I read them happily. I love credits. I love everything about movies.
The theater is dark except for the flicker of blacks and whites and grays on-screen. Clark Gable pretends to sleep and places his hand in the center of
an empty bus seat. After a moment of irritation, Claudette Colbert gingerly plucks it aside and sits down. Gable smiles to himself, and St. Clair laughs.
It’s odd, but I keep finding myself distracted. By the white of his teeth through the darkness. By a wavy bit of his hair that sticks straight out to the side.
By the soft aroma of his laundry detergent. He nudges me to silently offer the armrest, but I decline and he takes it. His arm is close to mine, slightly elevated. I glance at his hands. Mine are tiny compared to his large, knuckly boy hands.
And, suddenly, I want to touch him.
Not a push, or a shove, or even a friendly hug. I want to feel the creases in his skin, connect his freckles with invisible lines, brush my fingers across the inside of his wrist. He shifts. I have the strangest feeling that he’s as aware of me as I am of him. I can’t concentrate. The characters on the screen are squabbling, but for the life of me, I don’t know what about. How long have I not been paying attention?
St. Clair coughs and shifts again. His leg brushes against mine. It stays there. I’m paralyzed. I should move it; it feels too unnatural. How can he not
notice his leg is touching my leg? From the corner of my eye, I see the profile of his chin and nose, and—oh, dear God—the curve of his lips.
There. He glanced at me. I know he did.
I bore my eyes into the screen, trying my best to prove that I am Real y Interested in this movie. St. Clair stiffens but doesn’t move his leg. Is he holding his breath? I think he is. I’m holding mine. I exhale and cringe—it’s so loud and unnatural.
Again. Another glance. This time I turn, automatical y, just as he’s turning away. It’s a dance, and now there’s a feeling in the air like one of us should say something. Focus, Anna. Focus. “Do you like it?” I whisper.
He pauses. “The film?”
I’m thankful the shadows hide my blush.
“I like it very much,” he says.
I risk a glance, and St. Clair stares back. Deeply. He has not looked at me like this before. I turn away first, then feel him turn a few beats later.
I know he is smiling, and my heart races.
Chapter twelve
To: Anna Oliphant <[email protected]>
From: James Ashley <[email protected]>
Subject: Gentle Reminder
Hel o, honey. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken. Have you checked your voice mail? I’ve cal ed several times, but I assume you’re busy
exploring Paree. well , this is just a gentle reminder to cal your dear old dad and tell him how your studies are going. Have you mastered French
yet? Tasted foie gras? What exciting museums have you visited? Speaking of exciting, I’m sure you’ve heard the good news. The Incident
debuted at number one on the NY Times! Looks like I’ve stil got the magic touch. I’m leaving for a southeastern tour next week, so I’l see your brother soon and give him your best. Keep laser-focused on school, and I’l see YOU at Christmas.
Josh leans his lanky body over my shoulder and peers at my laptop. “Is it just me, or is that ‘YOU’ sort of threatening?”
“No. It’s not just YOU,” I say.
“I thought your dad was a writer. What’s with the ‘laser-focused’ ‘gentle reminder’ shit?”
“My father is fluent in cliché. Obviously, you’ve never read one of his novels.” I pause. “I can’t believe he has the nerve to say he’l ‘give Seany my best.’”
Josh shakes his head in disgust. My friends and I are spending the weekend in the lounge because it’s raining again. No one ever mentions this, but it
turns out Paris is as drizzly as London. According to St. Clair, that is, our only absent member. He went to some photography show at El ie’s school.
Actual y, he was supposed to be back by now.
He’s running late. As usual.
Mer and Rashmi are curled up on one of the lobby couches, reading our latest English assignment, Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress. I turn back to my father’s email.
Gentle reminder ... your life sucks.
Memories from earlier this week—sitting next to St. Clair in the dark theater, his leg against mine, the look that passed between us—flood back in and
fil me with shame. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m convinced nothing happened.
Because nothing DID happen.
When we left the movie, Rashmi announced, “The ending was too abrupt. We didn’t get to see any of the good stuff.” And by the time I’d finished
defending it, we were already back inside the dorm. I wanted to talk to St. Clair, get a sign that something between us had changed, but Mer broke in and hugged him good night. And since I couldn’t hug him without exposing my thudding heart, I lingered behind.
And then we had this lame wave goodbye.
And then I went to bed, confused as ever.
What happened? As thril ing as it was, I must have exaggerated it in my mind, because he didn’t act any differently at breakfast the next day.We had a
friendly conversation, as always. Besides, he has El ie. He doesn’t need me. all I can guess is that I must have projected my own frustrated feelings about Toph onto St. Clair.
Josh is examining me careful y. I decide to ask him a question before he can ask me one. “How’s your assignment going?” My team in La Vie actual y