When he understood what I was after, or maybe when he’d finally come to his senses and realized he was about to fuck me against a stranger’s car in a well-lit parking garage, he broke the kiss.
He was still panting when I slapped him.
In a flash, he had me pinned again, this time his front to my back as he pushed me against the hood of the car.
He leaned down so that his mouth was at my ear. “I wasn’t going to look for you, Gwen, because I knew I was still in danger. I knew I’d never be completely safe, and there was no way I was going to pull you into that. I wasn’t even going to tell you I was in town.”
I squirmed, trying to shake my head, but my cheek only met cool metal. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear this. Stop talking.”
“I won’t stop talking,” he hissed. “You wanted the truth. Here it is. I wasn’t going to look, but then I saw you. And every plan I had went out the window because I couldn’t stay away.”
With a growl of frustration, he let me go. I didn’t move as he leaned his back against the door next to me. “I was weak. I’m still weak. I can’t exist without you, and I decided that who I am with you is the only me that I would ever want to protect. Without you? That guy can die a thousand times over, I don’t give a shit.” He swiveled his head to look at me. “With you is the only way I want to live.”
I rushed to him and clutched at the lapels of his jacket. “Then let’s go,” I said, kissing along his neck. “Together. It will be different together.”
He wrapped his arms around me, much gentler than he’d gripped me a moment before, but with just as much strength. “I want to.” He nuzzled his cheek against my hair. “I do. It didn’t seem necessary when Ralphio was behind bars. But now…” He trailed away. He didn’t need to finish the thought. We both knew what came after but now.
He kissed my temple. “I want to take you away and love you and protect you, Gwen. It’s all I want. But this isn’t just about you and me anymore.”
And that was exactly why I needed to be with him! Because it wasn’t just us, but a child we had to protect as well, and there was no way I was raising a kid without its father.
Then I understood what he was really saying. If it were just the three of us, it would be different. But it wasn’t. There was someone else.
My throat tightened. “If I hadn’t told Chandler, we could have left. He would have never known.”
JC pushed me away so he could look me in the eye, his hands placed on either side of my face. “He needed to know. You’d hate yourself if you kept that from him.”
Not as much as I hated the situation we were in now.
But maybe Chandler didn’t matter. “So what if he knows? He can’t do anything about it if we’re gone.”
JC swept his thumb along my jaw. “This program isn’t about relocations. It’s protection until a trial. We can’t pretend that we’ve died and start a new life with new identities. Chandler is powerful enough that he may be able to put pressure on the department. And even if we were to hide without Drew’s team, is that fair to keep him from his child?”
I leaned into his hand. “It’s not his. It’s not.” If I said it enough, it would be true.
JC held my gaze. “Okay. It’s not his. But we don’t have that proof yet.” He was indulging me, and I loved him even more for that.
I reached my arms around him and held on for dear life, my anger having dissipated into resignation. How could I stay mad? He’d chosen me over safety. It’s the same choice I would have made. Maybe that meant we were weak. Or maybe it meant we were that strong in our love.
So now we had shit to deal with. At least we’d face it together.
“Do you really think we’re safe?” I asked eventually, my cheek pressed against his shoulder, facing away from him.
He took a breath in and let it out before he answered. “Both Steve and Tom had families that were never targeted. Ralphio isn’t after brutality. He wants his freedom. That’s all. He’s not going to hurt you, but Dom and his guys are doubling security. They’ll watch you closer now, just in case.”
“And you?”
“I don’t know. I should leave you. I should go away on my own.”
I pulled back to look at him. “Don’t say—”
He covered my mouth with his hand. “I’m not going to. I can’t. I should, but I can’t. The condo is secure. I’ll have bodyguards whenever I leave the house. There are men that will watch Ralphio—both from the cops end and from Dom’s end. And if there’s any indication that we’re in danger, we’ll adjust our plans.”