And maybe I was.
In fact, somewhere inside, I was pretty sure I was, but right now the anger and panic were overruling logic.
Logic that Joss probably would have used to talk me round. But Joss was hiding out from Ellie at the moment because Els had gone overboard with plans for the engagement party that was to take place in two weeks. With her brain ready to explode from Ellie in celebration mode, Joss had told me the other night at work that she had taken to not answering her door during the day. Five weeks of planning for a party? If I were Joss I’d be in hiding too.
With no one to talk me down and my emotions rocketing all over the place, I stormed into my building and stomped up the stairs, breathless by the time I reached Cam’s flat. I may have pounded on his door harder than was necessary.
‘Jesus Chr–’ Cam cut his words short at the sight of me as he opened the door to find me there, dishevelled and out of breath. ‘Jo? What are you – why aren’t you at work?’
My eyes skimmed over him. He was kind of dressed up for Cam. The Diesel T-shirt he wore looked new and was a little more tight-fitting than his usual tees, sculpting the lean lines of muscle in his strong body. And were those new jeans? My eyes dropped to the black Levi’s and I was almost relieved to see he was wearing his scuffed black engineer boots. Why was he semi-dressed up?
He looked hot.
It was such a turn-on when he gazed at me with those warm blue eyes, even when they were all worried and concerned as they were now. ‘Jo?’ He stepped out of his flat, reaching for me.
I wanted to lean into him, to let him hold me against him, to breathe him in, to feel his lips on my skin. I wanted that forever.
No, dammit! I drew back, taking him by surprise. I needed space. Every time I was near him, he just befuddled my brain.
He frowned, dropping his arm. ‘What’s wrong?’
I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to start crying. I held it at bay and looked anywhere but at him. ‘I quit my job.’
Silence fell between us for a moment and then he replied, ‘That’s good.’
My glare skewered him to the wall behind him. ‘No. It’s not good. It’s not bloody good, Cam.’
‘Okay, baby, calm down. Obviously something has happened.’ He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. ‘And I’m about to make it either better or worse. I need to tell you something.’
Shaking my head, I took a step up the stairs that would lead me to my flat. ‘I don’t want to know. Cam’ – I took a deep breath, reaching far inside me for the strength to say it – ‘I need space to think.’
He looked stunned, almost like I’d hit him. ‘Space?’
I nodded, chewing my lip to hell.
And then Cam’s eyes darkened, his whole expression growing taut with coming anger. I began to gnaw my lip as he took a menacing step towards me. ‘Space from me?’
I nodded.
‘Fuck that shit,’ he growled, his hands reaching for me before drawing back with restraint. ‘What the hell happened today?’
‘You did,’ I replied as calmly as I could.
His eyes only blazed bluer. Apparently my being calm only exacerbated his anger. ‘Me?’
‘I keep making these rash decisions and being completely selfish and that’s not fair to Cole.’
Cam screwed up his face. ‘Rash decisions? Am I a f**king rash decision? Is that what you’re saying?’
‘No!’ I cried, aghast at the hurt in his eyes. ‘No. I don’t know.’ I threw up my hands, so confused I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. ‘Are you? Are we? I mean what are we doing here? I keep expecting –’
‘Expecting what?’
‘You to just wake up one day, realize you’re bored out of your skull, and end it.’
A very tense silence fell between us again, and I watched with growing nervousness as Cam struggled to control his frustration. Finally he met my gaze and asked quietly, ‘Have I ever given you that impression? That I’m just messing around? I took you to meet my parents, for Christ’s sake, not to mention what I’ve just done today. That bullshit is in your head and I didn’t put it there, so what is going on?’
I threw up my hands again, tears glistening in my eyes. ‘I don’t know. I quit my job and being angry at me only took me so far, so I had to be angry at you! And I’m on my period, so I might be a little emotional.’ I sucked back tears.
His lips twitched now, the anger easing from his expression.
‘It’s not funny!’ I stomped my foot like a petulant child.
With a grunt, Cam answered by hauling me off the stairs and into his arms. I automatically wrapped my arms around him and buried my burning face in his neck.
‘No more talk about needing space?’ he asked hoarsely, his warm breath on my ear.
I nodded in agreement and his arms tightened.
‘Why did you quit?’
I pulled back and he eased me to my feet, although he didn’t let go of me. Now that I was this close to him I didn’t want to let go either.
Jesus, I was such a mess.
‘He found out I dumped Malcolm and he said some horrible things to me.’
Cam’s face clouded over. ‘What horrible things?’
I shrugged. ‘Basically he said I was stupid for dumping a rich man when that was about as good as my life would get.’
‘I’m going to kill him. First, you’re going to report him for misconduct, and then I’m going to kill him.’
‘I don’t want anything else to do with him.’