“What are you doing?” Tate demanded.
I swallowed through the dryness in my thick mouth. “It’s what I say when the going gets tough at the gym,” I breathed out. “It’s motivation. Nachos and truffles and ice cream, oh, my! Nachos and—”
“Truffles and ice cream, oh, my!” they joined in as we all simultaneously picked up pace. “Nachos and truffles and ice cream, oh, my! Nachos and truffles and ice cream, oh, my! Nachos and—”
“And we’re done!” Tate exclaimed, cutting us off and smiling through her exhaustion.
Everyone collapsed, relief washing over our tired bodies as our heads bobbed with each breath.
I was too tired to move. Too tired not to move. My legs bent up and then straightened, uncomfortable. My chest ached with the heavy exertion, and I leaned back on my elbows, finding myself getting nauseated, so I leaned back up again and over my knees, trying to get my heart to calm down.
I was out of shape. Note to self: Need to do more cardio.
We all sucked down the rest of our water, and I was glad they’d told me to tuck a hand towel into the back of my shorts. There was sweat everywhere, so I wiped off my stomach—bare in its sports bra—and my face, arms, and legs.
“So, do Jared and Jax have any idea where their father is?” Fallon threw her towel down and grabbed her water again, looking at Tate and then me.
“I’m sure if anyone has any idea it’s Jax?” Tate spoke up and then glanced at me.
I shrugged, feeling a little lost. Jax was tough when it came to his father. He didn’t tell me much, but I soothed myself with the fact that he and his brother probably didn’t tell anyone much of anything.
“You know I’ve never agreed with my father’s business,” Fallon started, talking with her hands, “but this is one instance when Jax should’ve just let him take care of it.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She pinned me with serious eyes. “My father offered to deal with him. Jax said no.”
“Deal with him?” Tate repeated. “As in …?”
“As in,” Fallon inched out, “set him up with a new pair of cement shoes and go for a walk at the bottom of Lake Michigan.”
My eyes bugged out.
By the way she’d confided, I knew it embarrassed her a little. Now I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to meet her father.
“Jesus,” Tate mumbled, leaning back on her hands and looking to the ground.
“Well”—I cleared my throat—“I’m glad Jax said no, then.”
“Are you?” Fallon looked at me, amused. “Chickens always come home to roost, and your boyfriend is always one step ahead of everyone else.” She picked up her towel and threw it over her shoulder, looking at me pointedly. “He doesn’t disagree with what my father wants to do, Juliet. He simply wants to do it himself.”
I spent the rest of the afternoon doing a great job of distracting myself. I completed my lesson plans for the last week of tutoring and then went swimming in Madoc’s pool with him, Fallon, Tate, and Jared. They ordered pizza for dinner, but I excused myself to do laundry.
I needed to leave.
Even though Fallon and Madoc were welcoming, we weren’t close. At least not yet. I felt as though I was freeloading, a piece of furniture that kept getting shuffled around.
Shane’s parents might welcome me, but I’d feel the same there. I had little money, nowhere to live, and no real options that I liked, but it had to happen.
I needed a job, like yesterday, and then I’d see about finding someone who needed a roommate or had a room to rent. I had enough money to get me started, but I’d need a job to keep me going.
I hadn’t felt as though I was floundering when I stayed at Tate’s—or Jax’s—but now the reality of everything that had happened in the past few weeks brought me to a sudden halt. I’d lost my college tuition, my mother, who even though she was a demon with an updo, was still there to catch me as far as providing the basics, and I’d lost my carefully planned future.
I was starting over.
I wasn’t unhappy, but I was scared shitless. No one was taking care of me anymore.
I lugged a wash basket full of clean clothes into Fallon’s old room and saw the light blinking on my phone that sat on the bed.
Racing to it, I frowned, seeing a missed call from Shane instead of Jax.
But then I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, mentally kicking myself.
Dialing her back, I didn’t even let her say hello. “Dude, I’m sorry I forgot to call you. Shit. Don’t be mad, okay?”
