And I never feel like this. Control is the name of the game. It’s what keeps the girls coming back for more.
“Gabe.” She breaks away from my lips, saying my name more firmly now, her hands planted on my chest and she gives me a not so subtle shove. Without warning she climbs off my lap and scurries over to the edge of the balcony, leaning against the metal railing with her back to me.
I sit in stunned silence, amped up and turned on yet willing my erection down and breathing deep to calm my racing heart. What the fuck just happened? She’d been into it. I know she was. So what did I do? Where did we go wrong? Is she mad?
Damn, I really hope she isn’t mad.
Blinking hard, I shake my head once, run my fingers through my hair before I rise to my feet and slowly approach her from behind. I don’t know what to do, what to say. Should I apologize? Offer to leave? I’ve somehow overstepped an invisible boundary and fucked this up before it even started.
I realize she’s shaking and I feel like a jerk. A tremor runs through her, and the way she wraps her arms tightly around her fills me with the unexplainable urge to comfort her. Calm her down. Reassure her that what just happened…fuck. I don’t know. Was it a mistake?
No. Not to me.
Does she regret it?
I hope not.
But she beats me to the punch.
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her voice carrying on the breeze, soft and a little shaky. “I sort of…panicked.”
“It’s cool.” I reach out, my hands hanging above her shoulders for one beat. Two. Three. Until finally I give in to my urge and touch her, though I keep it light and hopefully nonthreatening. Thank Christ she doesn’t flinch. “Did I move too fast?”
She shakes her head so hard, her hair brushing against my face. “No. I don’t know. This sort of thing…” Her voice drifts and she inhales sharply. “I don’t really do it.”
I frown, not quite getting what she means. “You don’t really do what?”
“This.” Lucy turns to face me, dropping her arms from around her waist but waving a hand between us. I let go of her shoulders. “This boy/girl thing we have going on.”
Okay. What the hell? Is she trying to say what, she was a lesbian before she met me, or something? Not that I would think less of her. I’d actually find that kind of hot, which means I’m a dumbass guy who thinks girl on girl action is a major turn on. So sue me. “I’m not quite getting you.”
She makes this little frustrated noise that I find incredibly sexy. Pretty much everything she does is sexy. “I’ve never…you know.” Another wave of the hand between us, her fingers coming perilously close to my dick. “With a guy.”
Wait a minute. “You’ve never kissed a guy?”
“Of course, I’ve kissed a guy.” She rolls her eyes. “Lots of times I’ll have you know.”
Okay.
“But I’ve never um.” She bites her lip, glances around, like she doesn’t want to meet my gaze. “I’ve never had, you know.”
Unease creeps over me. I think I know where this is leading. And if she says what I think she’s going to say, I have no choice but to walk away.
Right?
“You’ve never had…what?” I say each word nice and slow, wanting to make sure I get her meaning.
“Sex.”
The slightly horrified look on his handsome face is nothing short of amusing. Not that I’m laughing. I shouldn’t be laughing. Nothing about this is funny. Not really. I just confessed the biggest secret ever, one that is all sorts of humiliating.
But the first giggle slips out and it’s like I have no control. Another one escapes. Then another. Until I’ve got a major case of the nervous giggles while Gabe stands there looking at me with that scared, incredulous expression.
“Luce,” he finally says, sounding as dazed as he looks. “Are you serious?”
The tone of his voice stops the giggles. “Um.” I stand up straight. Look him right in the eye. “Yes?”
He frowns. “You said it like a question. I think you’d know for sure if you were a virgin or not.”
Ugh. He tosses the word out so casually, like it’s no big deal when it’s a tremendous deal. A crazy, unbelievable thing because my God, I’m twenty-one years old. I shouldn’t be a virgin. I’m a grown woman. An adult.
A grown, adult woman who’s never had sex.
“I’m definitely a virgin,” I say with a wince. I hate saying that word. There’s so much behind it. A stigma, a brand, a label.
The way Gabe’s backing away from me, his hands raised in front of him as if in surrender, I know it’s a done deal. As in, he’s done.
With me.
The pain that radiates from within is nothing short of breathtaking, and not in a good way.
“I, uh.” He stumbles over his own feet and I almost will him to fall on his ass. I’m evil. Seriously. “Yeah. I don’t know if I can deal with that, Lucy.”
He even used the word deal, like he can read my mind. I sigh wearily. “Deal with what?”
“Deal with your—virgin status. I know, I sound like an asshole but bear with me. I mean, you’ve been holding out for a long time, right?” He comes to a stop, staring at me with wide eyes. Poor guy looks stunned, not that I feel sorry for him. “That means you value it, value your body and that’s cool. I get it. Well, I don’t know what that’s like but I think I understand. You probably want to fall in love with a nice guy and give it up to him then, am I right?”