"It was not deliberate on my part, Aunt."
"If I give you to the Seelie, will it stop?"
I looked into those eyes. Eyes that held less sanity than they should have. "I don't know."
"What does the Goddess say?"
"I don't know."
"She speaks to you, Meredith. I know she does. But have a care. She is not some Christian deity to take care of you. She is the same power that made me."
"I know the Goddess has many faces," I said.
"Do you, Meredith, do you really?"
I just nodded.
"Enjoy Rhys while you can, because once you sit the Seelie throne, my guard revert to me. They guard only our noble line."
"I have not agreed..."
She waved me to silence. "I no longer know how to save my people and our culture. I thought you were the solution, but though you may save faerie, you seem to be destroying the Unseelie way of life. Did the Goddess offer you a choice for how to bring life back to faerie?"
"Yes," I said softly.
"She offered you blood sacrifice or sex, didn't she?"
"Yes," I said. I couldn't keep the look of astonishment off my face.
"Don't look so shocked, Meredith. I was not always queen. Once no one ruled here who was not chosen by the Goddess. I chose death and blood to cement my tie to the land. I chose the Unseelie way. What did you choose, child of my brother?"
There was a look in her eyes that made me afraid to tell the truth, but I could not lie, not about this. "Life. I chose life."
"You chose the way of the Seelie."
"If there is a way to bring power that does not kill, why is it wrong to choose it?"
"Whose life did you spare?"
I licked suddenly dry lips. "Do not ask."
"Doyle?"
"No," I said.
"Then who!" She screamed it at me.
"Amatheon," I said.
"Amatheon. He is one of your newest lovers. He helped Cel torment you as a child. Why?"
"I don't understand, Aunt."
"Why?"
"Why what?" I asked.
"Why save him? Why not kill him to bring life back to the land? He was a willing sacrifice."
"Why kill him if I didn't have to?" I asked.
She shook her head sadly. "That is not an Unseelie answer, Meredith."
"My father, your brother, would have said the same thing."
"No, my brother was Unseelie."
"My father taught me that all in faerie from lowest to highest have value."
"No," she said.
"Yes," I said.
"I thought of you while I cut Crystall up, Meredith. The only hesitation I have about giving you to the Seelies is that if I do, I cannot kill you without starting a war. I don't want to lose the option of torturing you to death, Meredith. I think once you are dead your magic will fade and the traitorous Goddess that comes to you will fade with it."
"Would you condemn all of faerie to death because it is not the faerie you wish it to be?" Frost asked it, his face astonished.
"No and yes." With that the mirror went blank again. We were left staring at our own reflections. We all looked pale and shocky. Today no good news seemed to go unpunished.
Chapter 15
I WAS READY TO LIE DOWN AND GET SOME REST AND RELAXATION. It promised to be a long night. But I wasn't allowed to be alone. Not even just to sleep. Between Taranis's treachery and Queen Andais being able to see in the mirror at will, Rhys and Frost were just not willing to risk me being alone. I couldn't argue with them, so I didn't even try. I just started undressing so I could climb between the covers.
If it had been Doyle and Frost they would both have stayed, and we might have slept or we might have done something more active. But Rhys and Frost had never shared me, not even for sleep. There had been a moment of awkwardness as I undressed and they looked at each other.
It was Rhys who finally said, "I want sex with you before the goblins tonight, but I've seen that look on Frost's face before."
"What look?" Frost asked, but I didn't ask because I could see it, and I'd seen it before. Frost's need and uncertainty were plain in his eyes, in the lines of his mouth.
"I want sex," Rhys said, "but you need reassurance, and that takes longer to get."
"I do not know what you mean," Frost said in a cold voice. His face was at its arrogant best again, that moment of uncertainty hidden behind years of courtly living.
Rhys smiled. "It's all right, Frost. I understand, really I do."
"There is nothing to understand," Frost said.
I slipped na**d under the covers, almost too tired to care who won the conversation. I settled against the pillows and waited for one of them to climb into bed with me. I was so tired, so overwhelmed with all of the day's events that it didn't seem to matter who slept next to me, as long as someone did.
"Doyle isn't just your captain, Frost. You've been each other's right hands for centuries. You're feeling the lack of him."
"We are all feeling the lack of him healthy at our sides," Frost said.
Rhys nodded. "Yes, but only you and Merry feel his loss this deeply."
"I do not understand you," Frost said.
"That's okay," Rhys said. He looked at me. The look asked me, did I understand? I thought I did.
"Come to bed, Frost. Sleep with me." I patted the bed.
"Doyle told me to take care of you until he is able."
I smiled at the face that was trying for blankness and failing around the edges. "Then come to bed and take care of me, Frost."