I unlock my door, and I’m surprised when the alarm beeps at me. “That’s strange. The alarm is on.”
“Did Jett not tell you that Kit took him to the karting track? Simon is with them. He’ll drop them off when they’re done, and Jonas will cover you both until morning when I take back over with you, and Simon with Jett.”
“No, he didn’t tell me.”
Clearly, my security guy knows more about my son’s movements than I do.
“Thanks, Andre.”
I close the door and kick off my heels. As I wander into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine, I see a note tacked to the fridge from Jett and Kit.
GONE TO THE TRACK. WE’LL BRING PIZZA HOME.
LOVE, J & K
I pour myself a glass of wine, grab my phone, and go upstairs to take a bath.
The book lying in the center of my bed stops me in my tracks.
Red Dragon.
It was the book that Paul gave me. It was his favorite book. He had highlighted his favorite passages in it.
For some reason, I kept it for all these years. I guess maybe a part of me—the part that wanted to believe he wasn’t all bad, remember the times he’d been good to me—held on to that book. Now, it’s here, lying on my bed.
I never kept it on the bookshelf in the living room as I didn’t want Jett to ever find and question it.
It was in the box in my wardrobe with all the newspaper articles from the trial.
My hand trembles as I put my wine down on my bedside table.
Why would this be here?
Did Jett maybe find it and begin reading it?
I go to my wardrobe and pull out the box it was in. Laying it on the bed, I open it. Aside from the book being out, everything else is still there, as I left it.
I stare at the book.
Could this have been…
No. I would have known if Paul were here in London. His tag would have alerted the police to him leaving Manchester. Russell would have called me.
It can’t be him.
It must have been Jett or maybe Kit. Maybe Kit was looking for something and just left it there by mistake.
But, Kit doesn’t know I kept Paul’s book.
I pick up my wine and take a fortifying sip, then, put it back down.
Using my phone, I dial Kit’s number.
“Hey,” he greets me.
“Hey. How’s karting?”
“Good. Jett’s kicking ass out there at the moment. Did you get our note?”
“I did.”
“We won’t be much longer, and then we’ll be heading home. What do you want on your pizza?”
“The usual, chicken and ham…Kit, were you in my room earlier?”
“No. Why?”
“It’s nothing. There was just a book on my bed, and I’m fairly certain I didn’t leave it there.”
“Maybe it was Jett?”
“Yeah…maybe.”
“Indy…are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long day, is all.”
“Okay, well, we’ll be home soon.”
I hang up with Kit and stare at the book still sitting there, mocking me.
Reaching over, I pick it up. My hand is trembling again.
I look down at it, tracing my finger over the cover. Then, I drop it back in the box and put the lid on. Getting to my feet, I put the box back in my wardrobe, and close the door on it, and my past.
“I’M CONSIDERING RETIRING NEXT YEAR. Making this my last season.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Carrick shakes his head as he sits forward in his seat. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. Did you just say you’re considering retiring?”
“I am more than considering. And please keep your voice down. Ears.” I gesture at the people around us.
We’re in the hotel bar. Carrick is bored because Andi has gone for a night out with Petra, so I’m his date for the night. I would really rather not be here. A couple of women are at the bar, and one of them has been eye-fucking me since I arrived ten minutes ago. Brunette with big tits. The type of woman I would have fucked without a second thought—before India.
Now, I have no interest in other women. I only see India.
“You’re the first person I am talking to about this, so keep it to yourself—meaning tell no one, including Andi— because nothing is definite yet.”
“You haven’t talked to India about this?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Well, while I’m honored I’m the first you’re telling, can I ask, why the fuck are you considering it?”
“Because…” I shrug.
“Oh, well, that explains it.” He throws a hand up, letting it fall back to his lap. “You just got your career back, and now, you’re considering throwing it away.”
“I’m not throwing it away.” I frown at him. “I am thirty-one years old. This is the last year on my contract. Sure, it’s up for renewal, but I am not sure I want that. I have been behind the wheel of a car since I can remember. I nearly lost my life for the fucking love of it. But things are different now. I’m different. I thought coming back would be everything, but it’s not. Of course, I still love racing. Just not in the same way. And now I have found something I love more.”
“India?”
“Mmhmm.”
“But India’s not asking you to quit, is she?” He raises a brow in question.
“No, she’s not. She would never do that. But come on, Carrick, you know what this life is like. We’re on the road nine months out of the year. I will hardly see her. I hardly see her as it is. And it’s not like it is with you and Andi. She travels with you. India can’t do that.”