After a while of just gazing at me, Braden finally nodded. “Agreed.”
“Okay. Agreed.”
“I better get back to my flat, shower, change.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, his hand coming to rest on my waist. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I frowned. “No. I’m working tonight.”
“Yeah. Adam, Ellie and I will stop by.”
“No, you won’t.” I shook my head. Not after last time. And truthfully I needed some space from him.
Braden’s brow furrowed. “Why not?”
“I’ll be working. No distractions.”
“You working with Craig?”
I grimaced. “Yes.”
His grip on my waist tightened. “He kisses you and-”
“You’ll knock his teeth out.” I nodded, rolling my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I already got the macho Scotsman memo. Nothing will happen. I promise. But you’re not coming tonight.”
“Fine.” He shrugged in overly casual agreement. “Then I’ll be here when you get back.”
Okay, I almost nodded my agreement before my brain went, wait! No! No, no, no! “No!” I replied a little more loudly than I meant to.
Braden did not look amused. “Not even twenty four hours in and this arrangement is already exhausting the f**k out of me.”
“Well you’ve given me four orgasms. That oughta take it out of a guy.” I grinned saucily.
My deflection didn’t work. “I’ll be here, tonight.”
“Braden, seriously don’t. This is all really new. I need some space.”
“Babe.” He leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to my forehead and I relaxed. See, he could be agreeable and willing to compromise sometimes. “We’ve only got three months. There’s no time for space.”
Or not.
“I’ll be tired after my shift.”
“Not in the morning, you won’t be.”
“Then come over in the morning.”
With a weary sigh, Braden nodded. “Fine.” He pulled me to him, lifting me off my feet so he could give me a searing, wet kiss he knew I wouldn’t forget in a hurry. And once he’d settled me back on my dazed feet, he left the apartment without even a goodbye.
***
“Do you think I’m nuts?” I made a face, bracing myself for Dr. Pritchard’s answer.
“Because you’ve agreed to make yourself sexually available to Braden?”
“Yeah…”
“Joss, you’re a grown woman. These decisions are yours to make. Do you think you’re nuts?” She smiled softly as she asked.
I laughed humorlessly, as I thought about Braden and everything he made me feel. “I think it’s the best way to deal with the attraction between us. This way it doesn’t become a huge mess that concludes with me having to move out. Neither of us wants a relationship. We’re both consenting adults. We both know the rules. I would never agree to anything more, so it works out well. We use each other until we get bored. No hard feelings. No mess. No moving.”
“But you could have just walked away from Dublin Street. Put Braden out of your life for good rather than come to this agreement with him. Why didn’t you?”
I frowned, thinking that was obvious. “Because of Ellie. She’s my friend.”
Dr. Pritchard nodded carefully, taking this in. “So you’re willing to explore something with a man who you previously said scared you because of how he made you feel, and you’re willing to do this because of your friendship with his sister?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re willing to care about Ellie… but not about Braden?”
Wait. No. What? “That’s not…” I trailed off, feeling my chest tighten. “Ellie’s a friend. That doesn’t mean anything. I like her. I don’t want to lose her, but that doesn’t mean anything.”
Dr. Pritchard sighed, for once looking a little irritated. “You know, Joss, this process will go a lot smoother if you stop lying to yourself.”
I took a deep breath, focusing on opening my lungs up. “Okay.” I nodded. “I care about her. She’s a good friend and a good person.”
“And yet, you tell yourself all the time that you care about no one. That you will never care enough to get close.”
“It’s not like she’s my family,” I bit out, desperate to make my point, make her see how I saw things. “It’s not the same thing.”
She cocked her head to the side in the way I hated. “Are you sure about that? I think from everything you’ve told me, Ellie treats you like family.”
“You’re twisting what I said.” I shook my head, feeling that familiar headache. “I care about people. I never said I didn’t. I care about Rhian and James, and yeah I care about Ellie.”
“So why won’t you let yourself care about Braden?”
I looked at my feet. “It’s just sex,” I muttered.
“But there’s no guarantee that’s true, Joss,” Dr. Pritchard answered quietly. “No one can predict how you’ll feel about Braden by the time the three months are up. Or how he’ll feel about you. And considering you’ve told me that your feelings for Braden scare you, I suggest you think on that carefully.”
“The way I felt for him sexually scared me. It’s intense. But I can deal with it. It’s just sex,” I repeated stubbornly, and somewhere deep down, buried under all my steel, there was a voice telling me I was willingly sticking my head in the sand.