“Ever wonder how I feel?” Luke asked, and Cole couldn’t hide his own surprise.
“Did it ever cross your mind that I’m the one everyone seems to come to when they have a problem? I’m the one everyone expects to take charge and make things right. Did it?”
Cole couldn’t answer. Luke was right. Most people did go to him when they needed something. As much as he tried to handle things on the home front when Sierra needed something, or Hannah, Cole knew that wasn’t the case with most people. Luke was the one who had to make the final decision on the club, taking the weight of it with him and dealing directly with the aftermath ever since.
Luke’s gaze locked with his and he waited.
“Have you ever thought that, at some point, I want to give up control? That I’d prefer to have someone else take care of me for a change?”
Cole wasn’t sure what Luke was getting at. He heard the words, but he didn’t understand. It wasn’t like Cole could step in and handle the club. Luke wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t like…
Cole’s breath caught in his chest.
“That’s right,” Luke said as he moved closer, obviously noticing the second Cole understood what he was saying.
When their bodies aligned once again, Cole didn’t try to move, he didn’t put up his defenses either. He stood his ground, but allowed Luke to get as close as he wanted. Aside from their chests touching, nothing else on their bodies did.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it, Cole. Thought about handing all control over to you. And I’m not just referring to the club, although you’re the only person in the world I would trust to handle it. I’m tired of handling it all. Tired of making the decisions, being in control. I want someone to lean on. I want to lean on you.” Luke’s voice trailed off before he penetrated Cole with his eyes once more. “I want to let you take what you want from me. Except that’s not what you want, is it? You need me to be in control, just like everyone else does, but you need it differently.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Cole whispered.
“Am I?” Luke leaned in closer, his mouth just a breath away. “Is it my imagination that you love to feel the connection between us when I’m inside you? Did I just dream up that you need me to force you because it’s your opportunity to leave the decision making to someone else? To know that you don’t have to figure out how to fix something?”
Cole couldn’t answer because Luke was right. Everything he said was the absolute truth. Except there was more, more than Luke was willing to admit.
“We’ve come to a stalemate,” Luke stated, not moving away. “From what it sounds like, we’re both looking for something that we aren’t getting. And this time, it’s between the two of us, only we haven’t owned up to it.”
The pain that lanced through Cole’s chest at the thought of what Luke was saying nearly brought him to his knees. He did need more, but he needed more from Luke. He needed to feel like he wasn’t second fiddle, needed Sierra to trust him as much as she trusted Luke to handle the difficult things. Most importantly, he needed this man to let him in, let him take care of him for once.
“Running doesn’t solve that problem, Cole.”
He wasn’t about to disagree. “Where does that leave us?” Cole asked through the painful lump in his throat, the one threatening to choke him.
~~*~~
“It leaves us here to figure this out,” Luke said, his heart pounding painfully against his ribs. “I want more, Cole. But I don’t want anyone else. You and Sierra are all I need. I’ve always known that. Maybe I don’t know how to express it.” Taking one step back, Luke put some distance between them before he did what he wanted and slammed his mouth down on Cole’s and got lost in what his body had to offer rather than talking about this.
Talking wasn’t his thing. Neither was it Cole’s and look where it had gotten them.
“Do you know how hard it was for me the day Hannah was born?” he asked, turning away so Cole couldn’t see the emotion he couldn’t seem to get a grip on. He wasn’t going to cry.
“I thought about it,” Cole admitted.
“She’s your daughter, Cole. You and Sierra created that child, and I love her with every single fiber in my body just like she were mine. That doesn’t make it so. That doesn’t mean she can’t be taken away from me if the three of us don’t…” He couldn’t finish the statement. Luke didn’t even want to consider life without Sierra and Cole in it.