I wish Dr. Greene a polite goodbye and head in a daze back down to the exit and out into the cool fall afternoon. I'm gripped suddenly by a creeping cold and deep sense of foreboding. Christian is going to freak, I know, but how much and how far, I have no idea. His words haunt me. "I'm not ready to share you yet." I pull my jacket tighter around me, trying to shake off the cold.
Sawyer leaps out of the SUV and holds open the door. He frowns when he sees my face, but I ignore his concerned expression.
"Where to, Mrs. Grey?" he asks gently.
"SIP." I nestle into the back of the car, closing my eyes and resting my head on the back seat. I should be happy. I know I should be happy. But I'm not. This is too early. Far too early. What about my job? What about SIP? What about Christian and me? No. No. No. We'll be fine. He'll be fine. He loved baby Mia - I remember Carrick telling me - he dotes on her now. Perhaps I should warn Flynn . . . Perhaps I shouldn't tell Christian. Perhaps I . . . perhaps I should end this. I halt my thoughts on that dark path, alarmed at the direction they're taking. Instinctively my hand sweeps down to rest protectively over my belly. No. My little Blip. Tears spring to my eyes. What am I going to do?
A vision of a little boy with copper-colored hair and bright gray eyes, running through the meadow at the new house invades my thoughts, teasing and tantalizing me with possibilities. He's giggling and squealing with delight as Christian and I chase him. Christian swings him high in his arms and carries him on his hip as we walk hand in hand back to the house.
My vision morphs into Christian turning away from me in disgust. I'm fat and awkward, heavy with child. He paces the long hall of mirrors, away from me, the sound of his footsteps echoing off the silvered glass, walls, and floor. Christian . . . I jerk awake. No. He's going to freak out.
When Sawyer pulls up outside SIP, I leap out and head into the building.
"Ana, great to see you. How's your dad?" Hannah asks as soon as I reach my office. I regard her coolly.
"He's better, thank you. Can I see you in my office?"
"Sure." She looks surprised as she follows me in. "Is everything okay?"
"I need to know if you've moved or cancelled any appointments with Dr. Greene."
"Dr. Greene? Yes, I have. About two or three of them. Mostly because you were in other meetings or overrunning. Why?"
Because now I'm f**king pregnant! I scream at her in my head. I take a deep, steadying breath. "If you move any appointments, will you make sure I know? I don't always check my calendar."
"Sure," Hannah says quietly. "I'm sorry. Have I done something wrong?"
I shake my head and sigh loudly. "Can you make me some tea?
Then let's discuss what's been happening while I've been away."
"Sure. I'll jump to it." Brightening, she heads out of the office. I gaze after her departing figure. "You see that woman?" I talk quietly to the Blip. "She's the reason you're here." I pat my belly then feel like a complete idiot, because I am talking to the blip. My tiny little Blip. I shake my head, exasperated at myself and at Hannah . . . though deep down I know I can't really blame Hannah. Despondently I switch on my computer. There's an e-mail from Christian.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Missing you
Date: September 13, 2011 13:58
To: Anastasia Grey
Mrs. Grey
I've been back in the office for only three hours, and I'm missing you already.
Hope Ray has settled in okay at the Northwest. Mom is going to see him this afternoon and check up on him.
I'l col ect you around six this evening, and we can go and see him before heading home.
Sound good?
Your loving husband
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I type a quick response.
From: Anastasia Grey
Subject: Missing you
Date: September 13, 2011 14:10
To: Christian Grey
Sure.
x
Anastasia Grey
Commissioning Editor, SIP
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Missing you
Date: September 13, 2011 14:14
To: Anastasia Grey
Are you okay?
Christian Grey
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
No, Christian, I'm not. I'm freaking out about you freaking out. I don't know what to do. But I am not going to tell you via e-mail.
From: Anastasia Grey
Subject: Missing you
Date: September 13, 2011 14:17
To: Christian Grey
Fine. Just busy.
See you at six.
x
Anastasia Grey
Commissioning Editor, SIP
When will I tell him? Tonight? Maybe after sex? Maybe during sex. No, that might be dangerous for both of us. When he's asleep? I put my head in my hands. What the hell am I going to do?
"Hi," Christian says warily as I climb into the SUV.
"Hi," I murmur.
"What's wrong?" He frowns. I shake my head as Taylor sets off toward the hospital.
"Nothing." Maybe now? I could tell him now when we're in a contained space and Taylor is with us.
"Is work all right?" Christian continues to probe.
"Yes. Fine. Thanks."
"Ana, what's wrong?" His tone is a little more forceful. I chicken out.
"I've just missed you, that's all. And I've been worried about Ray."
Christian visibly relaxes. "Ray's good. I spoke to Mom this afternoon and she's impressed with his progress." Reaching across, Christian grasps my hand. "Boy, your hand is cold. Have you eaten today?"
I blush.
"Ana," Christian scolds me, annoyed.
Well, I haven't eaten because I know you're going to go bat-shit crazy when I tell you I'm pregnant.