“So what? We were just dancing. Who cares?”
“Who cares? El ie’s freaked out about you as it is! She hates it when we’re together, and now she’l think something’s going on—”
“She hates me?” I’m confused.What did I do to her? I haven’t even seen her in months.
He screams again and kicks the wal , then howls in pain. “FUCK!”
“Calm down! God, Étienne, what’s with you?”
He shakes his head, and his expression goes blank. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” He runs a hand through his damp hair.
What was supposed to end? Her or me?
“It’s been fal ing apart for so long—”
Oh my God. Are they breaking up?
“But I’m just not ready for it,” he finishes.
My heart hardens to ice. Screw him. Seriously. SCREW. HIM.“Why not, St. Clair? Why aren’t you ready for it?”
He looks up at me when I say his name. St. Clair, not Étienne. He’s hurt, but I don’t care. He’s St. Clair again. Flirty, friends-with-everyone St. Clair. I HATE him. Before he can answer, I’m stumbling down the sidewalk. I can’t look at him anymore. I’ve been so stupid. I’m such an idiot.
It’s Toph, all over again.
He cal s after me, but I keep moving forward. One foot in front of the other. I’m focusing so hard on my steps that I bump into a streetlamp. I curse and kick it. Again and again and again and suddenly St. Clair is pul ing me back, pul ing me away from it, and I’m kicking and screaming and I’m so tired and I just want to go HOME.
“Anna. Anna!”
“What’s happening?” someone asks. Meredith and Rashmi and Josh surround us. When did they get here? How long have they been watching us?
“It’s all right,” St. Clair says. “She’s just a little drunk—”
“I am NOT DRUNK.”
“Anna, you’re drunk, and I’m drunk, and this is ridiculous. Let’s just go home.”
“I don’t want to go home with you!”
“What the hel has gotten into you?”
“What’s gotten into me? You’ve got a lot of nerve asking that.” I stagger toward Rashmi. She steadies me while giving Josh an appal ed look. “Just tell me one thing, St. Clair. I just want to know one thing.”
He stares at me. Furious. Confused.
I pause to steady my voice. “Why are you stil with her?”
Silence.
“Fine. Don’t answer me. And you know what? Don’t cal me either. We’re done. Bonne nuit.”
I’m already stomping away when he replies.
“Because I don’t want to be alone right now.” His voice echoes through the night.
I turn around to face him one last time. “You weren’t alone, ass**le.”
Chapter thirty-five
Wow, Anna.You are such a mean drunk.”
I pul the covers over my head. Rashmi is on the phone. My head is kil ing me.
“How much did you and St. Clair drink last night?”
Étienne. What happened last night? I remember the club. I remember the music and—Was there dancing? I think there was dancing—and, oh yeah,
some girl was yel ing at us, and then we went outside and . . . oh no.
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
I sit up quickly and ohmyfreakinggod my head is THROBBING. I close my eyes to shut out the painful light, and slowly, slowly sink back down into bed.
“You guys practical y had sex on the dance floor.”
We did?
I open my eyes again and regret it immediately. “I think I have the flu,” I croak. I’m thirsty. My mouth is dry. Disgusting. It tastes like the bottom of Captain Jack’s cage.
“More like a hangover.You should have some water. But not too much, you might puke again.”
“Again?”
“Look in your sink.”
I groan. “I’d rather not.”
“Josh and I practical y carried you home. You should be thanking me.”
“Thanks.” I am so not in the mood for Rashmi right now. “Is Étienne okay?”
“Haven’t seen him. He went to El ie’s last night.”
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse. I twist the corners of my pil ow. “Did I, uh, say anything weird to him last night?”
“Apart from acting like a jealous girlfriend and saying you never wanted to speak to him again? No. Nothing weird at all.” I moan as she recounts the
night for me blow by blow. “Listen,” she says when she finishes, “what’s the deal with you two?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.You two are inseparable.”
“Except when he’s with his girlfriend.”
“Right. So what’s the deal?”
I groan again. “I don’t know.”
“Have you guys . . . you know . . . done anything?”
“No!”
“But you like him. And he likes you, too.”
I stop choking my pil ow. “You think?”
“Please. The boy gets a boner every time you walk in the room.”
My eyes pop back open. Does she mean that figuratively or has she actual y seen something? No. Focus, Anna. “So why—”
“Why is he stil with El ie? He told you last night. He’s lonely, or at least he’s scared of being lonely. Josh says with all of this stuff with his mom, he’s been too freaked out to change anything else in his life.”
So Meredith was right. Étienne is afraid of change. Why haven’t I talked about this with Rashmi before? It seems obvious now. Of course she has