“Merry Christmas,” Damien says, and I realize that it’s just past midnight. He kisses me softly, and I snuggle close.
“I should probably clean up the kitchen,” I say, though the thought of moving doesn’t appeal at all. “Ronnie’s going to be up at dawn.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Damien says.
“Yeah? That’s reason four-thousand and thirty-three why I love you.”
Across the room, Jackson gently picks up Sylvia. “Give me a second to get her in bed, and I’ll help you before I put the presents under the tree.”
Once they’re gone, I glance at Ollie. “How about you? Heading to bed? Scrubbing the kitchen?”
“I was thinking about getting some air,” he says with a nod toward the glass doors that open onto the huge balcony. “It’s a clear night. I bet we can see a blanket of stars out here.”
“The nights here are incredible,” I agree. “Especially after living in Dallas and Los Angeles.”
“And Manhattan,” Ollie adds.
I nod. Ollie was my neighbor in Dallas growing up. He’s lived there and in Los Angeles and in New York. Like me, Ollie didn’t grow up under a blanket of stars. “Come on,” I say, sliding off the couch and grabbing a fleece blanket to wrap around my shoulders. “Maybe we’ll see Santa’s sleigh crossing over the moon.”
I follow him out onto the balcony and breathe in the crisp night air. The temperature has dropped, and I wrap the blanket tighter around my shoulders as I lean my head back and look up at the night sky to see the stars flickering like Frank Capra’s angels looking down on us.
“You want to tell me what’s wrong?”
I look over at Ollie to see that he’s focused on me, not the stars, and there’s no ignoring the concern on his face. “Nothing’s wrong,” I say, which is sort of the truth and sort of a lie.
“Seriously, Nikki? I know I’ve fucked some shit up, but I thought we’d gotten past it.”
“We have,” I say, and I mean it. Orlando McKee and I were practically inseparable until his parents shipped him off to boarding school when he was twelve. We’ve always had a bond—a connection—and for years he and Jamie were the only ones who knew about the demons in my past. About my sister, my mother. About my fears and my nightmares.
About my cutting.
Yes, he’d butted heads with Damien, but I also know that everything he’s done has been because he cares about me. Thankfully, Damien knows that, too, and they’ve reached a detente. They’re never going to be best buds, but at least now they get along.
I think Ollie’s grown up a bit in the last few years, too. Even his appearance has changed. He cut the long hair he wore for years, so now he has a short style that he wears with a hint of beard on his chin. And now that he’s replaced his glasses with contacts, he has a confident-yet-dreamy look about him. Before, he looked like the lawyer who hides in the back and does research. Now, he looks like a man who can command a courtroom.
Honestly, I like the change, even though at the moment I’m thinking those newly revealed eyes are seeing just a little too much.
He sighs. “Look, if it’s none of my business, just say so. But if you need an ear, I’m here.”
“I know. Of course I know that. And it’s really not a big deal.”
He points a finger at me. “Aha! I knew it wasn’t nothing.”
I smirk. “It’s just—oh, hell. Have you ever wondered what would happen if you’d made different choices?”
I see genuine worry on his face. “You and Damien aren’t having problems—”
“No!” The answer is fast and honest. “But, wow, you sound really worried.”
He doesn’t pretend to misunderstand. “There was a time that you and Damien on the outs would have had me opening champagne and singing a jaunty tune. But not anymore. You guys are good together.”
“Took you long enough.”
He laughs. “I can be slow on the uptake. Like now, for example. If it’s not Damien—”
“It is,” I say. “But not like you mean. It’s just that he bought my office condo. The one I’ve been saving for. He just wrote a check and, poof, it’s mine.”
“That unspeakable bastard.” His voice—and his expression—are deadpan.
I grimace. “So I’m overreacting?”
He rubs his fingers through his hair and turns to look out over the lake that sparkles in the moonlight. “Oh, hell, Nik, I don’t know. You wanted to do it on your own, I get that. But you’re not on your own anymore. You’re with Damien. Really with him. And no matter what I might have thought at first, that’s not a bad thing.”
“It’s a wonderful thing,” I agree.
“But would you have made it without him? This business you’ve got going despite the fact that most small businesses fail. Would you be turning a profit? Would you be so flush that you could even consider buying your own office space?”
“Exactly.” This is the friend that I’ve missed. The guy I can talk to. Who has known me forever. Who gets me like Jamie does. And, yes, even a bit like Damien does. Or, rather, usually does.
I think of George Bailey and the movie we just watched. “It would be nice to know. To get a glimpse of what it would have been like.”
“I get that. I mean, I’ll never know if Courtney would have stuck with me if I hadn’t fucked around with Jamie. Or how my life would have been different if I’d stayed in New York, or if I’d never left LA after law school. We all pick paths, Nikki. And that’s the thing about life. You can’t unpick it.” His smile is a little sad, a little boyish. “For what it’s worth, I think you would have kicked butt in business, even without Damien.”