I laugh because we totally are and there’s no way to hide what we’ve been doing. Razor’s hair is tousled and his lips are swollen. He grins as he slides a finger along my neck, where there are no doubts that my skin has flushed.
“No one said we couldn’t kiss,” I say.
“True. That was not one of the rules.”
His laughter fades as he tucks my hair behind my ear, then pulls me into the shelter of his body. I lay my head on his shoulder and let one of my hands rest on his solid chest.
“I’ve missed you.” Razor nuzzles my hair, then kisses the top of my head.
“I’ve missed you, too.” I hug him tight and breathe in his scent of autumn air and leather. The smell of freedom. “We’re going to make this work, right?”
“Yes,” he says. “That’s a promise.”
RAZOR
THE FIELD FEELS lonely without Breanna, and because of that, I had promised myself I wouldn’t come unless she could join me, but I’m on a mission for someone I loved before Breanna. I have a promise to keep to Olivia.
I take off my leather gloves and stick them in my jacket and my warm breath billows out into the cold air. The trees have lost their leaves, the grass is now brown, but the memories of Breanna’s laughter, the feel of her body pressed against mine make this place as colorful as it was this fall.
My cell vibrates and I pull it out as I pause near the abandoned bridge. It’s Breanna: Am I late? My meeting ran over and then I couldn’t get a signal until I stepped outside.
Even a hundred miles away, at times, it’s like she’s beside me. Me: Just in time.
Breanna: I wish I could have met her.
Having Breanna on the other end of my cell steals away some of the ache. Me too.
Olivia would have loved her. Me: Give me a few and then I’ll video call.
Breanna: Sounds good. I love you.
I walk onto the abandoned railway bridge and peer at the bridge upstream. I haven’t been here since the day Kyle forced Breanna onto the tracks. Haven’t had the guts or the desire to. This field belonged to me and her, and the bridge Kyle dragged Breanna on and then the bridge a little farther down has affected my life in ways I’m not sure anyone can understand.
Bridges are meant to connect. They’re meant to defy drops and distances, but occasionally we lose our way...we fall off, we drive off, we consider jumping.
Mom’s bridge—I lost my way. The bridge I’m standing on—I had spiritually jumped. The bridge where I tackled Kyle—I saved myself.
The colder air carries the sound of the tractor trailers crossing over the busy state road a few miles ahead and off in the distance a train whistle blows. Six months ago, I was mourning the loss of Olivia and my mother, I never knew I’d know love and I was estranged from my club and father, if not in body, then in spirit.
Now I’ll be the best man in my father’s upcoming wedding, I’m being mentored for a future board position in the club and the girl I love includes me when she talks about her future.
I open the box in my hands and pull out the bag containing Olivia’s ashes.
Yeah, there are certain lies in life we convince ourselves we have to believe and those are the ones that lead us to self-destruction. But as we grow, as we mature, we learn how to search for the truth. We learn that our lives are not determined by fate, but by our own free will.
Olivia said I’d know what to do with her ashes when I found peace and she was right. I open the bag and let the wind carry her remains off the bridge and into the valley below. “I’ve finally learned how to let go, Olivia. I’ve finally learned how to let you and Mom go.”
When the bag is empty, when the burning in my eyes and in my throat no longer feels like it’s going to consume me, I sit and let my legs hang over the edge. A few swipes of my phone, a beeping, and the most beautiful girl in the world pops onto the screen.
“Did you do it?” she asks, and concern mars her hazel eyes. “Did you release her ashes?”
I nod. “Thanks for being here with me.”
“Anytime. Do you want to talk about her?”
I’ve done that—told Breanna stories about Olivia, but the past isn’t where I desire to be. I belong to the present and even maybe my future. “Are you still interested in those northeastern colleges?”
Breanna gathers her hair away from her face while she nods. “I’ll be home this summer.”
She’s worried about distance, but I’m not. “I talked to the board. We think it’s time the Terror and the security company expand, and those places you mentioned—New York, Massachusetts—sound like areas that need someone like me to plant a new chapter.”
She shrieks with joy. “Please tell me you aren’t kidding.”
“Never.” Breanna may never understand how much I love her. “I would never joke about something like this with you.”
Breanna blinks like she’s on the verge of tears, and hating that I can’t hold her, I press forward with conversation. “Help me narrow down the field of where the Terror are headed. I have a lot of work to do and only a few months to do it.”
She wipes her eyes, sucks in a breath and begins telling me everything she knows about the places where our future together might begin.