It was understandable, then, that when I got home from work that night I didn’t know how to react to the fact that Nate was sitting on my couch, drinking my coffee and watching my TV.
I know how my body reacted.
It liked his lean, muscular form on my couch. It liked the stubble on his handsome face, and the gleam in his gorgeous, dark chocolate eyes.
I know how my heart reacted.
It loved that he was in my sitting room, waiting for me.
‘Hey?’
He sat forward, reaching for the remote to switch off the television. ‘I came by last night. You never came home.’
‘I stayed with my dad.’
Tension seemed to melt from the line of his shoulders. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine.’
He scratched his jaw, a question in his eyes. ‘Did we f**k up at the weekend?’
Moving toward him, I exhaled heavily. ‘I don’t know. Did we?’
Nate stood up, coming toward me. He put his hands on my waist and drew me to him. I was a goner. ‘I think it was a strange weekend. I think we should forget about it.’
What the hell does that mean? Find out!
‘Okay,’ I acquiesced, hating myself for it, but loving the feel of his lips whispering across my jaw.
His warm breath puffed against my ear as his hands pulled the back of my shirt into his fists. ‘I feel like I haven’t been inside you in forever.’
I leaned into him. ‘It’s only been a few nights,’ I reminded him softly.
‘That’s what I said.’ He pressed an open-mouth kiss to my sweet spot. ‘Fucking forever.’
At first he was rough, wild, hot. I let him kiss me. I let him undress me. I let him lead me into my room. I let him caress every part of my body.
Somewhere along the way he turned tender.
I let him slide inside me and take me slowly, beautifully. I closed my eyes.
‘Don’t,’ he said gruffly, grasping the back of my thigh to change the angle of his deep, slow thrusts. ‘Look at me. Give me those eyes.’
So I let him look into my eyes while he made love to me, until I came with tears in them.
I let him push my uncertainty aside.
I let him back in.
Nate came hard, his grip on my body almost bruising as he threw his head back and groaned his release. Once his hips stopped jerking against mine, a strange stillness came over him. An alertness. Our eyes met, and whatever Nate saw in mine had him rolling off me as if I was on fire.
Quickly he took off the used condom and threw it in the trash can. He immediately started pulling his jeans back on.
Something was very wrong.
‘You’re not staying?’
He didn’t answer, and that line of tension was back in his shoulders. I waited as he put his shirt on. Not meeting my eyes at first, he dragged a hand down his face, and then finally looked at me.
My heart pounded as I sat up. I swallowed a wave of nausea.
‘I’m ending this, Liv. I can’t do it anymore.’
I felt like my rib cage was closing in on my lungs. ‘You –’ I shook my head. ‘You make love to me and then … end it?’
‘That’s why.’ He clenched his jaw tightly. ‘Make love to you? That was never what this was about.’
Anger tore through me as I got out of the bed, reaching for a nightshirt so I wouldn’t feel so vulnerable. I yanked it on over my head and then spun around, hands on my hips. ‘Why did you come here tonight? If you were going to end it?’
‘Because I wasn’t sure it needed to be ended … but after that …’ His voice trailed off as he gestured helplessly toward the bed.
I stared at the bed, where he’d been so tender only moments before. ‘I was just following your lead.’
‘Don’t,’ he snapped at me. ‘Don’t give me those wounded eyes and that hurt tone. We agreed that this was just sex. And you promised.’ His eyes softened now, almost pleading. ‘You promised it wouldn’t ruin us.’
‘You want me to hold to that promise? Nate, don’t lie to yourself! For the past six weeks we’ve been in a relationship, and I’m sick of pretending it isn’t. You’re here most nights and it’s not just sex. It’s friendship and affection and tenderness.’ I didn’t want to cry, but I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes. ‘We make each other laugh and we get each other. What’s so wrong with that?’
‘I can’t believe you,’ Nate whispered hoarsely, sounding and looking betrayed.
Ice slivered over my heated skin, making me shiver in a cold sweat.
‘I’ve told you over and over that I don’t want that and you sat there and murmured your understanding and gave me your f**king assurances and all the time you were manipulating me!’ He ended on a roar that made me flinch.
He was shaking.
I’d never seen him like this.
When I didn’t say anything he turned to leave.
That’s when I found my voice. ‘I wasn’t the one who asked you to sleep over after sex. You did that. I didn’t ask you to be here almost every night. You did that. I didn’t cuddle you on the couch. You did that. I didn’t ask you to come home and meet my parents. You did that.’
Nate stopped, his jaw locked, glaring at my carpet.
The realization that I was about to lose him forever hit me.
I couldn’t breathe as invisible hands ripped me open.
Blinded by tears, I told him softly on shallow breaths, ‘Looking back, I think you knew that there was more here. There were moments when I felt you pull away and I thought that was it – this, between us, was over. But then you’d come back. Why?’