I was the perfect girlfriend. Thinking back, I couldn’t remember a time we’d ever got into a fight. Why? Because I never argued. I always agreed with him or curbed my tongue. I didn’t care what we did as long as it made him happy. I was the epitome of congenial blandness. And when I finally hadn’t catered to his every whim, when I’d put my family’s needs over his, he’d kicked me to the kerb.
A shudder rippled through me and I took a step back from Callum, all those warm memories evaporating. Did Cam see that when he looked at me with Malcolm? Was I like that with Malcolm? We never argued. I always agreed … but that was the way to keep him, right? I shot a look down at him and saw he was frowning at me. I wanted this man to propose one day, right? It didn’t matter whether he was proposing to the real me or not.
My gut churned.
Right?
It didn’t matter.
… right?
I looked back at Callum with a tight smile. ‘I’d better get back to dinner. It was nice seeing you after all this time, and nice meeting you, Meaghan.’ I nodded at them and slipped back into my chair.
I knew they were gone when Malcolm’s gaze returned to me. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine.’
‘Who was that?’
‘Ex-boyfriend.’
Becca choked on a giggle. ‘A handsy ex-boyfriend.’
‘Too handsy,’ Cam muttered, and I looked up, only for our eyes to clash. I couldn’t tell what was going on behind his. Was he angry?
‘Yes, well,’ Malcolm replied tightly now. ‘He certainly didn’t care that his fiancée was standing right next to him.’
Did you care? Malcolm, did you care? I shot him a look and almost swore at the way he was looking at Cam. Not Callum. Cam. I frowned, totally confused. ‘Are you angry?’
With that careful look at Cam, Malcolm smiled at me and slid his arm around the back of my chair. ‘It’s my bed you end up in at the end of the night, sweetheart. I’ve got nothing to be mad about.’
I smiled weakly at him, taken aback by his uncharacteristic comment, and then chanced another look at Cam. His plate seemed to hold a great deal of interest for him, and since I couldn’t read his eyes, I read his body. His jaw was locked tight, his fist was curled around his fork until his knuckles were white, and his shoulders had tensed.
Cam was mad now?
Jesus, what were we playing at with each other?
10
‘Where are you going?’ Malcolm slid his arm around my waist and halted my progress out of his bed.
I grew still, confused. This was the part at the end of the night when I always left.
‘Stay. Stay with me tonight.’
Dinner had been a strange affair after Callum’s appearance. Malcolm seemed off, his behaviour taking a surprising turn as he acted both cocky and proprietary towards me, and Becca’s mood had soured along with Cam’s. I was grateful when Malcolm called it quits, taking me home to his flat. However, as soon as we were in the door, he was on me, his kisses hard and demanding, his need immediate and intense.
We ended up having sex on his living-room couch. It was the first time we’d had sex outside of his bed.
I wanted to find it exciting, but it hadn’t been. It had felt like a claiming, and with my mind all over the place, it was not a claiming I’d been into. After months of praying for this moment, I couldn’t believe I was questioning whether I wanted it or not.
Malcolm had carried to me to his bed after the couch sex, where he’d made love to me tenderly, sweetly … but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t switch my brain off, my thoughts buzzing around in my head like too many trolleys in one supermarket aisle – they were relevant, but they weren’t going anywhere that made sense.
‘I feel like you’re someplace else tonight.’ Malcolm tugged on my waist, pulling me closer. ‘I’d feel better if you stayed, but only if you want to.’
I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself that this was exactly what I wanted. So Malcolm didn’t know me as well as he thought he did. That was a good thing. And anyway, Cole was staying at Jamie’s. The only one I had to worry about was Mum, and really that was just a case of hoping she didn’t burn down the flat.
I relaxed, cuddling into Malcolm. ‘Okay.’
He wrapped his arms tighter around me, stroking my arm soothingly. ‘I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.’
I tensed. ‘Nothing is wrong.’
‘You keep saying that, but I don’t believe you.’
I scrambled around for some excuse. ‘Things are just difficult with Mum at the moment.’
‘You could let me help.’
At his kindness, I melted against him, pressing a tender kiss to his throat. ‘You are helping. Being with you helps.’
He kissed my hair. ‘You weren’t with me tonight. Not the first time or the second time. And altogether that would be the third time.’
Oh, God. He knew I hadn’t come again. If sex with me was terrible, would Malcolm dump me? I tensed.
‘I’m not criticizing. I’m worried.’ He pulled away from me and tipped my chin up so he could look into my eyes. ‘I care about you, Jo. I hope you care about me.’
I nodded quickly, sincerely. ‘I do care about you. It’s just been a difficult few weeks, but I promise it’s going to get better.’
He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and snuggled us down under his duvet. ‘Let’s start with getting you a proper sleep. You work too hard.’
I held on to him, letting his patience and kindness act as a balm to my harried nerves. I was just drifting off when he said quietly, ‘You seem to get on okay with Cam?’