That had been the last day I’d ever gone into the club. I moved into a new apartment and took the job at The Sky Launch. I’d darkened my hair a shade. I’d done everything I could to hide from my father.
I guess I really was someone who ran from hard things.
And now when I looked back, I was ashamed. I’d been a coward, living in fear. In the year since, no one had heard from my father again. He hadn’t tried to approach Norma. He hadn’t returned to the Eighty-Eighth Floor. He’d skipped out on his parole and disappeared, probably too drugged up to remember he had any children, let alone that he’d wanted something from one of them. If he was even still alive.
“Nah,” Matt said with a shake of his head. “That wasn’t something that I’d expect to come up in day-to-day conversation either. I’m just trying to say that I understand you.”
I nodded. Because, yeah. I understood him too.
“Look.” Matt stuffed his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. “I wish I could say that Corinne would have liked you, but she probably wouldn’t have. She was a tough woman, that one. Not always easy to get along with. So, I don’t know—she might have liked you, she might have not.”
“Okay.” I know I sounded confused. I was confused. It was an odd thing to say to someone, and I wasn’t sure where he was going with it.
“But even if she didn’t like you, Gwen, she would have liked what you are.”
My brow furrowed. “And what is that, exactly?”
He smiled as if the answer was obvious. “You’re the one who put him back together.”
“I…I’m…I don’t…” I knew the “him” that he meant was JC. But I didn’t think he was right, and I had no idea how he knew about my past with JC in the first place. Had I been important enough for him to mention me to Matt? And when? He hadn’t been allowed any outside communication while he’d been in hiding, so when had he even had a chance to tell Matt anything?
“Sorry. It’s not my place,” he said, obviously recognizing my discomfort. “I should get back in there. Are you coming?”
I couldn’t. There was no way. Whatever he thought I’d done, he was wrong. JC had never felt for me what he’d felt for Matt’s daughter. I’d seen how wrecked he was on that stand. There was no competition. I wasn’t even playing the same game.
“I loved her. And now I love you.”
God, I wanted to believe that. But now, so long after, they just felt like words.
“No pressure,” Matt said when I still hadn’t answered. “I wouldn’t be in there if I didn’t have to be. This trial has forced us to relive a lot of emotion and drama from the past.”
“I’m sure it’s unbelievably difficult.” I felt like such an asshole. My feelings were so insignificant compared to what he must be feeling. What JC must be feeling.
“It is. But, this is closure. We’ve gone on since then, and this gives us a chance to feel like that’s all right.” He squeezed my hand. “Good to see you. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”
He meant that he was sure he’d see me because of JC. I read it in his eyes, heard it in his voice. And I got it, I really did. He cared for this man like a son. He’d said it himself. He wanted to see JC’s life go on.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t know if that was possible.
***
It was a little after noon when I got back to my apartment, and all I wanted to do was fall into my bed and sleep for a thousand years.
I was planning to do just that until I found Chandler waiting by my door. I should have expected him. I’d ignored a message that morning and had turned my phone on in the cab to find two more waiting. I didn’t want to deal with him now, but I owed him some kind of explanation after my behavior the night before.
“Can we talk?” He looked so sweet and boyish despite wearing a suit and tie. He wasn’t taking any classes during the summer and Hudson had brought him in to work at Pierce Industries. Chandler wore business clothes well, but he’d never wear them unless he had to. He must have skipped his lunch to come see me.
And wasn’t that a kind gesture?
“Yeah. We can talk.” I knew I should suggest we go to a coffee shop or up to the roof. Somewhere less private. Not that I thought anything would happen, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea about us.
But I was exhausted. So instead, I invited him in.
He was quiet as I kicked off my heels, seeming to sense my need for this conversation to be on my terms, and for the first time since I’d started fooling around with him, I could truly see the man that he would become. He’d be strong like his older brother and powerful and respectful, but he’d also be gentle and fun. A lot like JC, actually.