“I had only one thought,” he whispered. “To find him and give him back as good as he gave.” He cleared his throat, his face turning hard. “They call it bloodlust. Maybe it was, because once I got ahold of him, I couldn’t stop. A colleague, a friend of mine, he followed me. Dragged me off.” Logan glared at me now. “I put Shannon’s boyfriend in a coma. What kind of man does that make me, Grace? Fit to be a father?”
I had a feeling he wanted me to be outraged. Disgusted. Take Maia away. Seeing him so raw, so exposed, and so ashamed of himself was too much. I didn’t want him to feel that way about himself. And so I sought to help in any way I could.
A story I had told no one, not even Aidan, came to mind, and I found myself telling it to Logan. “When I was fifteen I woke up one evening and there was a boy in bed with me. He had his hands on me, touching me. I fought him off, hearing laughter around me, and when I managed to get away from the boy, to get out of the bed, I discovered my brother, Sebastian, and a few of his drunken friends in my room. He’d brought them into my room to deliberately do that to me. My parents weren’t home.” I looked at my lap, trying to hold back the tears. I hadn’t realized how painful it would be to say the words out loud. “I ran out of the room and locked myself in my bathroom, and I could hear them laughing the whole time. The one who had touched me, I knew him. He was my brother’s best friend. He stood outside the bathroom and taunted me until my brother got bored and pulled him away. I was terrified.” I forced myself to look at Logan, and he was staring at me, incredulous, outraged. “Sebastian did things like that all the time. He thought it was a game. We’re both lucky he didn’t get me raped.” I stared solemnly into Logan’s eyes, hoping the point I was trying to make would have an impact. “Life is shades of gray, Logan. I don’t know if what you did was wrong. The law says it is, but I just think you were acting on an instinct that most people have. If I could choose between how Sebastian acted or how you acted, I’d choose your actions. That’s all I know.”
“Jesus, fuck, Grace,” he said hoarsely.
“I know good and bad, Logan, trust me. And deep down you do too. And you know you’re a good man. You know it. And I’m not going to tell you any different.” I brushed impatiently at a tear. “We both know Maia deserves you. You deserve her.”
My heart leapt into my throat as I was abruptly pulled across the passenger seat and into Logan’s arms. He wrapped his hand around my nape and pressed my head into the crook of his neck, while his other arm fastened tight around my back. I had no choice but to slide my arms around him and hold on.
I let his solid, secure warmth rush over me.
I breathed him in.
And I wished that this moment didn’t feel as perfect as it did.
CHAPTER 10
As I stepped out of my flat I realized I was relaxed for the first time in what felt like forever. I was going to meet up with Aidan, Juno, and Chloe for a coffee before starting my work for the day.
Maia was at school.
Her first day of school.
Thankfully, her time off school ran at the same time as Edinburgh’s Easter break, so it didn’t even really feel like she’d missed out on much. She was starting a new school in the last term of the year, which was a little awkward, but there was nothing that could be done about that.
Logan hadn’t wasted any time in arranging Maia’s new life here with him. He got her transferred to Muirhead High School, which was a twenty-minute walk through the Meadows and into Viewforth. Logan had dropped her off this morning, but she had been quite insistent that she walk home alone and that she would walk to school by herself every morning thereafter. Her father was not happy about this. I think he kept forgetting she was fifteen years old and used to taking care of herself. I’d tried to tell him that, but he’d just grunted at me and led Maia down the stairs and out of the building.
Although he and I had spent quite some time together these last few days with Maia, the closeness we’d experienced in his car seemed like a distant memory. I got the feeling Logan was uncomfortable with what we had shared with each other. Perhaps he felt strange about letting me see him so vulnerable, or perhaps it was because I’d let him see me so vulnerable. I could go over and over it in my head, and I could let myself get embarrassed for giving him a piece of myself I hadn’t given to anyone, but I wasn’t going to let myself go through that. If Logan wanted to be macho and weird about the whole thing, then I’d let him. I wasn’t going to drive myself crazy overthinking it.
The truth was Maia was a big distraction from the “car moment.” Her moods were all over the place. She’d go from being excited, happy¸ and filled with anticipation, to worried, anxious, and locking herself in her room to cry. I guessed it was partly caused by the fact that she was a teenager, a girl (and on her period), but I knew it was also hugely to do with the fact that her mother had given her away without a fight. She confided in me a little of what life was like with Maryanne. Maia had practically raised herself, from taking herself to the opticians when she realized her eyesight was worsening, to stealing money out of her mother’s purse to pay for school clothes, shoes, and food. The new transition was forcing her to deal with her memories, and thus her emotions were heightened.
Maia’s moods were infectious, and so I was absolutely exhausted.
As much as I enjoyed being a part of this new chapter in Maia’s life and getting to know her, I was looking forward to the normality of having a cup of coffee with friends and then catching up on my work. In fact, I was more than a little behind.