But who better to ask than Travis? The man knew exactly what Ethan was going through.
“How’re things at the shop?” Travis asked, obviously trying to make casual conversation.
“Don’t know. Haven’t been back since earlier in the week. I doubt much has changed, so that means it’s all good.”
Travis lifted one dark eyebrow and Ethan found himself explaining. “I went out of town for a couple of days. Took Beau down to Houston to get a tattoo.”
“How’d that go?”
“He didn’t get the tattoo.”
Travis laughed. “He chicken out?”
Ethan got defensive of Beau instantly but fought the automatic response. “No. The guy we went to see had a family emergency. Said he’d be up this way next week and would catch up with us then.”
“Gotcha. The big guy doesn’t seem like the type to be scared of a little needle.”
No, it didn’t seem like anything scared Beau. Nothing at all.
“Hey Trav,” Ethan found himself saying, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” Travis answered, his stare suddenly filled with warmth and concern.
Awww, hell. Why couldn’t Travis be the uptight dickhead he used to be? Then maybe Ethan wouldn’t be so compelled to talk to him.
Ethan swallowed hard, glanced down at his hands and then back over at Travis.
“Was it hard for you to accept what you felt for Gage?”
To Ethan’s surprise, Travis didn’t laugh, didn’t poke fun at him, and he didn’t act as though the question was so far out of left field that he’d been blindsided with it.
“Is anything easy?”
Great. This was how they were going to play it.
Ethan considered that for a moment and responded with a resounding, “No.”
“I won’t say I had a hard time, E. I think Gage did, so maybe you should ask him that question.”
Right. Like that was going to happen. Of all the things Ethan might ask his brother-in-law, it certainly wouldn’t be about relationships.
“Talk to me, E,” Travis encouraged and Ethan realized he’d been sitting there quietly for long minutes.
“There’s nothing to say,” he answered defensively.
“No? You ask me whether it was difficult for me to accept my feelings for Gage, but you want to tell me there’s nothing to say. Right.”
“What?” Ethan asked, remembering to keep his voice low because Mason was asleep just a few feet away.
“We’ve all got secrets, E. I’m the absolute last person who would judge you. Consider that for a minute.”
Ethan did. He knew Travis would understand how he felt about Beau. He just wasn’t sure he knew how to talk about it.
After years of keeping his personal business to himself, talking to anyone was almost painful. How he had managed to share with Beau he had no idea, except it just felt right to talk to him. Not like he was baring his soul and someone was ready to tell him where he went wrong. Or what he should do differently. With Beau, Ethan knew he would listen without judging.
He knew that was the case with Travis too, but Ethan was hesitant. If he opened up to one member of his family, would he have to tell them all? He didn’t like the idea of them having to defend him to anyone, much less the people they called friends who would no doubt look down on Ethan.
“Ok, I’m gonna ask you a question,” Travis said, that ever familiar frustration seeping back into his voice.
Ethan waited, knowing his brother wouldn’t shut up, even if he told him to.
“Do you think we don’t know?”
“Know what?” Ethan asked, choosing to play dumb.
“That you’re gay, E. Do you think it’s not as obvious as the day is long? You’re twenty-eight fucking years old, and you’ve never had a girlfriend. You’ve never let us meet anyone except that jackass Blake, and even then you tried to convince us he was just a friend.”
Ethan expected to be filled with rage, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t mad at Travis for calling him to the carpet. He just felt defeated.
“Do you love him, E?”
Ethan didn’t play dumb this time. Travis knew. They all knew. He’d never thought they didn’t know that he wasn’t the same as they were, but he respected the fact that they didn’t ask him about it. He didn’t want to share, didn’t want to put that burden on them.
“Yeah, I love him,” he answered honestly. Looking up and meeting Travis’ steely gaze was harder than he expected, but he did it and then he repeated with more affirmation in his voice. “Yes. I love him.”