He leaned against the wall opposite me. “I, uh, I saw you at the trial.” He swallowed and all I could focus on was his Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down. “I saw you, and I’m really glad you came. I appreciated it. I’m sorry if any of it was hard to listen—”
“Don’t apologize for that. It wasn’t my place to be there anyway, and there’s nothing you should be sorry for saying or feeling or—”
He cut me off. “I came here that night.”
“You did?” My voice trembled, and I wondered if he knew it was a reflection of what was going on with my heart. He came after me!
I was so elated it took me a minute to understand what else he was saying. Took a minute to get why these words were hard for him. Why he hadn’t come to my door that night. “You saw me then too.”
My stomach dropped as I imagined exactly what he’d seen—me leaving the building with Chandler. Our embrace as he’d put me into a cab. It was innocent, but it hadn’t been an innocent relationship and the undertones of what we’d done together had to translate in the way we touched each other. It didn’t matter that JC hadn’t seen the worst of what it was. It was enough.
“Yeah, I saw you. Joe, the detective that had kept me updated about you, had already told me, but when you came to the trial, I thought he must have been wrong.” He flashed a tight grin. “Chandler Pierce. A bit young, isn’t he?” He teased, but it was superficial.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “It’s—”
Again he cut me off. “No apologies from you either. I told you I didn’t want you to wait, and I meant it. I hoped you were happy. I want you to be happy. Are you?”
I hadn’t thought his perception could be worse than I imagined but this was. I wasn’t with Chandler. I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t happy. Would he believe me if I tried to explain? All I could manage to say was, “No.”
“You’re not happy?” His expression was confused and something else that I couldn’t identify—surprised? Relieved?
“No. I’m not happy.” I hadn’t realized it until I said it aloud. “But also, no, you’ve got it wrong. I’m not with Chandler.”
JC straightened. “What are you saying?”
I leaned my back against the door, needing the support. “I mean, I was. It wasn’t anything for me but—” A separate stab of guilt pierced through me, this one over what Chandler wanted me to be for him.
I couldn’t deal with that right now. I pushed it aside. “Anyway, it was more for him than it was for me and I’m not proud of that. But that’s over. Mostly. For the moment. It was over before that day.” And now I’d confirmed it had once not been over and saying it out loud killed me. More than I’d thought it would. Especially now that it seemed that JC might do more than just care.
I felt horrible. Like I might cry, though I couldn’t really identify all the feelings that were worming around inside me. I wanted JC. Yet I didn’t know what I wanted with him. Didn’t know if it was smart to want anything with him. Because I didn’t want to be hurt. And I didn’t want to have hurt him. And I had.
But JC’s reaction wasn’t what I expected.
In one sudden movement, he’d crossed the hallway and braced his palms on the door, caging me in. “Are you saying that you aren’t with him now?”
I bit my lip. “But I was. I’m sorry that I was. I should have—”
He shook his head back and forth. “I don’t care about that. Just tell me—do I have a shot?”
My throat was suddenly thick with emotion. Jesus. How could he ask that? He didn’t just have a shot—he had the best shot. He might even have the only shot.
All I could get out, though, was a husky, “Yes.”
His features softened, his eyes locking with mine as he brought his hands down from the wall and cupped my face. At his touch, every nerve in my body woke up, not only to overwhelming lust, but something deeper. Something that had slept since he’d been gone, and now, like Sleeping Beauty, was stretching its arms and spreading its reach through my being.
And he hadn’t even kissed me.
But he was going to. It was in his face. It was in the underscore of his words when he said, “That’s all I want to hear.” And it was in the way he leaned in closer.
I tilted my chin up, ready to meet his lips, ready to be consumed by the flare of emotion inside.
Then, just before he closed the distance, he said my name, and a panic rushed through me. I’d been so hurt when he’d left. He’d been the first person I’d ever truly let into my heart and if we didn’t work out, if something went wrong, I didn’t know if I could take it. And when his mouth brushed against mine, instead of giving in, I let out a soft plea. “JC. I can’t…”