Carolyn’s eyes flashed. “I took you in,” she said in a hushed voice. “I slipped you passes to the dining hall. I didn’t tell Mom. What more did you want?”
Emily’s heart beat faster and faster. “I hated coming home to your room. And I was pregnant—that AeroBed was so uncomfortable.”
“You never complained,” Carolyn said exasperatedly.
“I didn’t feel like I could!” Emily exclaimed. “You made me feel so unwelcome!” Suddenly, she felt exhausted. She stood and turned toward the stairs. “Forget it. I’ll go.”
She curled her hand on the railing, fighting back tears. Just as she stomped on the first riser, Carolyn caught her arm. “Don’t, okay? You’re being silly.”
Emily’s spine stiffened. She didn’t feel silly. Five more minutes, Emily decided. If her sister continued to be bitchy, she was definitely, definitely shutting herself in her room.
She sat back down in the same chair. Carolyn sat opposite her. A few seconds passed. Pots clanked in the kitchen. Silverware banged together.
“You’re right. I just didn’t know how to handle last summer,” Carolyn finally said. “I was scared for you and the baby. I didn’t want to think of it as a baby, either. I couldn’t get attached—it just seemed too hard.”
Emily bit her lip. “Yeah, well.” It didn’t sound like that great of an excuse.
Carolyn lowered her chin. “I heard you crying in the middle of the night so many times. . . .”
Emily stared absently at the Hummel figurines her mother collected in the large curio cabinet in the corner. She remembered crying all too well. At least she’d had Derrick, her friend who worked with her at the seafood restaurant on Penn’s Landing. He’d served as sort of a substitute Carolyn.
“She’s supposed to be family,” she’d moaned to him once. “But she can’t even look at me. The other night, she was on the phone well past one thirty, with me on the floor next to her. I was so tired, and she knew it, but she didn’t hang up.”
“Why don’t you stay with me?” Derrick had offered. “I’ll crash on the couch. It’s fine.”
Emily had looked at him. Derrick was so tall that when he sat on the bench, his long limbs folded up in an awkward, insectlike way. He was looking at her intently and kindly from behind his wire-rimmed glasses.
She’d considered taking him up on his offer, but then she’d shrugged. “No. I’m probably already making your life miserable by dumping all this on you.” She’d kissed him on the cheek. “You’re sweet, though.”
Now Carolyn sighed. “The things you were dealing with were over my head.”
Emily nodded. There was no arguing that. “So why are you here now? Why didn’t you just stay away?”
Carolyn looked away. “I got a letter. I was afraid if I didn’t come home this time, it might be too late.”
A shiver danced up Emily’s spine. “What are you talking about? Who wrote you a letter?”
“I don’t know. It was just signed A Concerned Friend.” Carolyn’s throat bobbed. “It said you seemed really upset and might do something . . . irrational.” Her eyelashes fluttered fast. “I was afraid I’d never see you again.”
Emily’s skin prickled. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard the suicide rumors, but a letter seemed pretty extreme. “A lot of upsetting things have happened to me, but I’m really okay,” she assured Carolyn.
Her sister looked unconvinced. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” Emily’s throat caught, knowing she had to choose the next words very carefully. “I’d like to see the note, though. Do you still have it?”
Carolyn’s brow crinkled. “I threw it away. I couldn’t stand it being in my room.”
“Was it handwritten? Did it have a postmark?”
“No, it was typed. I don’t remember where it was mailed from.” Carolyn gazed at her curiously. “Do you know who might have written it?”
Emily ran her tongue over her teeth. A Concerned Friend. Ali? Her helper? Who else could it be?
Mrs. Fields popped her head into the hall. “Dinner’s ready!” she crowed.
Emily and Carolyn turned toward the kitchen. Emily’s heart was still banging from the argument, but at least it was all finally out in the open. She snuck a look at Carolyn as they walked into the hall. Carolyn shot her a small, tentative smile. When Emily moved toward her and spread out her arms for a hug, Carolyn didn’t dart away. The hug was kind of stiff and awkward, but it felt like a step in the right direction.
Mrs. Fields passed around plates. Then, something out the window caught Emily’s eye. The black SUV was parked alongside the curb. Clarence sat in the front seat, reading the newspaper. A car drove past, and he lowered the paper and stared hard at it until it rounded the bend.
None of Emily’s family noticed it there. They would, eventually—Emily would have to tell Clarence to park in a more secluded location. But for now, she appreciated his close range. Stay out, Clarence was telling Ali, who was surely watching. From now on, she’s off-limits.
That felt like a step in the right direction, too.
10
A BRAND-NEW DAY
When the squad car pulled up to Aria’s mother’s house, the mowing service was just finishing up. Two brawny, college-age boys loaded the lawn mowers onto the trailer behind their truck. The boys waved to Aria like it was completely normal that she was getting out of a police car on a Tuesday evening.