“That was so funny; she’s funny when she’s drunk, too. And when she cusses it’s so funny. It’s like hearing my Nan cuss.” Logan laughs along with Nate.
“Would you two just shut the fuck up about her, already? She’s not coming.”
“All right, calm down, would you?” Nate asks with a smile.
I wish the two of them hadn’t put together a party for me, because I wanted to spend my birthday with Tessa. I don’t really give a shit about birthdays, but I wanted to see her. I know she doesn’t have shit to do, she just doesn’t want to be around my friends—not that I blame her.
“Is something going on with you and Zed?” Nate asks as we head to class.
“Yeah, he’s a dick and won’t stay away from Tessa. Why?”
“I’m just wondering because I saw Tessa going into the environmental-whatever-the-fuck-it’s-called building and I thought it was weird . . .” Nate tells me.
“When was this?”
“Like two days ago. Monday, I think.”
“Are you . . .” But I stop midsentence because I know he’s serious.
Goddammit, Tessa, what part of “stay the fuck away from Zed” do you not understand?
“You don’t care if he comes, though, right? Because we already told everybody and I don’t want to uninvite anyone,” Nate says; he’s always been the nice one out of our group.
“I don’t give a shit. He’s not the one fucking her, I am,” I tell him and he laughs. If he only knew what was actually going on.
Nate and Logan leave me in front of the athletic building, and I have to admit I’m anxious to see Tessa. I wonder how she wore her hair today and if she’ll be in those pants that I love so much.
What the fuck? It still blows my mind the way I think about the dumbest shit. Months ago, if you’d told me I’d be daydreaming about the way some girl was wearing her hair, I would have knocked your teeth out. And yet here I am hoping that Tessa’s pulled hers back so I can see her face.
LATER, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’m back at the frat house again. It feels like ages ago that I lived here. I don’t miss it at all, but I don’t exactly love living in that apartment alone either.
This year has been fucking insane. I really can’t believe I’m twenty-one now and will be finished with university next year. My mum kept crying on the phone earlier about how I’m growing up too quickly, and I ended up hanging up on her because she just wouldn’t stop. In my defense, I was somewhat polite about it, acting as if my phone was about to die the whole conversation.
The house is packed, the street is lined with cars, and I wonder who the fuck-all these people are that are here for my birthday. I know the party isn’t totally for me. It’s just an excuse to throw a big-ass party, but still. Just as I begin to wish Tessa were here, I spot Molly’s hideous pink hair and I’m glad Tessa didn’t come.
“There’s the birthday boy.” She smiles and walks into the house before me.
“Scott!” Tristan calls from the kitchen; he’s already been drinking, I can tell.
“Where’s Tessa?” Steph asks.
All of my friends are standing in a small circle basically staring me down as I try to think of something on the spot. The last thing I need is for them to know I’m trying to persuade her to come back to me.
“Wait . . . more importantly, where the hell are your rings?” Steph puts her hand under my chin and tilts my head to examine me like I’m a fucking lab rat.
“Get off,” I groan and pull away from her.
“Holy shit! You’re turning into one of them,” Molly says and points to a group of preppy douche bags across the room.
“No, I’m not.” I glare at her.
She cackles and presses on: “Yes, you are! She told you to take them out, didn’t she?”
“No, she didn’t, I took them out because I fucking felt like it. Mind your own damn business,” I snap, and she rolls her eyes.
“Whatever you say.” She walks away, thank God.
“Ignore her. Anyway, is Tessa coming?” Steph asks me, and I shake my head. “Well, I miss her! I wish she would hang out more.” She takes a drink from her red cup.
“Me, too,” I say under my breath and fill a cup with water.
Much to my misery, the music and voices get louder as the night goes on. Everyone is wasted before eight o’clock. I still haven’t decided if I want to drink or not. I went a long time without drinking until that night at my father’s when I destroyed all of Karen’s china. I used to go through these lame-ass parties without drinking . . . well, for the most part. I barely remember my early college days, bottle after bottle, slut after slut—it’s a blur, and I’m glad. Shit didn’t make sense before Tessa came around.
I find a spot on the couch next to Tristan and zone out to thoughts of Tessa while my friends play another dumb-ass drinking game.
Chapter one hundred and five
TESSA
Hey, the text from Hardin reads.
The butterflies that appear in my stomach are ridiculous.
How’s your party? I send, and shove another handful of popcorn into my mouth. I’ve been staring at the screen of my e-reader for two hours straight, and I need a break.
Lame. Can I come over? he responds.
I nearly jump off the bed. I made the decision earlier after spending hours finding a decent gift for him that my “space” can wait until after his birthday. I don’t care how needy or pathetic that is. If he chooses to spend time with me over his friends, I’ll take it. He really is trying and I need to acknowledge that; granted, we need to discuss his not wanting a future with me and how that will affect my career.