The glow in her cheeks is back, her eyes are bright and happy. Whatever she has worked through in the last couple of hours, I can only hope has been helped by my presence. The feeling is addicting. I just like being near her, and I’m not going anywhere as long as she wants me here.
Avery scoots over, making room for me on the bed, and moves closer to sink against the pillows. We’re half-sitting, half-lying side by side.
“Should we talk about my past … indiscretions?” she asks, staring at the ceiling.
I hate how she’s had to live with so much on her shoulders. But she’s right. We do need to talk about that. I wonder if she’s going to start, because I have no clue what to say. She grips her hands in front of her looking nervous.
I take a deep breath and start. “Listen, Avery, I can get over the pictures. We’ve all made stupid mistakes. But I don’t like feeling lied to.” She doesn’t say anything, just keeps looking straight up at the ceiling, her expression neutral. “The main thing holding me back is that you’re not who I thought you were. I can’t escape the feeling like I’ve been fooled by you. Do I even know the real Avery? Was it all a carefully constructed cover up, or did I see the real you?”
Her shoulders straighten, and she seems to draw some inner strength. “You saw the real me. The messy, scared shitless me trying to figure out a way to move past it.”
“When I first met you, you were running and I just wanted to help. Seeing you crouched behind that dumpster…shit, Avery.” I take a deep breath, letting it creep out of my lungs slowly.
“It’s fine, Jase. You don’t need to explain. You needed a little project to distract you from the issues with your mom – fine. Mission accomplished. But guess what? I don’t want to be someone’s project. I’m done being broken. And I’m done hiding from my past. I’ve made mistakes. I’m not perfect. I need someone who can deal with that.”
“You were never a project, and we both know it. I wasn’t involved with you for some noble purpose. I loved watching your eyes light up, seeing you let go, making you blush when I made dirty comments. I made it my mission to see you smile.”
“Well, I’m officially done hiding. It didn’t do me any good anyway. And when I dated Brent, I wasn’t the same girl that I am now. He was my first crush; I wanted to impress him, to fit in and be a little reckless…obviously you can see how well that worked out for me. It was a stupid mistake that I can’t take back, Jase.”
“Fuck your past. It won’t own us. I can’t think straight without you. I miss you. I want you back, babe.”
I’m sorry about all she had to endure. I’m sorry about her f**ktard ex. I’m sorry she’d taken those pictures. But I can push it all aside. I want this girl. I want her for my own. End of story. The world can f**k off for all I care. She’s mine.
“Whistle, I’m going to kiss you now.”
The tightness across my shoulders lessens for the first time in weeks. I lean in and kiss her, soft and tenderly, my lips skimming across hers. I nip at her bottom lip, drawing it into my mouth, and she lets out a soft exhale at the sudden contact. I’m torn…I want her, have wanted her for so long, and now she’s mine and we’re alone together in a hotel, but I don’t want to rush her.
Avery, having not gotten the memo about my decision to take things slow, pushes her hands under my shirt and rubs them along my chest and stomach. Even the simplest of touches from her are amazing. Finding her courage, she climbs onto my lap and straddles me. I grip her waist and continue kissing her, not wanting to rush things, but also not willing to give up this moment. Her hands stop at the waistband of my jeans, and with trembling fingers, she begins working at the button. It takes every ounce of self-control I possess to find her hands and stop her.
“Avery.” I breathe against her mouth and she pulls back just a fraction, her eyes searching mine. I hate that just when she finds herself and initiates physical contact between us, I have to stop her.
I press my palms to her cheeks, give her a firm kiss on the forehead and remove her from my lap. Her eyes betray her confusion and hurt.
“As badly as I want this, I want to do things right with you. I’ve never even taken you out on a proper date.”
“Are you turning me down?” She pouts.
I question myself for the briefest of moments. Especially since my pants have grown considerably tighter. “I will possess you baby, and when I do, it’ll be worth the wait.”
She chuckles softly, a faint blush coloring her chest. “This is quite the role reversal. I’m ready for sex, and now you’re not.”
I groan and adjust my erection. “Behave.” I move the pillows into place and pull her down against me so we’re lying side by side, looking at each other. I don’t even want to turn off the light to sleep, so I can just watch her, but I know I should. Once we’re plunged into darkness, her hand slides into mine, and she lets out a soft sigh.
The journey we’re on together is rocky, but I think it’s led us to the right place. Avery is stronger, more sure, and I’m not the guy I was. The partying scene, meaningless hookups – I’d wanted more all along and now I’ve found it. Avery is my more. I want to be better for her, be her everything. A twinge of regret pinches inside me as I realize I’ll have to find a way to tell Avery that I was with Stacia when she and I weren’t seeing each other. But I’ll worry about that later’ for now I just hold her.