I grimaced, feeling unsure all of a sudden. I’d been holding on to Hannah’s assessment of Cole’s character, using it to assure myself that we’d move on like nothing had ever happened. “Does that mean you accept my apology?”
He stared at me a second and I think he did it to make me squirm. It worked. He finished off, however, with a nod. “Of course. Thanks for the coffee.”
His response was mature; it was what I thought I wanted, but I walked out of his room weighed down with disappointment. He’d accepted my apology with all the warmth of a wet bath towel.
Muttering under my breath, I berated myself. I did have only myself to blame if Cole wasn’t really feeling all that friendly toward the woman who completely annihilated his character without an ounce of proof to back up said annihilation.
“Making nice with the boss?”
I let out a startled squeak and spun around to find Rae mere inches from me. “Jesus!”
Rae laughed and pushed me gently down the hallway and into the main studio away from Cole’s ears.
“I take it you were listening?” I glowered at her as I headed toward my desk.
“Of course.”
“You are a nosy pain in the arse.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a horrible flatmate. Now fucking spill.”
I lowered my voice. “Hannah informed me that I had the wrong impression about Cole. She told me he isn’t a player or a bad boy after all.”
“Took you long enough.”
“You could have told me.”
“And where is the fun in that, pray tell?”
I was not amused. “You know, there are times when you’re a bitch and then other times when you are a bitch.”
Rae sighed in exasperation. “Look, you need to learn how not to bring your past into your present. It’s a lesson I had to learn on my own, and having someone baby you through that isn’t going to teach you what you really need to discover for yourself. If you fuck this up—whatever this is with Cole—you’ll learn never to do it again. But I’m hoping there is a better lesson here.”
“And what’s that?”
“Someone tried to take something from you. You didn’t let them. Why start now? Especially when it comes to the things you want, and the things you need.” She smacked her hand down on the counter with an abruptness that startled me. “Enough of this Miyagi crap. Point is, fight for what you want, and while you’re doing that I’d like an egg mayo sandwich without that fucking cress shit on it this time.”
I tried to keep up with the change in subject. “It’s three hours until your lunch break.”
“I’m hungry now and I’ve got a client in fifteen.”
“I get lunch for everyone at the same time. I’m not a gofer. I’m a receptionist.”
She eyed me carefully. “Sometimes your tiny height is deceiving.” And on that weird comment, Rae strode outside. I assumed in search of a sandwich.
CHAPTER 9
I n high school I took art class every year, and a lot of still-life drawing is involved in the Scottish curriculum. Luckily for me I liked those classes, yet there were moments when I’d be sketching a flower or flowers stuck inside a skull, or a stuffed animal, or even a person in life drawing class, when I’d step back from my work and to my disappointment I’d see that it wasn’t quite right. There was something lacking, something that was stopping it from being brought to life.
If it was a sketch of a person, my problem was usually in the hands. Hands were so difficult to draw and it took me forever to get them right. There were times I just couldn’t manage it, and every time I stepped back from the sketch it fell short because of the bloody hands.
That was a little how I felt about my interaction with Cole.
Things were definitely better between us, but it was just sort of friendly on his part. For some reason his attitude completely threw me off balance. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, which I knew was ridiculous because it wasn’t as though I wanted to be in a relationship with him. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. My life here had just started and I didn’t need another man screwing up this new start.
That didn’t mean I could switch off whatever I was feeling about Cole. I went for drinks with him, Rae, the twins, Karen, Simon, and Tony and it was a really good laugh. Part of me sat there grateful that in just a few short weeks Rae had helped me build a life, with good friends and good times that helped me ignore the bloody awfulness of what I’d left behind in Glasgow. However, there was this other part of me that would glimpse Cole out of the corner of my eye, stealing glances whenever I could, and I’d feel this disappointment in my gut that all the joking and closeness he shared with the others he didn’t try to share with me.
The only thing that could take my mind off my complicated feelings was my newfound love for painting. Somehow I’d managed to keep my artwork a secret from Rae by either working outside the flat or waiting until she was occupied elsewhere. I was already working on my second landscape after having completed the one of Edinburgh at night. I knew it was probably far from the quality of professional artists, but I actually loved it. After experimenting I found I was most comfortable with broad brushstrokes and a minimal approach. I loved how this gave the cityscape energy and movement. I was hooked. I couldn’t wait for my holidays off work. I was planning on booking a last-minute budget break somewhere like Italy or Budapest or Prague—somewhere exciting where I could set myself up on a riverbank, or a café, anywhere I could just relax and draw and forget about every single thing that worried me, including Cole Walker.