I nodded, my throat tight. I swallowed hard, then managed to whisper, “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” He stroked his hand up my arm, gently. The sweetest caress. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I put you in a situation where you felt you had to stop living to be loyal. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here sooner.”
I didn’t care anymore about what had happened in the past. My only concern was our future. “You’ll stay with me? Even if…?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes. No matter what. You’re mine.” He leaned forward and kissed my stomach. “And you’re mine.”
I melted. Or collapsed. Maybe a little of both. I was so moved that he wanted this child no matter what, but I was also devastated that it might not be his.
He rested his head on my lap, and I pulled my hand out from under his to run it through his hair. “We’ll have another one, JC. I promise.”
He turned his head so that he could look at me. “If we do, that would be as amazing as this one. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay?”
Hadn’t those been my words earlier? Mine had been based in fear, though. His were based in the utmost affection.
I slid off the bench to kneel in front of him. “I love you,” I murmured, my hands cupping his face. “I love you so much. So much.”
Then he was saying it too, pausing now and then to kiss me. The depth of feeling I had for this man—it consumed me. Filled me up so full that I didn’t know how I ever found room for apprehension. Completed me so entirely that I was sure he could never understand.
Still, I wanted to try to show him.
Our kisses grew more urgent, and I finished unbuttoning his shirt. But before he could remove mine, I pulled back, drawing his eyes to mine. “There’s another part of me he never had.”
He paused, but I knew he understood what I was saying. “I’m not…you don’t have to do that.” He reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up and off.
“I want to,” I said when my head was free. “I want to give you that. I want to give you every single part of me, including that.”
He was the one to pull back this time. “Okay,” he said after a beat. “I’ll look forward to it.” He wound his hand in my hair and brought his mouth to hover just above mine. “You should too. I promise you’ll like it.”
The heat in his tone made a delicious chill run down my spine.
But I shook my head.
His hand dropped. “I’m not going to make it a punishment.”
“No, that’s not what I was getting at.” Although… I pushed the thought away. “I mean, now. I want you to take me that way now.”
He wasn’t sure. “Gwen...”
“Please.” I ran my hands down the toned planes of his bare chest, the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips sending an electric buzz to my core. I was so turned on, so affected by everything that had transpired between us, and I was desperate for the significance of it all to be translated into a physical connection. One that was unique and meaningful in a way that no other time we’d made love had been.
And if the baby inside me wasn’t his, at least I’d know that every other part of me was.
“Please,” I said again. “I need you to. I need you to show me that you own me.”
My statement affected him. His eyes darkened and his breathing grew heavier. “You need me to show you that I own you?” His voice was coarse, and I knew with certainty that he’d moved from considering to deciding. “If you even have to make that statement, then, yes, you need me to show you.”
He stood abruptly. “Get up,” he commanded, assuming the role we both loved so much. “Take off your clothes and lean over the bed, ass up.”
He turned away from me, confident that I’d do what he’d said. My legs were unsteady as I stood to undress. I wanted this and was shaking from anticipation, but also, I was nervous. We’d used toys. He’d used his finger, and I’d loved it each and every time. But his cock was much bigger than my butt plug. The thought of how much bigger almost paralyzed me.
Almost.
It also made me delirious with arousal.
When I was naked, I went to the bed and got in position. I couldn’t see what he was doing from here, but he’d been at the nightstand, getting lube, I imagined. Then I could hear the clank of his belt and the purr of his zipper. Soon, my legs radiated with heat, and I knew he was behind me.
Gently, he placed his palms on my ass cheeks and ran them up my body to my shoulders and back down. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” He said it so quietly that I guessed it was a comment for himself rather than me. Stronger, he said, “Relax, Gwen.”