She was leaving for California, and we were supposed to spend time together.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” She laughed. “Really. But I am leaving tomorrow, and I want to see you tonight.”
“Okay,” I blurted out, thankful she wasn’t yelling over my forgetfulness. “Well, I’m stuck at Madoc and Fallon’s house with no ride and no license, so you’ll have to come and get me.”
“Wait … you’re not at Jax’s party?”
My face fell instantly.
Jax’s party?
I lowered myself to the bed, my heart slowly creeping up my throat.
“Excuse me?” I breathed out, narrowing my eyes to keep my voice steady.
“Jax is having a party tonight,” she stated, her tone serious. “It started an hour ago, and I was just about to head over, but I wanted to call to make sure you were there already.”
I shook my head, breathing in and out as slowly as I could manage. “Yeah, yeah.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I forgot about it,” I lied. “Everything is slipping my mind lately. I’ll meet you there, okay?”
“But you can’t drive!” she yelled, but I hung up.
I jetted out of the room and down the stairs, bypassing mirrors for the first time in my life. After the pool, I’d changed into some cutoff jean shorts and a cute tank top, but my hair still hung wet from my shower, and I had on no makeup.
“Madoc?” I called, grabbing his keys off the counter. “I’m taking your car. I’ll be back in a while.”
“What!” I heard him yell from the patio where they were all still eating and playing.
But I was out the door before he even made it into the house.
Once on the highway, I cruised like a pro. It was only my third time driving a stick, and while my transitioning from gear to gear was still rough, I held it together damn well.
I wasn’t really thinking about the driving. Or the car.
There could be a million and one reasons why Jax had been distant the past twenty-four hours. Reasons I would understand and be mellow about. I was agreeable, after all, and I’d played it his way.
Because I trusted him.
But there was no reason to have a party and not tell me. Nothing had been officially said out loud. Was I his girlfriend? Was I not? Who the fuck cared what we called it? He cyberstalked me, I gave him my body, and he pulled a knife on me! That shit affords me some kind of fucking explanation.
He didn’t know I loved him, but he damn well knew I cared. What was his problem?
I pulled into Tate’s empty driveway, already seeing the packed street and cliques of people carousing on his lawn.
I turned off the car and let out a tired breath, looking over at his house.
Everything was fine.
I closed my eyes, listening for a minute to Devour the Day’s “Good Man” blasting from the house.
Everything was fine. I was overreacting.
He was worried about his father and wanted to get drunk or something, and he didn’t want me to see. That was all.
He’s still mine. I would keep repeating it to myself until I started to believe it.
I climbed out of the car and didn’t break pace as Shane came running up beside me on the front lawn.
“Do you want me to go in first?” she asked, out of breath.
“Why?”
“He’s having a party, and he didn’t tell his girlfriend.” She sounded worried, as if there would be drama.
“I’m not his girlfriend,” I whispered.
I’m just his. I rubbed the chill from my naked arms, missing the blanketing warmth of his skin.
We walked into the house through the wide-open door and took in the sight of more people than I had ever seen at a party here before. I let my eyes drift up the stairs, seeing people head up and down and wondering where Jax was in this mess.
Was he wasted? Was he outside with his toys like last time? Was he even here?
Peering into the living room, the heavy smell of smoke hit me, and I saw dancers standing on the wooden coffee table. Two girls—still dressed, thank God.
The room was trashed, though. The partiers had made short work of spreading their Solo cups and beer bottles, spilling their drinks, and moving furniture around. A couple of pictures even hung off balance.
I narrowed my eyes. This party had been going for a while.
Walking into the family room, I scanned for Jax, my stomach twisting tighter when I didn’t find him.
A guy swayed past me, stumbling over his feet, and the couple in the corner had lost their inhibitions completely.
Men roared from the kitchen, clothes were coming off, and everyone was wild.
Everyone was wasted.
I tucked my hair behind one ear and pushed through the kitchen, wincing when I noticed two girls in their bras playing some drinking game at the table.