The shocked look on Beau’s face had Ethan wondering whether…
“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Ethan exclaimed as he shoved back from the table in a rapid attempt to get to his feet. Catching himself before he nearly stumbled to the floor, Ethan began backing up as though Beau was actually coming at him. “You fucked my brother.”
In true Beau fashion, he didn’t budge from his chair, but he pushed his plate away. “I haven’t fucked your brother.”
Ethan didn’t believe him for one second. “No?”
Beau twisted sideways in his chair to face Ethan more fully. “No, I have not fucked your brother.”
Ethan watched him, noticing the way his eyes shifted away from his face briefly. Beau might not be lying, but he was hiding something. For the life of him, Ethan didn’t know what that could possibly be… then it dawned on him. “But he fucked you.”
Beau didn’t say a word and the idea of Beau and Zane together suddenly made Ethan nauseous. Grabbing his plate off of the table, Ethan hurried out of the room. Tossing the uneaten sandwich in the trash, he headed to the sink, his stomach suddenly churning. Turning on the water, he rinsed the plate and stared blankly into the stainless steel bowl, his hands shaking.
He was fucking shaking.
Why?
Why the hell did he care who Beau had been with in the past? It wasn’t like they had anything serious going here.
“It didn’t happen the way you think it did,” Beau said softly, his voice sounding much too close.
Before Ethan could escape, he found himself pressed between the counter’s edge and Beau’s hulking body. His breath hitched in his chest, and he gripped the edge of the counter until his knuckles turned white.
“It doesn’t matter how it happened,” Ethan stated firmly, his voice hard and cold but lacking the conviction he knew it should have.
“It does matter.” Beau set his plate on the counter and then took Ethan by the shoulders, turning him to face him.
Ethan forced his eyes closed, unable to look at Beau. Here he was, contemplating sleeping with this guy. The same guy who’d been with his very non-gay brother. He couldn’t even process how it might’ve happened and the more he thought about it, the worse he felt.
“Look at me, E.”
Ethan shook his head, unable to force his eyes open.
When Beau’s hands came up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw, he was tempted to cave. To give in to this man’s touch. God, how long had he wanted Beau? And now he had that opportunity, but he couldn’t even bring himself to look at him.
“Open your eyes,” Beau whispered, his voice sounding tortured.
Ethan opened his eyes, peering directly into Beau’s beautiful brown gaze.
“I swear to you,” Beau said, his voice soft and deep, “it isn’t what you think.” Beau paused, his thumbs continuing to brush along the underside of Ethan’s jaw. “You’re right. I’ve spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was. I always managed to pretend I was interested in women. And you might find this hard to believe, but I’ve never had sex with a woman one-on-one. It’s always been…”
Ethan searched Beau’s face, listening as his sentence trailed off. It didn’t take long before he could fill in the blank. “Only when Zane was there.”
Beau nodded, but he didn’t move away. Ethan could see the pain etched across his brow, in the gentle creases at the corners of his eyes. Studying him, Ethan let himself get lost in the warmth of Beau’s hands on his face.
“You love him?” Ethan asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer to that question.
“Yes,” Beau answered, quickly adding, “But not in the way you’re thinking.”
For some strange reason, Ethan believed him. At least Beau hadn’t tried to deny he had feelings for Zane. He wouldn’t have believed him if he did because Zane and Beau had been friends for most of their lives.
“I was confused, and I was definitely fooling myself. Being with Zane helped me to realize a vital piece of information about myself.”
Ethan kept his mouth closed, wanting Beau to open up to him, but not necessarily wanting to hear the details.
“Zane fulfilled a physical need. One that seemed important at the time. But he didn’t satisfy the emotional one.”
“And you think I will?” Ethan asked defensively.
He didn’t want Beau to make this more than it was. It was one thing to give in to the attraction, to finally succumb to the chronic ache that drove him batshit crazy whenever he thought about Beau. But it was entirely different for Beau to want more from him.