But now…
Now they definitely weren’t, and it hurt to even think about it. Despite her failed efforts to convince herself that casual sex with Luke and Cole was better than no sex, Sierra knew she wasn’t programmed that way.
Somehow, probably thanks more to Cole than anyone, Sierra managed to hold herself together for the rest of the weekend. He made going through the motions bearable. And when he stayed the last night with her, Cole managed to take her mind off of Luke completely. After hanging out at the Blackjack table for a couple of hours, then catching a late dinner, the two of them had retired to her room where they ended up ravishing one another numerous times on Saturday night, both of them realizing it could very well be the last time.
Her biggest fear? That her heart was already as attached to Cole as it was to Luke. On the other hand, no matter how amazing sex with Cole was, Sierra suspected they were both trying to find comfort in one another, a desperate attempt to compensate for the devastation that was Luke McCoy.
Her mother had realized something was wrong right away, but Sierra brushed her off when they came face to face at the convention center. She couldn’t talk about it, mainly because she didn’t know what had happened herself. The facts were clear, but Luke’s reason for running wasn’t. Unless it was because he was scared of what was happening between them.
Although she wasn’t the type to use sex as consolation, Sierra wasn’t so sure Cole didn’t see her as a stand in for Luke. He hadn’t given her any impressions that he was using her, but neither of them had spoken about Luke or of what had happened. Instead, they had consumed one another. Yet afterward, hidden by the dark shadows of night, Sierra’s mind had drifted to Luke numerous times.
The situation was unfamiliar. She had never been with another man other than her husband, yet she had been with two different ones in the span of just a few days. Initially, being with both of them seemed almost normal. But when Luke walked away, leaving her and Cole alone, she couldn’t help but feel as though a part of her was missing. Though she doubted he had even cared.
The one thing she refused to do was to settle. Not that she considered Cole a consolation prize by any means. He was so much more than that. She had begun to care about him, but she knew in her heart of hearts, things weren’t going to get any easier between them. The best thing for her to do would be to back off of both of them, no matter how much it hurt. In the end, the pain would be less than the total agony she would feel if she allowed something to develop that wasn’t based on true feelings.
Now the only thing left to do was to get back in the swing of things.
Her first networking gig was behind her, and she had a business to get up and running. In addition, her little rental house needed a little TLC. She hadn’t been able to part with her house in Nashville, the one she inherited from her grandmother, partly because she wasn’t particularly versed in dealing with ambiguity. Moving to Dallas was probably the biggest decision of her life, so not selling allowed her to keep the comfort of home within arm’s reach.
So instead of selling, she rented her Nashville house out, knowing that if it came down to it, she had a place to go back to. At this point, she wasn’t quite ready to put down permanent roots in Texas, which left her with a rental that she needed to make as comfortable as possible for as long as necessary.
Until she was ready to commit to staying in Dallas, she would give it her all. There were so many things that needed to fall into place before she would concede to staying – getting her business up and running, getting a feel for the lay of the land, and above all else, convincing herself that Dallas was home.
The ringing of her cell phone jarred her from her thoughts as she walked from room to room wondering how she could make the place feel just a little homier. Furniture would likely help.
“Hi Mom.” Sierra cheerfully greeted her mother. They hadn’t shared the same flight out because Veronica opted to go back on Saturday morning with Xavier while Sierra stayed until the end of the conference.
“You make it back alright?” Veronica asked, sounding a little worried.
“I did. I just got home a few minutes ago.”
“What happened to Luke? Xavier said he had an emergency and had to get back home before the conference was over.”
Emergency? She doubted that being a coward would constitute an emergency, but if it made Luke feel better, who was she to say anything different.
Nonetheless, Sierra felt the all too familiar ache at the mention of Luke’s name, but she did her best to hide it. “I’m not sure. Cole said he had something to take care of.” That wasn’t exactly a lie, but Sierra definitely wasn’t going into further detail. Not with her mother anyway.