonfire. Tate and his girlfriend might as well be f**king already; only thing left to do is take off their clothes. Thankfully, the shady blonde chick is over me and is helping her friend feel Caleb up about eight feet away from Camryn and me.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I have a feeling I know where this is heading. No big deal. It’s not like I’ve never been in a situation like this before, but this time my main focus isn’t trying to please two chicks at once. I just need to keep Camryn away from their shit.
Just as I start to roll over onto my side to talk to Camryn lying next to me, the whole f**king world comes out from under me. I try to lift my head. I think. My eyes feel like fairies are dancing on top of them. With them open.
“Oh shit…,” I say out loud, but then, maybe I didn’t. Maybe it was all in my head.
I raise my hand in front of my face and it looks like the moon is sitting between my thumb and index finger. I try to shake it off, but it’s too damn heavy and it weighs my arm down. I feel my elbow hit the sand like an eighty-pound weight.
My head is spinning. The color of the fire is blue and yellow and dark red. The sound of the ocean is tripled in my ears, blending with the crackling of the wood on the fire and someone moaning.
“Camryn? Where are you?”
“Andrew? I… I’m right here. I think.”
I can’t even tell if that was really her voice.
I squint my eyes tightly and reopen them again, trying to focus, but I realize I don’t want to focus. I’m smiling. My face feels so stretched out that I’m afraid for a second that it’s not gonna stop stretching and it’s going to rip my face in half. But then it’s OK.
Oh my f**king God… I’m trippin’. What. The. Fuck. Did they give to me?
I try to stand up, but when I think I’m standing I look down and see that I haven’t moved at all. I try again with the same result.
Why can I not stand up?!
“Holy f**k, Tate,” I hear a voice say but I can’t even make out if it’s male or female. “This is some good shit. Ho-ly f**k. I’m seeing rainbows and shit. It’s the Reading Fucking Rainbow…”
Then whoever just said that starts singing the Reading Rainbow song.
I feel like I’m in Crazy Town, but I don’t really wanna leave.
Finally, I lay flat on my back and double-check my position by patting the sand on either side of me with the palms of my heavy hands. Then I look up at the star-filled sky and watch the stars move back and forth across the blackness in a poetic pattern.
Camryn’s face appears on my chest like a ghost out of mist.
“Baby?” I ask. “Are you all right?”
I’m worried about her, but I can’t stop smiling.
“Yeah. I’m goooood. I’m good.”
“Lay by me,” I tell her.
I shut my eyes when I feel her head on my chest, and I smell the shampoo she always uses, but it’s so much stronger than before. Everything is stronger. Every sound. The feel of the wind on my face. Dax Riggs singing “Night Is the Notion” in the background somewhere that my mind tells me is far away, but it’s so goddamn loud it’s like the Jeep is right next to my head. I can almost smell the rubber from the tires.
And I can’t help it. I start singing “Night Is the Notion” as loud as I can. I don’t know how I know all the words already, but I know them. I f**king know them. And it feels like the song is going on for hours and I don’t care. Eventually, I stop singing along and just close my eyes and feel the music move through me. And I don’t care about anything right now except the moment. And I’m horny as f**k. It takes me a second—I think—to realize that my dick feels the same breeze that my face feels. And it feels good.
“Camryn? What? Yes.”
I don’t even know what I’m saying, or if I’m really saying anything at all. My mind tells me that I need to make sure she’s not so messed up that she’s giving me a blow job in front of these people, but at the same time I don’t want her to stop.
My breath catches and my head falls over to one side. I see Caleb on top of one of those chicks, her naked thighs crushed around his thrusting body. I look away. I stare back up at the sky. Traces of light move back and forth as the stars move. I shudder when I feel my dick hit the back of her throat.
I look down. I see blonde hair. I reach out to touch it, part of me wanting to pull her away, the other part wanting to force her to take it deeper. I end up doing the latter, but when I throw my head back and see Camryn’s face lying next to mine, I snap upward from the shoulders.